Sometimes, Parents Need Time to Think Message: Your relationship with your parents can and will be very be challenging at times. Respect your parent’s decisions and allow time for decisions to be made. This includes when you ask permission to partake in an activity. When you ask your parents for permission to engage in an activity, it isn’t always easy for them to decide at that moment if you can engage in that activity. Facilitator would begin the mini-lecture going over the point of the role-play; summarizing what we saw in the role-play. A. Arguing with our parents does result in negative consequences. B. Lying to your parents result in the teen receiving negative consequences. C. Teen handling a “maybe” response from his father about using the car to attend a concert unchaperoned. Sometimes, there are other things going on that doesn’t allow your parent to make a decision at that moment. (Flip to next slide.)

Sometimes, Parent Need Time to Think Your parents may be too busy to make a decision when you ask. Give your parents time to think. Why do parents need time to think about it? Parents often need to think about whether there are any risks involved for you. When parents say “maybe,” give your parents time to think and don’t engage in any behaviors that will change their “maybe” to a “no” instead of a “yes.” Will you be harmed in any way if you engage in the activity? Are you emotionally ready or mature enough to engage in the activity? Do you deserve to go? (i.e., were you responsible lately in which your behaviors warrant permission or not?) Parents sometimes need to weigh the pros and cons of you engaging in the activity you request. Let’s talk about how to start the conversation when you want to ask permission for something.

How to Ask for Permission, Respectfully Use a “Soft Start-up.” Listen to what your parents are saying. If needed, ask calmly and respectfully for clarification. Continue to use “I” statements. Respect your parent’s decision and allow time for the decision to be made. Soft Start-up: Using “I” statements to convey what it is you need or want (For example, I would really like to go to the dance on Friday because all of my friends are going to be there.). An “I” statement involves saying what you need and why. For example, I would like to stay out until 12:00, because it will allow me to stay at the dance until it is over and/ or when you say, I can’t stay out until 12:00, I feel upset because I think you don’t trust me. It is NOT starting with a “you” statements (For example, You told me I could go to the dance and now you are saying I can’t.”). This includes being respectful to the person you are talking with and speaking calmly. Is there a reason for the maybe or no answer?

How to Ask for Permission, Respectfully Don’t engage in any behaviors that will change your “maybe” to a “no”. Understand that the more respectful, responsible, and calm you are, the more likely your parent will say yes. If not now, in the future. For example, not doing your chores all week as in the roleplay and then arguing about it.

Learning Objectives for Today Understanding why your parents need time to think after a request has been made and why they need the time. Understanding a) when your parents may say “yes”, b) when they may say “no”, and c) when they may say “maybe.” Identifying some of your behaviors that are more likely to change the “maybe” into a “no”. We are now going to engage in some different activities that will help us better understand the goals of today’s session, and help you identify behaviors that may change a “maybe” into a “no” and what behaviors may change your “maybe” into a “yes”.

It is now time to engage in the Activities