Roommate Conflicts and Mediation Sam Lundberg and Michael Zangl

Learning Outcomes Analyze a situation for behaviors that indicate a possible conflict Propose the appropriate time to notify an RD in a given roommate conflict Develop a plan for handling a roommate mediation and follow up

Past Experiences Turn to the person sitting next to you and describe a situation in which you were in conflict with another person. What was the situation? How was the conflict resolved? What do you believe you did well in the situation? What do you believe you could have done differently?

Potential Conflict Timeline FALL August: Immediate conflicts September: Roommates are figuring out quirks October: Declared feelings for roommates, midterm stress November: Stress, homesickness compounding on roommates December: Finals stress SPRING January: New roommates, learning to live with roommate again February: Potential for guests causing conflicts March: Lots of time spent together, midterm stress April: Exciting but busy time of year May: Not typically a time, but don’t count on it

Tips for a Successful Mediation Think about your setting. Have residents write down thoughts beforehand. Make sure residents have specific examples of conflicts Assessments grounded in assertions Follow up with residents individually. Immediately afterwards, and a few weeks later Use your returners! Ask to shadow them, have them shadow you Always ask your supervisor(s) for help if you need it. Your role is primarily a listener and facilitator. Speak only when necessary. Encourage residents to speak in terms of “I,” not “You.” Be prepared to stop the conversation if it gets argumentative. It’s ok to take breaks! Meet with each resident 1:1 first. Do your best to remain impartial.

What are some indicators of conflict?

A Look at Harmony and Factors Engaged Coexistent issues can be discussed, solution focused Conflict=fixable Authority=internal Space=shared Favor Reciprocity=meet Mutual Respect= “we do” Routines=collective External= community doesn’t solve the problems Time=commitment internalization of issues, laid back roommates Conflict=Ignorable Authority=external Space=segmented Favor Reciprocity=beat Mutual Respect=“I do it, so you better do so as well” Routines=individual External=community validates avoidance Time=countdown to the fixed end date

Case Study #1 Harry and Ron are roommates living in C/M. Ron is coming from New York and does not know anyone at GU. He was VERY excited to meet Harry and was hoping that they could become the best of friends. Harry is from Spokane and spends most of his free time with his girlfriend, Ginny. Ginny is going to be studying abroad in the spring and Harry wants to spend as much time with her as possible. Harry thinks Ron is cool but a little too clingy. Ron always Snapchats Harry that he wants to hang out which Harry finds annoying, but not enough to talk to anyone about it. Ron comes to you (the RA) very upset because he feels lonely and thought that he and Harry would become best friends. He is concerned that he has upset Harry in some way and doesn’t know what to do.

Case Study #1 Debrief What are the primary issues in this scenario? What steps would you take to resolve the conflict? What role do you think social media could play in this situation? How might you frame a conversation around social media with your residents in this case? When would you tell your supervisor(s)?

Case Study #2 During your 1:1 conversation with Monica, she tells you that she is having some problems with her roommate, Rachel. Monica says that Rachel comes home drunk every single weekend and talks crap about Monica to their friend group. Monica is a really great singer and has singing lessons at 8 am every day. Lately, she has not been able to sleep in their room because Rachel has her boyfriend Ross over a lot. Monica has not told Rachel about any of her concerns and at the end of the 1:1 says she just needed to vent.

Case Study #2 Debrief What are the primary issues in this scenario? What steps would you take to resolve the conflict? How would you balance confronting the policy violations (alcohol and guest policies) while still remaining an unbiased party? When would you tell your supervisor(s)?

Case Study #3 Edward, Bella, and Jacob are really great friends. They all met their first year at GU and are in the same program. Edward and Jacob are roommates in Corkery Building A and Bella lives in Building B next to theirs. Bella is your roommate. Edward has developed feelings for Bella but believes that Jacob also has feelings for her. Edward has been harboring these feelings and is taking them out on Jacob. Jacob has no idea why Edward is acting this way. Edward comes to you to express her frustrations on the situation at around 10:00 PM on a night when you are on duty.

Case Study #3 Debrief What are the primary issues in this scenario? What steps would you take to resolve the conflict? How would you balance your responsibilities (academic, job-related duties, extracurricular, etc.) with the needs of your residents? When would you tell your supervisor(s)?

When might you want to inform your supervisor(s) of a roommate conflict?

Questions?