A workshop brought to you by the Purdue University Writing Lab Sentence Clarity A workshop brought to you by the Purdue University Writing Lab Rationale: Welcome to “Sentence Clarity.” This presentation is designed to introduce your students to common clarity problems, including misplaced modifiers, dangling modifiers, parallel structures, and passive voice constructions.... The 36 presented here are designed to aid the facilitator in an interactive presentation of the elements of “Sentence Clarity”. This presentation is ideal within a composition course or within any course as a refresher to common sentence problems. This presentation may be supplemented with the following OWL resources: - Dangling Modifiers (http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/597/01/) - Parallel Structures (http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/623/01/) - Active and Passive Voice (http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/539/01/) Directions: Each slide is activated by a single mouse click, unless otherwise noted in bold at the bottom of each notes page Writer and Designer: Jennifer Liethen Kunka Contributors: Muriel Harris, Karen Bishop, Bryan Kopp, Matthew Mooney, David Neyhart, and Andrew Kunka Revising Author: Matthew Allen, February 2009 Developed with resources courtesy of the Purdue University Writing Lab © Copyright Purdue University, 2000, 2006, 2008, 2009

Sentence Clarity Why worry about making sentences clear? To communicate effectively with the reader To make writing persuasive and interesting To show credibility and authority as a writer Key Concepts: This slide reviews the reasons that sentence clarity is an important part of writing. The facilitator may choose to ask the opening question and invite responses from participants. Communication is the most important function of sentence clarity. For example, a new computer that comes with unclear directions for setting it up may cause errors and frustration for its new owner. Persuasion is also important. If a job applicant writes a cover letter with unclear, confusing sentences, the applicant will have trouble persuading an employer that he or she is the most qualified for the job. Finally, clear, well-phrased sentences can demonstrate a writer’s credibility and authority--the mastery of the subject matter and the competency to communicate well to others.

Common Clarity Concerns This presentation will cover 3 topics: Misplaced modifiers Dangling modifiers Parallel Structures Rationale: This slide establishes the four clarity concerns that will be covered in this presentation. Click mouse to advance slide.

Misplaced Modifiers Modifier Misplaced modifier Describes, clarifies, or gives more detail about other words in a sentence Can be a word or group of words (phrase) Misplaced modifier A modifier in the wrong place in a sentence Makes sentences awkward, confusing, or (unintentionally) humorous Rationale: The formal definitions of modifiers and misplaced modifiers are explained in this slide. Click mouse to advance slide.

Misplaced Modifiers (cont) Do these sentences have different meanings? Why? The dog, under the tree, bit Carrie. The dog bit Carrie under the tree. Rationale: The examples in this slide illustrate the importance of the modification phrase or word group. The facilitator may ask students to explain the difference in meaning between the two sentences. The first sentence explains, “That dog under that tree bit Carrie”--the dog is presently located under the tree. The second sentence indicates that the act of biting Carrie occurred under the tree. Depending on the placement of the modification phrase, “under the tree,” the meaning of a sentence can change dramatically. While this is a simple example to illustrate the importance of modifying phrases, the facilitator may invite students to imagine the confusion misplaced modifiers can cause in directions, legal documents, or business letters. The facilitator may also invite students to think of other sentences where misplaced modifiers create confusion or ambiguity. Click mouse to advance slide.

Misplaced Modifiers (cont) Sometimes modifiers are intentionally used for comic effect: “The other day I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.” Groucho Marx Example: Occasionally, misplaced modifiers can be used for comic effect, as in this famous example from the comedian Groucho Marx. The facilitator may note that “in my pajamas” is the modifying phrase in this example. Click mouse to advance slide.

Misplaced Modifiers (cont) How can you correct this sentence? Buffy called her adorable kitten opening the can of food and filled the bowl. Process: What is the modifier? What word does it describe, clarify, or give more detail about? Where should the modifier be placed? Modifiers go next to the word or phrase they modify. Activity: The facilitator may ask participants to point out the problem with the first sentence—the kitten is opening the can of tuna. Unless the kitten has opposable thumbs, this is an unlikely scenario. The participant may then ask what the modifying phrase is here—”opening the can of tuna.” This phrase needs to be as close as possible to what it modifies—in this case, Buffy. This slide also offers a process that students can use to help correct misplaced modifiers. The facilitator may wish to work through this process on this example with students or have them work in small groups. Click mouse to advance slide.

Misplaced Modifiers (cont) Buffy called her adorable kitten opening the can of food and filled the bowl. Correctly placed modifier: Opening the can of food, Buffy called her adorable kitten and filled the bowl. Rationale: This slide shows the example sentence and offers one option for correction. Another correct option is, “Buffy, opening the can of tuna, called her adorable kitten and filled the food bowl.” A series of verb phrases would also be correct: “Buffy opened the can of tuna, called her adorable kitten, and filled the food bowl.” Click mouse to advance slide.

