Learning objectives To explore how a writer chooses words to effect the reader To explore how a writer arranges a sentences to affect the reader. To illustrate how words and syntax help put pictures in the reader’s head: tone, voice, character, setting. To discuss the crafting of current work in progress.

syntax ˈsɪntaks/ noun noun: syntax 1. the arrangement of words and phrases to create well-formed sentences in a language. "the syntax of English"

Showing vs Telling Warm up exercise: Convert the following ‘telling’ narration into ‘showing’, i.e. into dramatization with concrete spoken dialogue as opposed to summary. Add more details (sounds, etc), use speech marks, indents and keep it in the PAST TENSE: She answered the phone and gave her name. She said she did not take cold calls and that she regarded them as an invasion of privacy. She added that she was especially not interested in double-glazing.

Specificity Descriptive writing, or the art of painting a picture in your reader's mind, is one of the most powerful techniques to master, whether you are writing fiction or nonfiction. The key to making it work – and to making your prose more powerful – is specificity.

Specific Words Usually when people read nonfiction story, they want to know they are getting as close as possible to a firsthand account of events that really occurred. They want to feel as though they are hearing the story from someone who was there, and a genuine eyewitness can give specific details of what happened. Although people know fiction is, well, fictional, good fiction should nonetheless have the have the ring of authenticity to it. Again, the way you convey that authenticity is by descriptive writing that includes specific details someone who was actually present would know. So what could we do with our vague first sentence?

“A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.” Now, this may paint a picture in a reader's mind, but it's pretty generic. It could be any guy, in any city. A sentence this vague tells you right away this is going to be a make-believe story, not something that really happened. It would be a weak start to a nonfiction account or a novel.

adding more information… One approach might be to continue our descriptive writing, adding more information as we go: “A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He was old and tired, and he wanted to escape his loneliness for one night by getting very drunk.” Now this is slightly better, but not much. It tells us a little bit about the character and his intent, but as descriptive writing goes it is still pretty generic. Also, it breaks an important principle of good writing: show, don't tell. This second sentence tells us what the character wants, whereas it's usually better to show the reader a specific detail and let the reader infer the character's desire.

So let's try a different tactic Let's go back to the first sentence and replace some of the more generic words with more specific ones: “A grizzled prospector stumbled into the dark saloon and demanded a bottle of whiskey.” Now this is better. It is no longer a generic bar in a generic setting. We can infer it is a bar in the old West. The character is not just any “guy,” but a type of character typically found in Westerns. The verbs “stumbled” and “demanded” convey more about his personality and the condition of his body, as does the adjective “grizzled.”

Be Specific The type of drink he orders and the quantity reveals something about his state of mind and his tastes. What's more, it does so by showing, rather than telling. In fact, we may not need the second sentence now, because we can infer the prospector's reason for ordering the whiskey. People usually don't “stumble” into a place if they are expecting to meet someone. And only someone who is lonely and/or miserable would order an entire bottle of whiskey for himself.

Specificity “A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.””. Make this a better sentence with more specificity. Characterisation, intent, POV, setting, strong verbs that indicate characterisation: why are they there? Who are they meeting if anyone, psychological state, physical attributes…. Draw the reader into the world of the story by being there for them. Now add more specific detail to see what kind of story might emerge. Remember: Show Don’t Tell.