English B60 In Class Essay #1

In Class Essay Problems The following selections were taken directly from your in-class essays (anonymously, of course). Read through them to determine what needs improvement and the best course of action to take to improve each.

Example #1 The following is a body paragraph from a student essay. “The greenhouse effect is increasing from consumption of pollution and other waste; the money the grocery store collect to help environment clean up is a good advantage. Many people; know either use a basked or a brown paper bag. Some people may use grocery bag for their inside bathroom trash or whatever needs they utilize it for. In my opinion the US environment programs should debate on its consume force to reduce plastic waste.”

Example #2 The following is an entire student essay. Bakersfield stores should start encouraging their shoppers to help out the environment by bringing their own bags from home to carry their purchases. San Francisco includes a 20 cent “green fee” to every shopper that doesn’t bring a bag from home. Bakersfield stores should have a similar fee to help out the environment by making it cleaner and not use as many bag. Bakersfield has bad air quality. If we encouraged our shoppers to bring their own bags, we could help by not having them produce as many bags, which is good for the air quality. Having Bakersfield shoppers reuse their bags can also make the city look a lot better and cleaner, shoppers would keep their bags which would cause less trash or waste. Bakersfield stores need to encourage their shoppers and explain to them how we can make this place cleaner and not use as many bags.

Example #3 The following is a topic sentence from a body paragraph. My first reason for supporting this is a healthier environment.

Example #4 The following is a body paragraph. I think we should give the money to people, In need of = food, water, and shelter; or give some to them and some to a hospital like St. Jude so kids can have medichine they; so it can help them in the fight they are having with there body, And give them a chance to live longer, And grow up to be able to have a family. We really don’t need to give the money, from the Bag fee to a environmental clean-up program.

Example #5 The following is an introductory paragraph. Environmental clean up programs are cooperating with stores in hopes that they can motivate their employees and shoppers to help contribute to cleaner environments. San Francisco and Seattle are both already in cooperation with these programs. Should stores near you follow along in order to contribute to better environments.

Example #6 The following is an introductory paragraph. Yes Bakersfield stores should institute the fee. Plastic is the worst thing ever. With the fee of 20 cents. It will get the people to stop using plastic bags and they will start bringing there own. Fewer bages and the less they float around it the streets.

Example #7 The following is a body paragraph. A good reason to choose paper bags over plastic is that you can reuse paper bags, they don’t rip or tear as easily as plastic bags do. That’s why some of our fast food restaurants have switched to using paper bags instead. Paper bags aren’t as big of a threat to animals or our environment like plastic bags are.

Example #8 The following is an introductory paragraph. U.S. Soldiers in the military fight for our country and I believe they do have some rights, but to put a Wiccan on a head stone would be demeaning in my view. I am a Catholic and anyone person who’s religious symbol is the pentacle, a five pointed star, I believe is that they believe in witchcraft of the devil. Now that is my belief.