Misplaced Modifiers (cont) How can you correct this sentence? Portia rushed to the store loaded with cash to buy Guy’s birthday present. Process: What is the modifier? What word does it describe, clarify, or give more detail about? Where should the modifier be placed? Modifiers go next to the word or phrase they modify. Activity: Again, the facilitator may ask participants to define the problem with the first sentence: the store is loaded with cash. The facilitator may wish to have students work through this example in small groups. The next slide will present a corrected version of the sentence. Click mouse to advance slide.

Misplaced Modifiers (cont) Portia rushed to the store loaded with cash to buy Guy’s birthday present. Correctly placed modifier: Portia, loaded with cash, rushed to the store to buy Guy’s birthday present. Loaded with cash, Portia rushed to the store to buy Guy’s birthday present. Rationale: The slide shows the example sentence and offers one option for correction. The modifying phrase, “loaded with cash,” needs to be placed as close as possible to what it modifies--Portia. The slide offers one correct option; another is “Loaded with cash, Portia rushed to the store to buy Guy’s birthday gift.” Click mouse to advance slide.

Misplaced Modifiers (cont) One-word modifiers that limit can easily be misplaced. These include: Almost, even, exactly, hardly, just, merely, nearly, only, scarcely and simply To be clear, place the modifier immediately before the word or phrase you want to limit. Key Concepts: Not all modification problems are in the form of a phrase. These eight words can also cause confusion within sentences when they are placed next to words that they are not meant to modify. Click mouse to advance slide.

Misplaced Modifiers (cont) Which sentence indicates that everyone in the class failed the exam? Almost everyone in the class passed the calculus exam. Everyone in the class almost passed the calculus exam. Activity: The facilitator may ask students (individually or in small groups) to consider the meaning of each sentence and answer the slide’s final question. The second sentence indicates that everyone in the class failed the exam because “almost” modifies the verb “passed.” Everyone “almost passed”--they came close to passing but did not make the grade. In the first sentence, “almost” modifies “everyone.” ”Almost everyone” passed--most people passed, but a few did not. Click mouse to advance slide.

Misplaced Modifiers (cont) Which sentence indicates that Jean-Luc earned some money? Jean-Luc nearly earned $100. Jean-Luc earned nearly $100. Activity: Again, the facilitator may ask participants (individually or in small groups) to answer the slide’s final question. In the second sentence, “nearly” modifies “$100.” Therefore, “John earned nearly $100”--not quite $100, but perhaps $98. In the first sentence, “nearly” modifies the verb “earned.” “John nearly earned” the money, but he failed to earn it. Click mouse to advance slide.

Misplaced Modifiers (cont) Review Misplaced Modifier: modifier in the wrong place in a sentence Process to correct misplaced modifiers: What is the modifier? What word does it describe, clarify, or give more detail about? Where should the modifier be placed? Modifiers go next to the word or phrase they modify. One-word, limiting modifiers go directly before the word or phrase they modify Rationale: This slide reviews the definition of misplaced modifier and the process students can use to correct them. Click mouse to advance slide.

I need only to buy Marcos a gift and then I can leave the store. Only I need to buy Marcos a gift. You don’t need to get one. I need to buy only Marcos a gift. I don’t need one for Sierra. I only need to buy Marcos a gift, but I don’t need to get him a card.

Dangling Modifiers Dangling Modifier: does not sensibly modify anything in its sentence modifier is present, but it has nothing to modify often occur at the beginning or end of a sentence often indicated by an –ing verb or a to + verb phrase Key Concepts: This slide offers a formal description of dangling modifiers. Click mouse to advance slide.

Dangling Modifiers (cont) What is the modifier modifying? Having finished dinner, the rugby match was turned on. Remember, modifiers go next to the words or phrases they modify. Activity: The facilitator may ask students (individually or in small groups) what the underlined modifier describes. It should described the person who finished eating and turned on the television, but this person is absent. This sentence contains a dangling modifier--it sounds like the rugby game just finished dinner. Click mouse to advance slide.

Dangling Modifiers (cont) 3 ways to fix dangling modifiers: Name the appropriate doer of the action as the subject of the main clause Having finished dinner, Jude turned on the rugby match. Place the subject of the action within the dangling modifier: After Jude finished dinner, he turned on the rugby match. Combine the phrase and clause. Jude turned on the rugby match after finishing dinner. Key Concepts: There are several ways to repair sentences with dangling modifiers. This slide shows three ways to correct the sentence from the preceding slide. The first way should be a review of the previous principle of misplaced modifiers—the modifier phrase “having finished dinner” must be right next to Jude. Click mouse to advance slide.

