Presenter:

Promoting Healthy Dating Relationships Healthy Relationships Unhealthy Relationships Emotional Abuse Physical Assault Sexual Assault Prevention/Getting Help PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Where do we get our ideas about dating & relationships? PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Healthy Relationships: Are these things present? Trust & Support Independence Honesty Respect Good Communication Shared Responsibility Fairness Safety/Non-Violence PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Loving Someone Means... Each person: Listens to the other person and his/her ideas Considers the other’s needs Exchanges physical affection consistent with the relationship Lets the other be first sometimes Takes care of him/her self Feels comfortable Wishes to be with the other person Feels valued in the relationship Values the differences between them PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Dating Violence The emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse of one partner by the other in a dating relationship where the couple is not living together. Couple= ♂♀ ♀♀ ♂♂ PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Dating Violence Statistics More than 1/4 of victims and 3 of 10 offenders see violence in a dating relationship as a sign of love The average age of the first violent relationship experience is 15 years 1 Sugarman & Hotaling, 1989 2 Gelles, R. J., & Straus, M. A. (1988). Intimate violence. The causes and consequences of abuse in the American family. Toronto: Simon and Schuster. 3 Henton et al, 1983 Over half of students who experience violence at the hands of a dating partner remained involved with the person. (Cate, 1982,p.85) PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Power PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Emotional Abuse Rejecting Degrading Terrorizing Isolating Corrupting Ignoring Terrorizing Corrupting Exploiting Controlling PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Prevent Emotional Abuse Keep your support network intact. Don’t accept inappropriate or disrespectful treatment. Stop it before it starts. PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Physical Assault Hitting Slapping Punching Kicking Shoving Throwing The intentional use of force or threats of force on another person in an attempt to control behaviour and/ or intimidate. Examples: Hitting Slapping Punching Kicking Shoving Throwing Pulling hair PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Cycle of Abuse The cycle will continue and the severity of violence will increase unless there is intervention. PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Prevent Physical Assault Be aware of: The Emotional Assault warning signs. Signs of a potentially abusive partner: Unable to cope with difficult emotions, has a bad temper, may break things, justifies or thinks violence is funny, uses drugs or alcohol, or lacks empathy or compassion. PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Sexual Assault Kissing Flashing Touching Fondling Intercourse Oral sex When someone forces any form of sexual activity on someone else without that person’s consent Examples: Kissing Flashing Touching Fondling Intercourse Oral sex PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Consent Consent is active, not passive. Consent is based on choice. Consent is not manipulated. Consent is not coerced. Consent is not submission due to fear. Consent is freely given. PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Age of Consent The legal age to consent to sexual activity in Canada is 16 years old. Effective May 1, 2008, the legal age of consent in Canada was raised from 14 – 16 years. PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Close-in-Age Exemptions for Youth Aged 12–15 If a youth is 12 or 13 the law allows for consent to sexual activity with someone less than 2 years older If a youth is 14 or 15 the law allows for consent to sexual activity with someone less than 5 years older A youth of 16 or 17, is considered under the law to be able to consent to sexual activity with an adult, regardless of age The law is focused on prohibiting sexual activity between youth and adults, not on criminalizing sexual activity between peers, and so contains a “Close in age” exemptions for youth between the ages of 12 – 15 **There would be an exception if the couple was married, live common law, are pregnant or parenting together. PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Regardless of Age Consent does NOT exist when... the older person is in a position of trust or authority one person threatens or uses force a third party says “yes” for someone a person is incapable of consent (e. g. intoxicated) the person expressed in words or conduct a lack of agreement (e. g. saying “no”) the person changed his/ her mind at any point PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Prevent Sexual Assault Go to parties and on dates in groups. There is strength & protection in numbers. Look out for your friends. Do a head count every so often and make sure you know where everyone is. Always have a plan for a ride home before you go out. Avoid drugs and alcohol. Avoid being alone with people you don’t know. Be firm and assertive about your sexual boundaries. Know your limits and communicate them clearly. Do not push boundaries and respect another person’s boundaries. PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Intervention for Sexual Assault Access the hospital within 72 hours to preserve evidence. There are several choices at the hospital and a victim can choose 1 or all depending on their comfort level: Physical exam to determine harm Medical Testing – for STDs, pregnancy Sexual Assault Kit- evidence gathering Reporting to the Police Support – counseling PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Youth Criminal Justice Act Youth ages 12 – 17 can be charged with a crime. There are many sentencing options under the YCJA. Some of the options include: Community Service Probation A fine Custody PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Youth Criminal Justice Act Youth custody can range from a maximum of 2 years to 10 years depending on the type of custody sentence and the type of crime committed. Youth can be sentenced as an adult if they are: Over the age of 14 years ** ** this age varies from Province to Province. An adult sentence can be given only if the Crown Counsel can prove that an adult sentence is appropriate. PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

Where to go for HELP Talk to someone you trust (e.g. parents, school counsellor) Sexual assault and information centre Hospital emergency ward Police Transition Houses for women and children (referrals from the police) Crisis Centre Keep trying until you get the help you need PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS

How to Help a Friend Listen to your friend Express regret and empathize Affirm your friend as a courageous person for disclosing Decide on how you will support your friend Report/Refer Defining Options: who to tell counselling medical care confronting assailant reporting to school authorities reporting to police laying charges suing assailant in civil court PROMOTING HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS