How to Throw A Good Punch

The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by:

He didn’t speak up for what he thought was right at the time he should have. He waited until the person he needed to confront was weaker. He would never be a defender. (2 Samuel 16:5-14)

The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: A. Frequently stating what he disagrees with. 1. It is best to express your disagreement often, rather than waiting until a long list of issues has piled up. 2. This allows each person to digest one issue at a time. 3. This allows you to initiate conflict resolution in an ongoing way, which also helps you to build this process into any relationship that you have.

The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: A. Frequently stating what he disagrees with. 4. This ensures that L.A.R.G.E. C.A.R.E. love skills and the expression of positive feelings will be practiced regularly, as the conflicts within you that can block these feelings and responses will be resolved. 5. This builds trust within the relationship because the other person learns that you will not hide your negative feelings and reactions, nor will you allow them to “simmer” or build up.

The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: B. Initiating the conflict resolution discussion as soon as he senses a need for it. This should happen whenever you: 1. Have an issue with another person that limits your expression of positive feelings. 2. Distrust someone in ways that limit the honest expression of your feelings. 3. Want to respond in harmful ways to another person as a result of their actions or responses.

The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: C. Generously recognizing the other person’s right to their opinion; this keeps conflict from becoming too personal. 1. This helps you not to connect another person’s opinion to your self-esteem. 2. This limits the escalation of the tension in the relationship and the emotions that are connected to it. 3. This decreases your defensive responses.

D. Hearing multiple levels of communication: The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: D. Hearing multiple levels of communication: 1. What the other person is saying about the content of the issue. 2. What they are saying about themselves while discussing the issue. 3. The underlying emotional tone of their words. 4. What they are saying about the relationship.

E. Timing his conflict-related conversation to occur when each person: The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: E. Timing his conflict-related conversation to occur when each person: 1. Is emotionally ready for the discussion. 2. Feels safe, making them willing to talk about the issues. 3. Has adequate time to fully explore the issues, without being rushed.

F. Focusing on the issues at hand: The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: F. Focusing on the issues at hand: 1. Work on one issue at a time. Simplify. 2. Discuss real issues, not perceptions. 3. Use expressions that begin with “I,” not “You.”

1. Responsibility for creating the conflict or adding to it. The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: G. Acknowledging his: 1. Responsibility for creating the conflict or adding to it. 2. Shadow's involvement and negative motivations. 3. Need to control his brain that feels in order to achieve a positive outcome.

The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: G. Acknowledging his: 4. Distorted beliefs, his inability to see the total picture, or the ways that his knowledge is insufficient. 5. Need to think about how he is going to express himself regarding the conflict- related issues prior to the discussion.

H. Investigating the other person’s point of view. The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: H. Investigating the other person’s point of view. 1. There is usually some level of truth in the other person’s position. 2. The other person will not attempt to hear you if you don’t attempt to hear them. 3. Compromises can often be found, if you look for them.

H. Investigating the other person’s point of view. The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: H. Investigating the other person’s point of view. 4. Seek win-win alternatives. 5. Make sure the other person’s “talk” time is equal to yours.

1. Ensure that both of you have agreed to the newly-established rules. The knight recognizes that he must pursue the resolution of conflicts that he has with others; he must also learn to fight fair. The knight learns to fight fair by: I. Reviewing the boundaries and guidelines that can eliminate the need to revisit a particular conflict in the future. 1. Ensure that both of you have agreed to the newly-established rules. 2. Work together to anticipate any problems or exceptions to the rule that could arise in the future. 3. Make a commitment to each other to learn how to relate well and to talk about anything that may disrupt your relationship as soon as possible.