Strategies for Difficult Meetings Art Stewart Coordinator of Mediation VDOE

What are we doing when we negotiate? How is it different from any other conversation? What is our purpose in negotiation? What do we want to do at the close of any successful negotiation?

Concepts to keep in mind ZOPA: zone of possible agreement BATNA: best alternative to a negotiated agreement WATNA: worst alternative to a negotiated agreement Variability of value Interests and positions

What are the hallmarks of a good negotiator? What qualities are you confident that you now have? Which ones do you want to work on further?

Preparing for Negotiations Think about what has led you to any conclusions and share that. What is the best thinking of people who know the student? Is the student making progress? If so, what is the real evidence? How can you reduce your objective to something unambiguous, recognizable and easy to communicate?

What makes some negotiations difficult? The view that there is only one acceptable outcome Trading conclusions rather than defining and exploring the issues Broken trust Too much ego involvement Spoilers History of unsuccessful meetings Unrealistic expectations Highly charged emotions

Common parent complaints about meetings The decision was made before the meeting. People walked in and out of the meeting. The meeting started late. There were side conversations. The discussion went off in tangents. I didn’t feel listened to.

How does conflict affect people? Collapse of time Adoption of adversarial stance Loss of trust Feeling defensive Becoming inflexible Distorting incoming information to fit our judgements We guess at each other’s motives

What bias do we bring to the table? Seeking premature closure Recent events seem to have occurred more often Emotionally charged events seem to have occurred more recently Anchoring Simplifying

How can you approach highly conflicted negotiations? Don’t take the tone or complaints personally Avoid becoming defensive Give your responses a personal rather than an institutional flavor Look for the feeling and the need in the complaint Find the positive subtext in the negative account

Recognize and emphasize common ground Work through one issue at a time Ask questions to clarify and explore Be alert to shifts Timing is everything Build the team at the table

Dealing with Emotional Issues If we don’t acknowledge the emotions, we are not honoring or dealing with them. When we honor emotions, things shift. It reduces tension and helps us find balance.

Emotional Intelligence Emotional Intelligence is “the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought; to understand emotions and emotional knowledge and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.” Mayer and Salovey

Using EI in Negotiations Emotionally intelligent negotiators think with emotions and about emotions throughout the negotiation process. Aspiration levels define what people want to achieve. For an offer to be perceived by the other party as cooperative rather than competitive, it needs to be presented with a reason perceived to be logical.

How do we bring change and opportunity? Determine why they want what they want Use hypotheticals Reframe what you have heard Ask about fears Engage people’s values as you entertain possible outcomes. Develop principles or criteria for a good outcome Avoid engaging people’s standard central processing

What intangibles do people value highly? Listening Validation Respect Praise Help Good humor and flexibility Genuine concern for their welfare

How to overcome impasse Remove barrier hypothetically Don’t take “no” for an answer Change the process Be flexible about what constitutes an agreement