Shepherding Your Flock Through Trauma When Crises Hit Shepherding Your Flock Through Trauma

Possible Trauma: Unexpected deaths Suicide attempts Attacks/assaults, other serious injuries House fires Infidelity Unexpected illness (physical and mental) These are scary!! How do we respond?

My experiences… A Biblical Example…

13 When a light wind began blowing from the south, the sailors thought they could make it. So they pulled up anchor and sailed close to the shore of Crete. 14 But the weather changed abruptly, and a wind of typhoon strength (called a “northeaster”) burst across the island and blew us out to sea. Acts 27-28

15 The sailors couldn’t turn the ship into the wind, so they gave up and let it run before the gale… 21 No one had eaten for a long time. Finally, Paul called the crew together and said, “Men, you should have listened to me in the first place and not left Crete. You would have avoided all this damage and loss. Acts 27-28

22 But take courage! None of you will lose your lives, even though the ship will go down. 23 For last night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve stood beside me, 24 and he said, ‘Don’t be afraid, Paul, for you will surely stand trial before Caesar! What’s more, God in his goodness has granted safety to everyone sailing with you.’ Acts 27-28

25 So take courage. For I believe God. It will be just as he said 25 So take courage! For I believe God. It will be just as he said. 26 But we will be shipwrecked on an island.” Paul encourages them without downplaying the suffering ahead Not his first shipwreck Acts 27-28

30 Then the sailors tried to abandon the ship; they lowered the lifeboat as though they were going to put out anchors from the front of the ship. 31 But Paul said to the commanding officer and the soldiers, “You will all die unless the sailors stay aboard.” 32 So the soldiers cut the ropes to the lifeboat and let it drift away. -Paul stays aware of the situation, gets directive -He keeps them from giving up Acts 27-28

33 Just as day was dawning, Paul urged everyone to eat 33 Just as day was dawning, Paul urged everyone to eat. “You have been so worried that you haven’t touched food for two weeks,” he said. 34 “Please eat something now for your own good. For not a hair of your heads will perish.” Acts 27-28

35 Then he took some bread, gave thanks to God before them all, and broke off a piece and ate it. 36 Then everyone was encouraged and began to eat—37 all 276 of us who were on board. 38 After eating, the crew lightened the ship further by throwing the cargo of wheat overboard. -Paul keeps track of their physical needs -He infuses hope Acts 27-28

3 As Paul gathered an armful of sticks and was laying them on the fire… …a poisonous snake, driven out by the heat, bit him on the hand… 5 But Paul shook off the snake into the fire and was unharmed. -Paul keeps serving in practical ways -He doesn’t freak out when he is in pain Acts 27-28

Outline for today: Initial and Long-Term Response Your Role as a Leader Other Practical Ideas Helping People Grieve

In the first hours/days: Initial Response In the first hours/days: Focus on immediate needs: eating, sleeping, talking Be prepared for other painful memories to surface for people Be practical Initial and Long-Term

In the first hours/days: Initial Response In the first hours/days: Focus on immediate needs: eating, sleeping, talking Normalize people’s reactions There is no ‘right’ response Initial and Long-Term

In the first hours/days: Initial Response In the first hours/days: Focus on immediate needs: eating, sleeping, talking Normalize people’s reactions Be shameless in asking for help Initial and Long-Term

In the first hours/days: Initial Response In the first hours/days: Focus on immediate needs: eating, sleeping, talking Normalize people’s reactions Be shameless in asking for help Gently check in with people Don’t neglect your own personal needs Initial and Long-Term

In the first hours/days: Initial Response In the first hours/days: Help people establish some kind of structure Try to minimize social isolation “Just try to go to fellowship.” Protect your people from intrusive help Initial and Long-Term

In the ensuing weeks and months… Long-Term Response In the ensuing weeks and months… The battle for people’s faith Refer to counseling? Exception: mental illness and suicidal ideations Initial and Long-Term

Your Role as a Leader Your group needs your stability, not total availability Your own emotional response Knowing how to help -You are not omniscient -You are not 100% responsible for them Your Role

Your Role as a Leader Your group needs your stability, not total availability Your own emotional response Knowing how to help When to get help Your Role

It’s Easier to Say What Not To Do: Don’t try to help people come to deep realizations at the front of a crisis “What do you think God is trying to teach you?” NO Other Ideas

It’s Easier to Say What Not To Do: Don’t try to help people come to deep realizations at the front of a crisis Don’t feel like you need to correct wrong statements “If I had been there he wouldn’t have died.” “That’s not your responsibility.” NO Other Ideas

It’s Easier to Say What Not To Do: Don’t try to help people come to deep realizations at the front of a crisis Don’t feel like you need to correct wrong statements Job 6:21, 26 – “You have seen my calamity, and you are afraid…Do you think your words are convincing when you disregard my cry of desperation? Other Ideas

It’s Easier to Say What Not To Do: Don’t try to help people come to deep realizations at the front of a crisis Don’t feel like you need to correct wrong statements Instead try, “It must be so horrible to deal with.” Or just, “Mmm-hmm. Yeah.” Other Ideas

It’s Easier to Say What Not To Do: Don’t try to help people come to deep realizations at the front of a crisis Don’t feel like you need to correct wrong statements People ‘speak emotionally’ – they state facts instead of feelings. Try to respond to the feelings they can’t say. Lee’s XSI workshop on Job Other Ideas

It’s Easier to Say What Not To Do: Don’t try to help people come to deep realizations at the front of a crisis Don’t feel like you need to correct wrong statements Don’t hide truth from your kids Do find ways to share appropriately Other Ideas

Helping People Grieve You can’t rush grief – you can only slow it down Everyone grieves differently Grief

Helping People Grieve You can’t rush grief – you can only slow it down Everyone grieves differently Grief

Helping People Grieve You can’t rush grief – you can only slow it down Everyone grieves differently People need hope Grief

22 But take courage! 23 For last night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve stood beside me, 24 and he said, ‘Don’t be afraid, Paul…’ 25 So take courage! For I believe God. It will be just as he said. 35 Then he took some bread, gave thanks to God before them all… Acts 27-28

Final Thoughts We need to arm ourselves for suffering 1 Thes 3:4 - For indeed when we were with you, we kept telling you in advance that we were going to suffer affliction; and so it came to pass, as you know.

Final Thoughts We need to arm ourselves for suffering 1 Pet 4:12 – Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you…as though some strange thing were happening to you.

Isaiah 43:1-3 1 But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

Isaiah 43:1-3 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Isaiah 43:1-3 3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

Final Thoughts We need to arm ourselves for suffering You are God’s provision for your group

When Crises Hit Questions? Comments? Experiences? chris.risley@gmail.com