The Neuroscience of Conflict How to Calm People ‘High on Conflict’ Suzanne Sherkin, Q.Med HR Insider & OHS Insider March 19, 2018

The power of our thoughts Our mind is constantly processing information – and matching it up with what we know, what we think we know, and how we feel about what we know. Our conclusions affect everything!

The power of unconscious bias Our ‘old’ brain is wired to identify friend from foe and trigger flight/fight responses. When we’re not familiar with something, our brain categorizes it negatively and sends us into progressive thinking. The result: stereotyping, prejudices and discrimination

Types of biases Gender bias Non-verbal behaviours Cultural bias Educational bias Age bias Linguistic bias First impressions Stereotype bias Performance bias Affinity bias Communication-style bias Types of biases

The bombardment of information 11 billion bits of information coming at us every second . We can only process 128 bits per second (bps) Our senses filter out the most of the info: Eyes: 10m bps // Skin: 1m bps // Ears: 100,000 bps // Smell: 100,000 bps // Taste: 1,000 bps … ‘Reality is merely an illusion – albeit a persistent one!’ Einstein The bombardment of information

What we need to accomplish Help increase the self-awareness of those in conflict so they can accurately perceive their own emotions Help increase the social-awareness of those in conflict so they can be open to the emotions in someone else

NO THINKING CAN TAKE PLACE WHEN EMOTIONS ARE HIGH The key message

CLAIM is a great strategy for de-escalating Claim your calm CLAIM is a great strategy for de-escalating C – Centre yourself L – Listen for what’s important to the other person A – Acknowledge what you heard I – Invite more information M – Move towards problem solving

More strategies Help them shift into a listening state of mind 1. Create emotional safety for the conversation 2. Practice active listening 3. Find out what’s underneath the surface 4. Separate the person from the problem 5. Stay solution focused

Useful points to remember 1. Be aware of your own unconscious bias 2. Intentionally create a tone of calm 3. Use strategies to help people HEAR each other 4. Use CLAIM to de-escalate high emotions 5. Give disputants the tools to help them think clearly.

Suzanne Sherkin, Q.Med suz@highborncommunications.com 416-414-6552 Get in touch Suzanne Sherkin, Q.Med suz@highborncommunications.com 416-414-6552