Dangling Modifiers (cont) How might you correct the following sentence? Playing solitaire on the computer for three hours, Michael’s paper was not finished. Process: What is the modifier? What word does it describe, clarify, or give more detail about? Do you need to insert doer? Where should the modifier be placed? Modifiers go next to the word or phrase they modify Activity: The facilitator may choose to have participants describe the problem with the sentence—Michael’s paper has played solitaire for three hours--and offer suggestions for correction, using the process presented. The next slide presents 3 corrected options. Click mouse to advance slide.

Dangling Modifiers (cont) 3 revised sentences with connected modifiers: Because he played solitaire on the computer for three hours, Michael did not complete his paper. Because Michael played solitaire on the computer for three hours, he did not complete his paper. Michael did not complete his paper because he played solitaire on the computer for three hours. Rationale: The first option corrects the sentence by placing Michael, the doer of the action, as the subject of the sentence. The second option corrects the sentence by placing “Michael” within the modification phrase. The third option corrects the sentence by eliminating the introductory clause and making it a subordinate clause at the end of the sentence. Click mouse to advance slide.

Dangling Modifiers (cont) How might you revise the following sentences? To work as a loan officer, an education in financial planning is required. To improve her grade, the test was completed again. After reading the original study, the article remains unconvincing. Activity: The facilitator may again have participants (individually or in small groups) identify the error within each sentence. The next slide presents corrected versions of these sentences. Click mouse to advance slide.

Dangling Modifiers (cont) Possible revisions: To work as a loan officer, one needs an education in financial planning. To work as a loan officer, an education in financial planning is required. She repeated the test to improve her grade. To improve her grade, the test was completed again. After reading the original study, I find the article unconvincing. After reading the original study, the article remains unconvincing. Rationale: This slide presents one possible revision for each sentence. The facilitator should stress that there are other options, discussing these with students briefly. The problem in the first sentence is the lack of a subject—a person who will work as a loan officer. It is corrected here by inserting the pronoun “one.” The problem in the second sentence is the similar to the first—the agent (person doing the action in the verbs) is missing. To correct it, the sentence is rewritten in the active voice (it was passive) with “she” as the subject/agent. Again, the third sentence is missing a subject, and this example problems “I.” Click mouse to advance slide.

Dangling Modifiers (cont) Review Dangling modifier: modifier is present, but it has nothing to modify often occur at the beginning or end of a sentence often indicated by an –ing verb or a to + verb phrase Process to correct dangling modifiers: Name the appropriate or logical doer of the action as the subject of the main clause Place the subject of the action within the dangling modifier: Combine the phrase and clause. Rationale: This slide reviews the definition of dangling modifiers and a process students can use to correct them. Click mouse to advance slide.

Exercises: Page 221, Exercise 9-12 We will do the first two sentences together The correct sentences 3 through 8 on your own.

BREAK TIME

Answering Your Questions I will read and answer all questions submitted yesterday. Questions about how the essay will be graded and questions about introduction will be answered as part of the lesson after the break (many people asked these questions)

How Your Essays Will Be Graded Format: Does the essay follow all formatting instructions regarding length, font, margins, 10 Points spacing, and required information? Proofreading/Presentation: 20 Points Is the essay carefully proofread? Are there many errors in grammar, punctuation, and word choice, or only a few? Are the sentences clear and easy to understand? Organization: 20 Points Is the essay well-organized? Does the student break the essay into paragraphs that are organized around a main idea? Does the student use transitions between paragraphs? Impact on Identity—Thesis, Detail, and Reflection: Does the essay clearly discuss something that had an impact on the writer’s identity? 50 Points Is the impact on identity shown clearly throughout the essay with the use of specific examples and narrative? Does the essay reflect on the significance of this impact? Total: 100 Points

Titles – See advice on page 453 Your title should be original and specific to your essay. Every essay should have a descriptive title. “Essay 2” or “My Culture” is not specific enough. Your title should be specific to your essay. If it could work as a title for any essay in the whole class, then you need to make it more specific. Always capitalize the important words in the title. You might… Ask a question in your title. Imagine you are titling your essay for a newspaper or magazine. (Use simple, descriptive words.) Use alliteration (words that start with the same sound) or humor to create a memorable title. Your title should be centered, and the first letter of all important words should be capitalized.

Checking Your Organization Have a clear thesis that tells what had an impact on your identity and the significance of that in your life. Make sure that your essay is organized and that one event leads to the next It does not have to be in order of time, but must have an order that makes sense

Making an Outline…Again! Writing a second outline, also called a reverse outline is a very useful process. It forces you to think about how the parts of your essay relate to each other. You can write an outline even AFTER you have written a rough draft. Writing an outline, or a “backwards outline” can help you see if you organization is working Use transition words to connect your events together. (Phrases like “Three years later,” “two weeks after this happened,” etc.)

Formatting Examples and Guidelines Demonstrate using Microsoft Word and show where MLA resources are on the blog.

Tomorrow Check the class schedule together.