Handle Difficult People Personal effectiveness CPD from Bite Sized Training SLIDE 1: WELCOME Handling Difficult People – is one in a series of PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS Bite Sized training resources designed to develop the people skills of teachers, support staff and school leaders in schools, colleges and academies. Other training in the PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS series include: Set Meaningful Goals Plan your Time Communicate Assert Yourself Influence People In order to facilitate today’s training, you will need: Copies of the PowerPoint slides printed three to a page with space for notes for each participant Copies of the accompanying ‘Handling Difficult People’ handout for each participant Flip chart paper and marker pens All resources for this training are available to download from the SecEd website (add link) or by email from bitesizedtraining@gmx.com Bite Sized Training - Brought to you by www.simplyinset.co.uk Call +447767 858360 or email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com

Outcomes By the end of this ‘Bite Sized Training Session’ you will be able to: Understand what we mean by difficult behaviour Suggest what might be driving the ‘difficult’ behaviour Use Transactional Analysis to take control of difficult behaviours and conversations SLIDE 2: INTRODUCTION Handling difficult people will focus on positive strategies to engage with people whose behaviour we might find challenging. By the end of this session, participants will be able to: Understand what we mean by difficult behaviour Suggest what might be driving the ‘difficult’ behaviour Use Transactional Analysis to take control of difficult behaviours and conversations ACTIVITY Write a description or draw a pen portrait of a person whose behaviour, you feel, makes them difficult Share your ideas with a partner – can you identify any common features? Share these common features with the group and use the flip chart to record the group’s responses. Bite Sized Training - Brought to you by www.simplyinset.co.uk Call +447767 858360 or email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com

Are ‘Difficult’ People just ‘Different’? Some people are very sociable, others value time alone Some people need detail before they make a decision, whereas others like to work on ‘gut instinct’ Some people are relationship focussed whilst others are task driven Some people love new experiences and change, whilst others value routine. Often, the people that we find difficult to understand or identify with, because they are quite different from us in terms of the way they think and behave SLIDE 3: Are ‘difficult’ people just different’? Some people are very sociable, others value time alone Some people need detail before they make a decision, whereas others like to work on ‘gut instinct’ Some people are relationship focussed whilst others are task driven Some people love new experiences and change, whilst others value routine. Often, the people that we find difficult to understand or identify with, because they are quite different from us in terms of the way they think and behave ACTIVITY Go back to the flip chart summary of difficult people. Identify the behaviours that make these people ‘difficult’ Bite Sized Training - Brought to you by www.simplyinset.co.uk Call +447767 858360 or email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com

What’s Driving the Behaviour? We don’t all react the same way to things because we are all different under the surface Try to identify what is driving the behaviour, and respond to THAT. SLIDE 4: WHAT IS DRIVING THE BEHAVIOUR We don’t all react the same way to things because we are all different under the surface Try to identify what is driving the behaviour, and respond to THAT. Quite often people’s behaviour is driven by fear. If you can identify what someone is afraid of and remove the fear, the difficult behaviour can go away. ACTIVITY Returning to our flip chart descriptors of difficult people: What do you think are the fear drivers for each of the behaviours you have identified? What could you do to lesson their fear? Bite Sized Training - Brought to you by www.simplyinset.co.uk Call +447767 858360 or email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com

Natural Responses to ‘Difficult’ Behaviour Summarised from the work on Transactional Analysis by Eric Berne SLIDE 5: NATURAL RESPONSES TO ‘DIFFICIULT BEHAVIOUR’. Eric Berne was an American psychologist who used transactional analysis to help people deal with ‘difficult’ behaviours. Transactional analysis (TA) is a psychoanalytic theory where personal interactions are determined by the states of each persons ego. Each of us can possess an ego in one of three states – parent-like, child-like, or adult-like). We can use this analysis as a way of understanding behaviours. Parent behaviours – represent authority and/ or caring and assumes knowledge of how things are done. This behaviour is displayed in one of two ways i. The critical parent (disciplinary and judgemental); and ii. The nurturing parent (protective and soothing). Adult behaviours – represent rational, objective and positive communication and often mediates between the parent and child parts of our personality Child behaviours – are spontaneous, compulsive, irrational, creative, playful and intuitive; and are generally displayed in two ways i. The dutiful child (submissive and obedient); and ii. The free/irrational child (creative and attention seeking. ACTIVITY Returning to our flip chart of difficult behaviours, how would you categorise them against Bern’s TA theory? How does this help you think differently about these behaviours? Natural Responses to ‘Difficult’ Behaviour Bite Sized Training - Brought to you by www.simplyinset.co.uk Call +447767 858360 or email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com

