How to Respectfully Raise a Concern and Transform your Conversations. Adapted from Crucial Conversations

Objectives for today Understand concept of CPR and when to use Explain STATE skills and how to apply facts and stories into a script Create templates for scenarios

From last time What do you remember? Styles Under Stress – Stories v. Facts – Getting your motive right -

Skill #1 – CPR: Identify what to lead with Content – a single incident or fact. The incident itself or its consequences are serious enough to address immediately Pattern – a recurring problem or pattern of behavior over time Relationship – how the problem is affecting your relationship, e.g., trust

Which would you lead with? One of your lab mates, Skippy, is always trying to get out of the tough, boring or gross jobs in the lab. You’re all supposed to rotate who cleans up, for example, along with who does inventory of lab materials. Since nobody likes these jobs, your lab’s protocol is to rotate them. Skippy always seems to have something else to do. He’s already missed two of his rotations for cleaning lab equipment. At first, his excuses seems legitimate, but now you’re almost certain he is missing these jobs on purpose.

Skill #2: Set up the conversation STATE skills S – share your facts T – tell the story A – ask for clarification T – talk tentatively E – encourage testing of your story

Skill #2: Set up the conversation STATE skills S – share your facts T – tell the story THE WHAT A – ask for clarification T – talk tentatively E – encourage testing of your story THE HOW

Skill #2: Set up the conversation STATE skills S – Share your facts Why start with facts?

Skill #2: Set up the conversation STATE skills S – share your facts T- tell your story Why tell your story?

Facts vs. stories How would you set this up? Describe a person who is….disrespectful …unreliable …arrogant

Skill #2: Set up the conversation STATE skills S – Share your facts T – tell the story A – ask for clarification Sometimes this is the hardest one!

Good asks vs bad asks GOOD ASKS BAD ASKS -Can you help me understand? -Is this how you see it? -Am I missing something? What’s your view? -Isn’t this true? -How can we make sure this doesn’t happen again? -Is this happening because of ___?

Skill #2: Set up the conversation STATE skills S – share your facts T – tell the story A – ask for clarification T – talk tentatively

Skill #2: Set up the conversation S – share your facts T – tell the story A – ask for clarification T – talk tentatively E- encourage testing of your story

What are the facts, story and the ask? One of your lab mates, Skippy, is always trying to get out of the tough, boring or gross jobs in the lab. You’re all supposed to rotate who cleans up, for example, along with who does inventory of lab materials. Since nobody likes these jobs, your lab’s protocol is to rotate them. Skippy always seems to have something else to do. He’s already missed two of his rotations for cleaning lab equipment. At first, his excuses seems legitimate, but now you’re almost certain he is missing these jobs on purpose.

Let’s practice: Case study #1 A PRA in your lab has a job that allows her to fill in whenever help is needed. However, she seems to prefer the experiments and higher-level work than helping with more menial tasks. In fact, the last few times you’ve asked for help (grant submission time!), she has turned you down even though she wasn’t doing anything right then. You all agreed to help each other, but she doesn’t seem to be fulfilling her commitment.

Case study #2 You are in a lab meeting and things are getting heated. This isn’t normal for this group. It is common to share dissenting opinions, but today people seemed to be taking things personally. They were raising voices, using their fingers to point at each other, and implying people had negative intentions for the group as well as for the project. You were engaging in the dialogue but tried to keep things civil. After the meeting, one of the leaders in the group said to you, “For a woman, you kept a pretty cool head in there.”

Need help? Questions? Concerns? The Ombuds Office is here to help! www.ucdenver.edu/ombuds 303.724.2950 Lisa.neale@ucdenver.edu