Sample Paragraphs: Definition of Justice Mrs. Pelletier English 3

Sample A 1) The definition of justice has to do with respecting people’s individual rights. 2) Doing an act of justice means the person’s actions must entail morals without worrying about the consequence, because their actions are the right thing to do. Strength: The two sentences clearly present the writer’s position. Writer is using categorical reasoning to state that justice relies on respecting individual rights. Comments: The rationale is missing. Need to briefly address WHY justice should be about respecting individual rights.

Sample A 3) For example, pushing a fat man onto a trolly with broken brakes in order to save five people is not an act of justice. 4) Some may say that it is, because it is one life versus five, but it isn’t in that pushing the fat man completely takes away his rights. 5) His rights include freedom of life, and by taking that away from him without consent, it is not just. 6) In that particular situation the just decision to make would be to let the trolly kill the five people, instead of actively taking away the fat man’s right to life. Strengths: The example is relevant to definition of justice provided. Comments: 1) Leaving the sentence there wastes the sentence. Add WHY this is not act of justice before considering the opposition’s argument. 2) Need to explain WHY consent is more important than the number of lives saved. 3) This just summarizes what was already said. Need to explain reasoning.

Sample A 7) According to Hitler, his reasoning for killing the many Jews was because it was for the better good of the country. 8) Many would agree that this was not an act of justice because Hitler completely took away the Jews’ freedom and right to life. 9) Taking away ones natural rights is not a just action. Strength: This evidence is from real-life whereas the previous one was a hypothetical situation. Evidence should be varied. Comments: 1) Okay, but did this actually match reality? Important to note this for the argument. 2) Why does it matter that “many would agree” to this? How does saying this help the argument? 3) WHY was it unjust especially in this case?

Sample A 10) In 1984, Big Brother takes away the people’s rights to freedom, making them robots to the government. 11) This is an unjust action because how the people are forced into something without their right to choose. 12) Justice needs to respect the rights and freedoms of people. Strength: 1) Even more variety in the evidence by incorporating an example from a novel. 2) Argument has been consistent throughout the paragraph. Comments: Same issue as with the previous example. Need to answer WHY? In other words, need to explain the reason why this is unjust.

Sample B 1) Justice is the institution we commonly buy into as Americans. Comments: 1) The justice system is not the same as the concept of justice. The prompt asks about the concept. 2) Purpose of sentence is not clear because the following sentence doesn’t necessarily connect specifically to American values.

Sample B 2) The principle of justice is to maintain the welfare and safety for the greatest number of people. Strength: Position (definition) is clearly stated. Comments: 1) Missing the rationale/WHY this is the definition of justice.

Sample B 3) This is where we get slogans such as “to protect and serve” from the police Department whos goal is to maintain peace in their local communities. Comments: 1) Here the argument gets confused because the writer now seems to be arguing about what the role of the government should be, not the definition of justice for everyone.

Sample B 4) In the case of Michael Brown being shot in Ferguson is a great picture of Justice. 5) Justice blindly follows the laws not based on emotion. 6) Yes, a young african American died at the hands of a white male officer, however, the job of the officer is to protect others such as himself and the store owner who Mike Brown assaulted. Comments: 1) SHOW that the example is great through your analysis. No need to actually say this. 2) The prompt asks for the overall definition to justice, not the role of the government. Would it be okay for a civilian to do the same thing in that situation?

Sample B 7) Another example of this consequentialist reasoning comes into play during the trolley scenario. 8) By turning the wheel and taking out one worker vs. avoiding a decision and killing 5 you are doing the best for the most, a strong point in the American idea of justice. 9) By killing 5 instead of 1 you would be avoiding the decision and thinking selfishly, a virtue not accepted in the American idea of justice. Strength: Paragraphs provides a variety of evidence. Comments: 1) How or why is this “a strong point on the American idea of justice”? Is your idea of justice the same as this country’s? 2) So far, the definition has relied on the consequences of the actions, not the motives. Now, all of a sudden, there’s a switch from the welfare argument to the virtue argument. Need to be consistent!

Sample B 10) By not letting emotions sway the foundation of justice as an institution founded on the greatest outcome for the greatest number of citizens we are maintaining the welfare of the people and their idea of this American system. 11) Also, by not making decisions based off of the morality of certain actions we see ourselves working towards the true vale of justice. Comments: 1) This lack of emotions has been mentioned a couple of times, but its connection to the welfare argument is never explained. 2) How was “the foundation of justice as an institution founded on the greatest outcome for the greatest number of citizens”? This country was founded upon individual freedom (taxation without representation), so not sure what this has to do with. 3) WHY? Never explained.

THE END Annotate your own at home!