Effective Communication Styles She Said What? Effective Communication Styles

? “After all, when you come right down to it, how many people speak the same language even when they speak the same language? -Russell Hoban

Learner Objectives Identify elements of active listening Identify communication barriers Recognize 4 communication styles Establish effective communication

How do you communicate? Ask participants, how do we communicate today? At work, home, with friends, relatives?

Effective Communication Reduces mistakes Builds an effective team Increases productivity Helps accomplish tasks on time Builds mutual respect and cooperation Decreases frustration Helps you understand thoughts and feelings of others, building mutual respect

50% of our time at work is spent listening 10% more time than talking Effective Listening 50% of our time at work is spent listening 10% more time than talking Are we listening or just hearing or tuning the talker out completely? 50% of our time at work is spent listening 10% more time than talking

http://www.plu.edu/~gadbernb/img/commo.jpg, retrieved 20 May 2010

Parts of Communication Talk-Sender Receive-Listener Message Understanding 2 sides, talking/sending or receiving/listening. Somewhere in between is understanding the message. Communication is an exchange, I talk, you listen and vice versa. To see if what has been said is understood ask, has my message been clearly heard or I have understood everything I’ve been told?

Cost of Ineffective Listening Most workers only listen to 25% of directions What if each mistake costs an average of $10 = financial impact on operation As listeners we only take from a conversation what we think we need to hear. When we don’t take the next step in the communication process, we begin to assume too much and act on the assumptions, not on the facts. Essentially, you make decisions based on faulty premise and then errors occur. It happens in government, business, food preparation, and in our every day lives. So, what can we do to avoid potentially costly miscommunication? Story….

Effective Listening Sender Role Give clear, concise directions Helps to reduce conflict Maintain eye contact Check for understanding Have listener repeat back directions We have to realize that communication is a 2 way street, both the listener and the sender play an active role in communication. Let’s look at each of those roles in more detail: Sender- Give clear, concise directions Helps to reduce conflict Maintain eye contact Check for understanding Ask to repeat back directions

Effective Listening Listener Role Always listen carefully Repeat details Focus on what is being said Keep an open mind Gather accurate information Never assume Ask the right questions of the right people As listeners we only take from a conversation what we think we need to hear. Always listen carefully Repeat details Focus on what is being said Keep an open mind Gather accurate information Never assume Ask the right questions of the right people. Simply put, we don’t ask enough questions. We take things at face value. This is lazy communication, which can obviously cost big bucks. Stop thinking you know all the answers and start asking more questions Who makes the mistake with communication? Usually both the sender and the receiver.

Common Sender-Listener Barriers Noise Distractions and interruptions Lack of concentration Time constraints Personal pressures Cultural differences Personalities These barriers can impact communication in both sending and receiving messages. Some people function well under these circumstances, others need to have a semblance of calm and order. Noise Distractions and interruptions Lack of concentration Time constraints Personal pressures Cultural differences Personalities

She said what? Activity What are the potential costs if someone in your kitchen doesn’t listen?

4-Communication Styles - Personalities Aggressive Assertive Passive Passive-Aggressive I’m sure you can identify people in your life that model each of these four styles either all the time or at various times in their lives.. Depending on the person you are communicating with or the situation surrounding the communication will determine the style of communication you choose. Often situation from past experiences prepare us for what will work best to get our needs met in each specific situation. If you take a really good look at yourself, you've probably used each throughout your lifetime. Understanding the four basic types of communication will help you learn how to react most effectively when confronted with a difficult person. It will also help you recognize when you are using manipulative behavior to get your own needs met. Remember, you always have a choice as to which communication style you use. If you're serious about taking control of your life, practice being more assertive. It will help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt and build relationships - both personally and professionally.

Aggressive Manipulating Often can’t see others point of view Poor listener Interrupts others Doesn’t ever think they are wrong Know-it-all attitude “Everyone should be like me, I am never wrong!” Aggressive communication always involves manipulation, it involves attempts to make people do what we want by inducing guilt (hurt) or by using intimidation and control tactics (anger). Covert or overt, we simply want our needs met - and right now! Although there are a few arenas where aggressive behavior is called for (i.e., sports or war), it will never work in a relationship.

Aggressive Personality Clues Points, shakes finger Glares Stares Critical Loud Yelling tone of voice “Don’t ask why, just do it!” The aggressive person will stand out in many situations. They tend to Points, shakes finger Glares Stares Critical Loud Yelling tone of voice “Don’t ask why, just do it!”

