Aiming your words right: using plain language in the office Laura Murto-Lindén Language Specialist Finnish Defence Forces BILC Conference 2013 Tblisi, Georgia laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

Something needs to change English language skills Administrative procedures Joint Analysis Lessons Learned Centre, 2010.Analysis of interoperability shortfalls in current NATO-led operations: laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

Readability = an interplay between text and reader Those features of the reader that make reading easy are: Prior knowledge Reading skill Interest Motivation Those features of the text that make reading easy are: Content Style Design Organization laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

NATO JOB DESCRIPTION ZSC MLI 0040 laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

And what they’re actually saying is… Is there a brave soul out there that would like to dumb this down for us? The fact of the matter is: you can’t. As long as you don’t actually know what is happening, you cannot modify the text. The story behind this job description is that I was asked to translate it into Finnish by the Personnel Division. Once a Finn will have actually worked in this position, they will report what the actual content of the job was. The Personnel Division will then devise a third version that is based on the translation and the officer’s account = plainer version. laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

Example from US Army Regulations: the original version Methods of Transmission or Transportation: 7-301. Secret Information. Administrative procedures shall be established by each DoD Component for controlling Secret information and material originated or received by an activity; distributed or routed to a sub-element of such activity; and disposed of by the activity by transfer of custody or destruction. The control system for Secret information must be determined by a practical balance of security and operating efficiency and must meet the following minimum requirements: It must provide a means to ensure that Secret material sent outside a major subordinate element (the activity) of the DoD Component concerned has been delivered to the intended recipient... It must provide a record of receipt and dispatch of Secret material by each major subordinate element. The dispatch record requirement may be satisfied when the distribution of Secret material is evident and addressees or distribution lists for classified documentation... Records of receipt and dispatch for Secret material shall be retained for a minimum of 2 years... Army Regulations: G2/Counterintelligence and Security Division, Department of the Army, Handbook Information Security Program Handbook laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

The “simplified” version Transmission, Methods: 4-102. Secret. You may send secret information by US Registered Postal Service mail within and between the United States and its Territories. You may use Federal Express and U.S. Post Service Express Mail for transmitting secret mail within the United States and between the United States and its Territories under the following STRICT condition security: Mail should meet the weight and size limits of the carrier used. You should follow the inner wrappings and receipt requirements in this handbook. You should ensure delivery by Friday so that the carrier is not in possession of the package over the weekend. This rewritten version of an Army Information Security manual makes good use of sub-sections and white space and eliminates irrelevant information. laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

The NATO job description Word uses the so-called Flesch Reading Ease formula, which basically assesses the number of syllables and the number of sentences for each 100-word sample. laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

Interpreting the readability score Average age of reader Approx. school grade 0.0 – 30 Best understood by university graduates Tertiary degree 60 - 70 Easily understood by 13- to 15-year-old students 7th or 8th grade 90 – 100 Easily understood by an average 11-year-old student 4th grade A simplification of a much more detailed table. See references for sources. laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

This is how you make Microsoft Word display readability statistics Tools → Options → Spelling & Grammar tab → Show readability statistics (left-hand corner) Word will display the readability statistics of your document after you have run it through spell check. laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

you have written in plain language. If your audience can… find what they need understand what they find use what they find Written material is in plain language if your audience can: http://www.plainlanguage.gov/whatisPL/index.cfm you have written in plain language. laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

First example, part 1 laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

First example, part 2 laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

A letter addressed to boys under 18 with dual FIN-US citizenship laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

Reading “ease”: best understood by university graduates Grade level: university laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

A “simplified” version of the same letter laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

Reading ease: fairly difficult Grade level: some high school laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

In the classroom Ask your students to consider WHY they are writing. Do they want to: Inform Impress Intimidate Convince Conform Sound like a native speaker Show authority? laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

Plain language in the office: a question of attitude Describing problems in NATO communication as “language proficiency shortfalls” is not helpful. Successful communication is a two-way process. Just what sort of language should our students be proficient in? Please note: I have bought a limited licence for the cartoon. Please do not reproduce it other than in this presentation. www.CartoonStock.com laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION! NATIONAL DEFENCE UNIVERSITY FINNISH DEFENCE LANGUAGE CENTRE

References Smart Language, Readers, Readability, and the Grading of Text, William H. DuBay © 2007 (slide 5) http://www.plainlanguage.gov/examples/before_after/govregarmy.cfm (slide 10-11) http://www.nald.ca/library/research/readab/readab.pdf (slide 13) http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/word-help/test-your-document-s-readability-HP010148506.aspx (slide 14) http://www.plainlanguage.gov/whatisPL/index.cfm (slide 15) Talouskasvua? Ensin pitää osata lukea. Annamari Sipilä (annamari.sipila@hs.fi), Helsingin Sanomat 29 NOV 2012 The cartoons on slides 4 and 12 have been reproduced free of charge. The one on slide 12 requires a small licence fee: www.CartoonStock.com. Please do not copy the cartoon. laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre

laura.murto-linden@mil.fi Finnish Defence Language Centre