The images in this power point could recall past trauma The images in this power point could recall past trauma. Please proceed with caution.

1 in 3 teens know a friend who has been punched, kicked, slapped or choked. Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm when faced with a break- up. 1 in 6 women have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. 1 in 33 men have experienced an attempted or completed rape by the age of 18. Girls ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely to be victims of sexual assault or rape. 1.5 million people are abused per year. (40% are never reported!)

Physical Verbal Emotional Sexual Financial

Hitting, kicking, pushing, tripping, biting, pinching, hair pulling, burning, choking (strangling), slapping, dragging, arm or neck pulling,…

Name calling, humiliating, teasing, spreading rumors, telling secrets, put downs, cussing,…

Damaging your property (destroying pictures, letters, mementos, clothes, car) , isolating you from friends, always checking your cell phone and computer to see who you’ve talked to, taking your things, spying on you, going through your things without your permission,…

Unwanted sexual touching, treating someone like a sex object (ie, grabbing a girl’s breast or buttocks), forced sex, continued sexual advances after being told no, pantsing someone in front of others,…

Using emotions for financial gain, making/tricking your partner into paying for all the dates, taking partner’s money,…

Healthy Relationship= One feels safe, respected and listened to Unhealthy Relationship= One feels pressured to do things they don’t want to do, partner controls who you spend time with or how you act by using violence, threats or insults Dating and Sexual Violence DO NOT DISCRIMINATE= They occur in same sex as well as opposite sex couples and either gender can be abusive

The cause of violence is not anger, but the need for power and control over someone else. Rape is never about sex. It’s always about power and control.

Extreme jealousy Isolates you from friends/family Controls what you wear, what you do and who you see Is abusive towards others, especially family members Blames others for own misbehavior or failures Expects you to meet all of their needs and be the perfect partner Acts hurt when they don’t get their way Has been cruel to animals

Has ever hit a partner in the past Has ever threatened violence, even if it wasn’t serious Calls you names, puts you down or curses you Switches from being very nice to being angry quickly If male, believes women are inferior to men and should obey them Is intimidating, using threatening body language, punching walls or breaking objects Holds you against your will to keep you from walking away or leaving the room

Assess your own values about how women and men are supposed to act Decide what standard of conduct you will hold your child to in a relationship Be truthful – dating has ups and downs but violence is NEVER acceptable in any way Help them set what their boundaries will be in a relationship – practice setting them Teach them how to be assertive – they have the right to say no yet respect others rights as well Teach them anger control – how to recognize it, calm down and/or walk away Teach them how to problem solve – for each solution ask “Is it safe?”, “Is it fair?”, “Will it work?” and “How might people feel?” Explain that some secrets are not good and which ones these are, eg. suicide threat Be the positive role model – respect yourself, your partner and others

Stay open – don’t overreact Actively listen and believe them– get on their level, make friendly eye contact, lovingly touch and give undivided attention Use examples they can relate to (popular movies…) Talk to your child often – ask questions about their life If you don’t know the answer, say so and help them find the answer If you are concerned, you may have to bring it up but don’t push to have the conversation Let them know you are always there to talk

What do you think a healthy relationship looks like? Who do you think has a healthy relationship? Why? What do you think an unhealthy relationship looks like? Who do you think has an unhealthy relationship? Why? Do you think arguing is healthy? How can you stand up for yourself? Are any of your friends dating? What are their relationships like?

What do you want in a partner? Have you ever witnessed teen dating violence? How did you feel? Scared? Have you ever heard of someone being sexually assaulted? What would you do if you ever witnessed or experienced teen dating violence? Has anyone you know ever posted something bad about a friend online? What happened afterwards? Would it be weird if someone you were dating texted you all day to ask what you are doing?

Tell them you are worried for their safety and what is happening is not normal Provide non-judgmental support and understanding – be sure to tell them it is NOT their fault Believe them and take them very seriously Do not put down their partner Consult with your local domestic violence or sexual violence agencies to determine if a report and safety plan need to be made Support them in the process if a report is made Give them resources: websites, phone numbers, injunctions, counselors,… Remember that ultimately it will be your child’s decision to leave or not

Excessive texting or e-mails Change in mood to depressed and/or anxious Stops extracurricular activities or other interests Partner is extremely jealous or possessive Begins to dress promiscuously or over modestly Mood swings Stops spending time with friends and/or family Has unexplained marks or bruises

Their partner abuses other people or animals Comes on very strong, extremely charming and an overly smooth talker Abuses drugs or alcohol Was or is abused by a parent Witnessed domestic violence growing up Quick involvement, saying “I love you” early on in the relationship

?!? Love and hope Loyalty Make light of the abuse Abuse=Love Hopelessness Embarrassment and shame Blame self Lack of support Fear Not wanting to be alone Wanting to “fix” them ?!?

TELL SOMEONE YOUR PLAN (WHEN, WHERE & HOW) NEVER DO IT BY YOURSELF IN A SECLUDED AREA! WAYS TO SAFELY Over the phone Texting E-mail Letter ALWAYS HAVE A SAFETY PLAN READY! END IT … On social media – send a direct message Go with a group of friends

Avoid being alone Tell a trusted adult Keep a journal Tell the police and/or seek injunction Change your routines Tell family and friends where you are at all times Tell the school resource officer and/or school administrator Don’t go where you think they may be Talk with your local agencies for assistance Check with your teen before allowing visitors in the home