Passive Always agrees Indirect Compliant Doesn’t speak up Doesn’t give own opinion Hesitant Rarely gets what they want Trusts others, but not self “Don’t make waves. Don’t disagree.” Passive communication is based on compliance. The passive person hopes to avoid confrontation at all costs. You may see that the person in this mode doesn't talk much, question even less, and actually do very little. Passive individuals just don't want to rock the boat. They have learned that it is safer not to react and better to disappear than to stand up and be noticed.

Passive Personality Clues Fidgets Sighs a lot Complains instead of taking action Lets others make choices Downcast eyes Low volume, meek Will speak fast when anxious; slow, hesitant when doubtful “I can’t….”, or, “You should do it.” The passive person tends to show these clues: Fidgets Sighs a lot Complains instead of taking action Lets others make choices Downcast eyes Low volume, meek Will speak fast when anxious; slow, hesitant when doubtful “I can’t….”, or, “You should do it.”

Assertive Effective, active listener Able to set expectations Observes Doesn’t judge or label Checks others feelings Confident Proactive Win-Win scenarios “I have rights and so do my co-workers.” The assertive communication style is the most effective and healthiest form of communication. It's how we naturally express ourselves when we have positive self-esteem, it gives us the confidence to communicate without playing games or manipulation of others. When we are being assertive, we work hard to create mutually satisfying solutions. We communicate our needs clearly and forthrightly. We care about the relationship and strive for a win/win situation. We know our limits and refuse to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from us. Surprisingly, assertive is the style most people use least.

Assertive Personality Clues Open, natural gestures Attentive Direct eye contact Confident and relaxed Fair, just Consistent Vocal volume is appropriate “What are my options? How can this become a win-win for everyone?” Assertive people show the following personality clues: Open, natural gestures Attentive Direct eye contact Confident and relaxed Fair, just Consistent Vocal volume is appropriate What are my options? How can this become a win-win for everyone?”

Passive - Aggressive Difficult time dealing with confrontation Pessimistic attitude Innocent victims of others unfair treatment Hold in small frustrations Explode at their breaking point Devious/sneaky behavior “I’ll teach her a thing or two!” A combination of styles, passive-aggressive avoids direct confrontation (passive), but attempts to get even through manipulation (aggressive). If you've ever thought about making that certain someone who needs to be "taught a thing or two" suffer (even just a teeny bit), you've stepped pretty close to (if not on into) the devious and sneaky world of the passive-aggressive. This style of communication often leads to office politics and rumor-mongering.

Passive – Aggressive Personality Clues Angry inside but don’t know how to express it Attempt to exert control in a passive way Sugar-coat, twist or manipulate situations Often those impacted don’t realize the sabotage They prefer to strike during 1-to-1 conversations Hard to confront because their ill-will is disguised The rumor-monger “It’s not my fault, she should have to pay the price for this failure.” These personality clues are related to passive aggressive people. Angry inside but don’t know how to express it Attempt to exert control in a passive way Sugar-coat, twist or manipulate situations Often those impacted don’t realize the sabotage They prefer to strike during 1-to-1 conversations Hard to confront because their ill-will is disguised The rumor-monger Another saying: “It’s not my fault, she should have to pay the price for this failure.”

Working Together A co-worker always asks you to get the supplies for Tuna Salad from the store room. What do you do? ...a passive person would react ...an aggressive person would react ...a passive-aggressive person would react ...an assertive person would react

Working Together You are trying to make a new recipe, using new ingredients, requiring concentration. However, a few of your co-workers are laughing and horsing around. What do you do? ...a passive person would react ...an aggressive person would react ...a passive-aggressive person would react ...an assertive person would react

Working Together You are the manager of your kitchen. A usually on-time employee has started coming to work late everyday and is extremely moody. What do you do? ...a passive person would react ...an aggressive person would react ...a passive-aggressive person would react ...an assertive person would react

Working Together The school principal comes into the kitchen after lunch and ‘takes’ lunch back to their office without paying. What do you do? ...a passive person would react ...an aggressive person would react ...a passive-aggressive person would react ...an assertive person would react

Wrap-Up Clear messages by the sender + Understanding by the Listener = Effective communication, Increases productivity, Builds an effective team!

Wrap-Up Understanding not only your communication style, but that of your co-workers yields an effective work environment! ...

Carol H. Gilbert, SNS Carol H. Gilbert Consulting www. chgilbert Carol H. Gilbert, SNS Carol H. Gilbert Consulting www.chgilbert.com carol@chgilbert.com (717) 669-2213