Taking Control of Transactions 1 Psychologically, the easiest transactions between two people are complementary transactions, but they are not always appropriate. Just because someone speaks to you as a ‘critical’ parent, doesn’t mean a ‘dutiful’ child is the BEST response…just the easiest. SLIDE 6: TAKING CONTROL OF TRANSACTIONS 1 Psychologically, the easiest transactions between two people are complementary transactions, but they are not always appropriate. Just because someone speaks to you as a ‘critical’ parent, doesn’t mean a ‘dutiful’ child is the BEST response…just the easiest. ACTIVITY Thinking back to our flip chart behaviours: What would be the complementary response to each of the behaviours you identified? What would be the BEST response? Bite Sized Training - Brought to you by www.simplyinset.co.uk Call +447767 858360 or email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com

Taking Control of Transactions If you resist the natural tendency to respond in a complimentary way, you can cause a ‘crossed’ transaction (by responding FROM the ‘adult’ and appealing TO the ‘adult). It is hard to maintain a crossed transaction, so eventually, you will find yourself in a complimentary transaction (adult to adult) SLIDE 7: TAKING CONTROL OF TRANSACTIONS 2 If you resist the natural tendency to respond in a complimentary way, you can cause a ‘crossed’ transaction (by responding FROM the ‘adult’ and appealing TO the ‘adult). It is hard to maintain a crossed transaction, so eventually, you will find yourself in a complimentary transaction (adult to adult) ACTIVITY Again, revisiting the difficult people you identified at the start of this session: How would your behaviour need to change to cause a ‘crossed’ transaction where you don’t respond in the easiest way, you respond in the BEST way? What evidence would you look for in the ‘difficult’ person to see that they had changed their behaviour to a complementary adult to adult model? Bite Sized Training - Brought to you by www.simplyinset.co.uk Call +447767 858360 or email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com

Remember that ‘difficult’ is often just ‘different’. Try not to judge people’s actions based on your personal values, belief and morals. Think about what might be driving the ‘difficult’ behaviour and respond to that. Sometimes people attack as a form of defence. Don’t respond in a way that will encourage the difficulty to persist. Respond in a calm, objective, ‘adult’ way as much as possible until the other person does the same. SLIDE 8: TO CONCLUDE Remember that ‘difficult’ is often just ‘different’. Try not to judge people’s actions based on your personal values, belief and morals. Think about what might be driving the ‘difficult’ behaviour and respond to that. Sometimes people attack as a form of defence. Don’t respond in a way that will encourage the difficulty to persist. Respond in a calm, objective, ‘adult’ way as much as possible until the other person does the same. Bite Sized Training - Brought to you by www.simplyinset.co.uk Call +447767 858360 or email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com

Next steps What are you going to DO as a result of this Bite Sized Training? SLIDE 9: NEXT STEPS ACTIVITY What are you going to DO as a result of this Bite Sized Training? Bite Sized Training - Brought to you by www.simplyinset.co.uk Call +447767 858360 or email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com

Where next? Handling Difficult People – is one in a series of PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS Bite Sized training resources designed to develop the people skills of teachers, support staff and school leaders in schools, colleges and academies. Other training in the PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS series include: Set Meaningful Goals Plan your Time Communicate Assert Yourself Influence People Bite Sized Training offers a wide range of school based CPD sessions designed to be used as sharply focused yet active training sessions of no more than 45 minutes in length. Bite Sized Training materials are produced by Steve Burnage through www.simplyinset.co.uk. Steve is an experienced author, trainer and education consultant with over 25 years experience of working in UK schools. For details of other CPD offered through Bite Sized Training, email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com or call +44767 858360 SLIDE 10: MORE INFORMATION Handling Difficult People – is one in a series of PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS Bite Sized training resources designed to develop the people skills of teachers, support staff and school leaders in schools, colleges and academies. Other training in the PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS series include: Set Meaningful Goals Plan your Time Communicate Assert Yourself Influence People Bite Sized Training offers a wide range of school based CPD sessions designed to be used as sharply focused yet active training sessions of no more than 45 minutes in length. Bite Sized Training materials are produced by Steve Burnage through www.simplyinset.co.uk. Steve is an experienced author, trainer and education consultant with over 25 years experience of working in UK schools. For details of other CPD offered through Bite Sized Training, email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com or call +44767 858360 Bite Sized Training - Brought to you by www.simplyinset.co.uk Call +447767 858360 or email bitesizedtraining@gmx.com