Emotional Messages

Principles of Emotions and Emotional Messages Emotional communication, emotional intelligence, social intelligence Feelings are a part of communication and meaning Dyssemia – inability to engage in emotional communication

Principles of Emotions (cont.) -How would you feel in each of the following situations? -You won the lottery. -You got the job you applied for. -Your best friend just died. -Your parents tell you they’re getting divorced.

Principles of Emotions (cont.) You would feel very differently in each of these situations. Yet, there are some similarities, too.

Principles of Emotions (cont.) Emotions may be primary or blended Primary emotions of joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation Blended emotions combine primary emotions Emotion wheel model Emotions close in meaning are close together Emotions opposite in meaning are opposite Shades show blended emotions

Principles of Emotions (cont.) Emotions are influenced by body, mind, and culture Emotions and emotional communication may be adaptive or maladaptive All basic emotions can be adaptive or maladaptive.  Adaptive emotions help you adjust appropriately Maladaptive emotions get in the way of adjusting and accomplishing goals Negative emotions are maladaptive if they are under-regulated, chronically accessible, have low thresholds, and lead to problematic behaviors that increase suffering and impairment

Principles of Emotions (cont.) “Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not within everybody's power; that is not easy.” (Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, 1109a25)

Principles of Emotions (cont.) Emotions can be used strategically Strong and honest expression of your feelings Used for personal ends to control or manipulate (crying, screaming, ranting) Emotions are communicated verbally and nonverbally

Principles of Emotions (cont.) Emotional expression is governed by display rules Cultural display rules Gender display rules In a survey, a woman’s anger was most often attributed to her personality (“she’s unstable”) – therefore, unjustified Man’s anger was more often attributed to external factors (“the report was inadequate” or “the work was late”) – therefore, justifiable

Principles of Emotions (cont.) Emotions are contagious Emotional contagion (intentional “mimicry” or unintentional) We imitate people; if someone smiles at you, you smile back. You mood changes even when we “fake it.” If you smile you feel happy, if you frown you feel bad. Mimicry seems to be one foundation of emotional movement between people. Emotional appeal (ads for starving children = pity)

Emotional Competence Emotional understanding or self-awareness of your feelings and their effects “What am I feeling and what made me feel this way?” “What exactly do I want to communicate?” “What are my communication choices?”

Emotional Competence (cont.) Emotional expression Be specific Describe the reasons for your feelings Address mixed feelings Try to anchor your emotions in the present Own your feelings, take personal responsibility for them with I-statements Ask for what you want Respect emotional boundaries

Emotional Competence (cont.) Emotional responding Look at nonverbal cues to understand feelings Look for cues about what the person wants you to do Use active listening Empathize Focus on the other person Remember communication is irreversible

Emotional Competence (cont.) Grieving communication Confirm the person and their emotions Give them permission to grieve Avoid trying to focus on the bright side Encourage them to talk about their feelings and their loss Be sensitive to leave-taking cues Let them know you care and you’re available