English B50 ICE #1 and Précis #1

ICE #1 There were several issues with our first in class essay. I’ve taken those that were the most common for us to discuss today. We’ll be looking at portions of actual student essays—there are no names attached, of course, so no one needs to feel embarrassed or threatened. No one will know the sentences came from your essay except you.

Misunderstanding the Reading Several people struggled with understanding the reading. Your essay needs to display, of course, your ability to write a well crafted argument, but it also needs to reflect your understanding of the issue presented in the article.

Example “Among one of the most important reasons why parents should be allowed to pack lunches to their children is that every student deserves to eat no matter what. Students who are not allowed to eat free lunches they would not be able to eat. In other words, students will lack on eating everyday for lunch time and may cause serious problems with their education.” What is problematic about this example?

Example #2 “Yes, parents should be allowed to pack lunches for their children to eat at school. It is better than letting them starve because parents can’t afford the daily meals the school provides.” What is problematic about this example?

Paragraph Structure Many people struggled with paragraph structure—putting different parts of the essay into their correct paragraphs or separating body paragraphs by topic. Keep in mind the format we discussed in class.

Example Intro “April 11, 2011, Liz Goodwin had an article posted on yahoo News titled ‘Chicago School Band Homemade Lunches, the Latest in National Food Fight’; furthermore, she suggest many smaller food battles have been playing out in cafeterias across the country, and Liz claimed that principals try to counter obesity in their schools sparking parent and student anger” What is missing from this intro?

Example Body Paragraph “Parents at school, I’m sure would be highly upset if they tried to ban homemade lunches. Diane Whitmore Schanzenbach says most parents feel as if they pack more of a healthier lunch than the schools. Trying to cut out on calories for students is good seeing how at least 30 percent comes while in school. But I’m sure we can find a better way to do so. One of my biggest concerns is, what if a child does bring their own lunch and they don’t have allergies? Will schools take it and dispose of it or will they let the child peacefully eat?” What is missing from this body paragraph? How could it be improved?

Colloquial or informal language and sentence coherence Your essays should contain formal, academic English. You need to think about your tone and diction when writing. Also, you should proofread carefully to make sure your sentences are clear and correct.

Colloquial example “86 percent of kids are free or reducied price lunches because they are in poverty, but screw the rest right?” What is problematic with this example?

Coherence Example “All the parents want to see their kids happy and make as much as they could in order for this to be possible especially talking about food.” How could this be clarified?

Other issues You MUST introduce the article in your first paragraph. You MUST quote from the article in your body paragraphs. You MUST provide a clear thesis statement in response to the question in the box at the end of the article.

Précis Issues On the whole, the précis were quite good. For those few who had issues, make sure you follow the 4 sentence format and that you proofread carefully—they are formal, out of class writing assignments and should look as such.