Lesson 8: No One Apologizes Alone No One Eats Alone™ Presented by Beyond Differences Lesson 8: No One Apologizes Alone

Objectives Students will reflect on the best or most heartfelt apology they ever received and contrast it with the most unauthentic apology they have ever received.  Students will reflect on the best or most heartfelt apology they have ever given and contrast it with an apology they have given that felt inauthentic.  Students will brainstorm what it means to say, “I’m sorry” and what it means to say, “I forgive.”  Students will define, compare and contrast the ideas of intent versus impact.  Students will learn to see both apologizing and forgiveness as marks of growth.  Students will be able to act out and practice using non-violent communication to both apologize, forgive, and move forward as a stronger community. 

Journal What is the best or most heartfelt apology you have ever received and/or given? Describe the experience: What actions were taking place? How did you feel?  How did you react? What is the most inauthentic apology you have ever received and/or given?  Describe the experience:  What actions were taking place?  How did you react? 

Sorry and Forgive Today we are going to be focusing on what it means to say “we are sorry” and to forgive. We are going to explore what we think it means, what society thinks it means, and what we want it to mean in our classroom. Class Discussion: What do you think it means to say, “I’m sorry?” What do you think it means to say, “I forgive you?   Sorry Forgive Class Ideas:

Societal Definition of Apologies expression In society, we often struggle to say we are sorry because both apologizing and receiving an apology requires effective expression. Unfortunately, we have labeled apologizing as a type of violent language. It is violent because it implies that we are completely wrong and should feel feelings of blame, shame and of belittlement By a show of hands, how many of you, when you know you are having conflict with someone, feel defensive or want to justify what you did? We feel this because society has told us that if we apologize we are wrong when in actuality apologizing takes strength, courage, and growth! We can be sorry for a lot of things: the way we made someone feel even if we didn’t mean to. Apologizing does not mean you are a “bad” person; it means that you are learning how to live in self-love and growth. defensive =

Intent versus Impact Today, we are going to learn to shift how we solve conflict into moments of empathy, growth, understanding and love. First, we are going to learn the difference between intent and impact.  Intent Impact Intent: our own internal purpose between our words or actions.  Impact: the effect of our words or actions on others.

Intent and Impact Discussion Imagine you are at a house and a young child is playing beneath you. You are throwing a ball up and down in the air and catching it. You throw the ball a little too far and it hits the child. The child starts crying.  Discuss: What do you think was the intent of the teen throwing the ball?  What was the impact of the teen hitting the child with the ball?  What is the difference between intent and impact?” 

Apology Practice Apologies and forgiveness do not always have to be wrapped in shame. If we practice, we can learn how to turn apologies and forgiveness into moments of growth for people on both sides of a conflict, but the only way to do this is to practice. With a partner you are going to practice two scenarios that may have never happened to you, but you should be able to apply the process of saying I’m sorry and accepting apologies in the future. 

Apology Practice As a partner team, determine who will take the role of apologizing first and who will take the role of receiving the apology. When you are done with scenario 1, try again with scenario 2 and switch roles. The student who was apologizing should now be receiving the apology. 

Wrap Up and Call to Action There is a distinct difference, not only in our minds but in our bodies, when we feel as though we are forced to either apologize or accept an apology than when it is give authentically. When we feel forced to receive or accept an apology it is often ineffective and does not serve ourselves much less the greater community. If we can learn that saying sorry, just like anything else in the world, is often not black and white but grey, then we can see apologizing and accepting apologies as a way to grow into better people and forming a better community. Being able to develop empathy and acknowledging that sometimes people’s intent does not match their impact allows us to have conversations of growth where we aren’t ‘bad’ people but rather just had a misunderstanding. I hope through the course of the week and the entire school year, you can use this framework to help our school grow into a stronger and more inclusive community that learns from conflict by communicating in a non- violent way.

No One Eats Alone™!