BRIGHTER DAYS BOUNDARY TRAINING Building Appropriate Relationships Between Guests and Volunteers

Purpose Provide volunteer staff with uniform standard understanding of boundary expectations Help the Brighter Days staff improve service skills so that guests will have the best housing experience possible To ensure an atmosphere of high standards of dignity, safety, service, quality, and respect

What are Professional Boundaries? Boundaries are the limitations that volunteer staff place on their relationships with guests in order to ensure that each individual receives the same quality of service. What is the purpose of professional boundaries? To protect guests and volunteer staff from becoming entangled in unhealthy situations. To provide understanding of the different roles and responsibilities of various stakeholders at Brighter Days. Example stakeholders: Paid Staff Volunteer staff Police Social service agency representatives

Understanding Boundaries is not the same as Knowing Policies and Procedures Policies and Procedures are about understanding the “black and white” rules. Boundaries are a mixture of understanding the policies and procedures of Brighter Days & understanding the dynamics of maintaining a professional relationship with someone in need. Understanding boundaries means knowing how to behave in the “gray” areas. For example, a policy may state that the lights out time for a guest is 10 PM. However, a professional boundary may need to be in place that a conversation with a particularly talkative and energetic guest needs to end by 9:30 so they have time to relax and disengage from social interaction.

Examples of Boundaries Not giving or accepting gifts Maintaining appropriate physical space between guests and volunteer staff. Refusing to engage in favors or special treatment Separating your time as a volunteer staff from your time outside of Brighter Days Consistently adhering to the policies and procedures outlined for guests and volunteer staff. Only spending time with guests in group settings, unless in a situation that requires one-on-one interaction

When Boundaries are crossed When a guest crosses a professional boundary: Discuss with the guest why this behavior is inappropriate. If a Brighter Days policy is in place prohibiting this, remind them. Explain an alternative option in how to handle this particular situation (Ex. If a client of the opposite gender wanted to hug you, explain that hugs are against policy, but you could high-five instead). If necessary, refer the guest to other resources or staff who are properly trained to address their need. Inform a staff member if necessary, especially if the behavior creates an unsafe environment for guests/volunteer staff.

Activity A guest approaches you asking for money to buy a new shirt for an upcoming job interview, promising to pay you back soon. She says she is aware doing so violates policy, but believes this situation is different because you have both gone to the same church for years and knew each other before her time at Brighter Days. How do you respond? Decline – explain that regardless of your past relationship or shared church, it is against policy to exchange money with guests. Furthermore, lending money on the basis of a dual relationship (shared church membership) is a form of special treatment, which is unfair to other guests Referral – refer the guest to a staff member or their caseworker, who can assist them with finding proper clothing

Solution Discuss – Explain that regardless of your past relationship or shared church, it is against policy to exchange money with guests. Furthermore, lending money on the basis of a dual relationship (shared church membership) is a form of special treatment, which is unfair to other guests. Offer alternatives – Explain that resources are available to help the guest with financial problems, and that case managers will evaluate and determine assistance. Referral – Refer the guest to a staff member or their caseworker, who can assist them with finding proper clothing.

Discussion What are potential ways to decline a gift from a guest without hurting their feelings? Acknowledge that the gift is an expression of gratitude – “this is a very nice gesture.” Explain that Brighter Days policy explicitly prohibits you from accepting, regardless of how small the gift is. Tell the client that you would feel better if they spent their money on themselves, or kept the item to enjoy themselves if it has already been purchased/made. Acknowledge that the gift is an expression of gratitude – “this is a very nice gesture” Explain that Brighter Days policy explicitly prohibits you from accepting, regardless of how small the gift is Tell the client that you would feel better if they spent their money on themselves, or kept the item to enjoy themselves if it has already been purchased/made

How to Build Relationships with Appropriate Boundaries Active listening – a form of listening in which attention is focused on the speaker. The listener hears what the speaker is saying, and repeats it back in his or her own words. The listener may also interpret the emotions behind what is being said (“It appears to me that you feel sad when ________ happened”). This indicates that the listener understands what the speaker is saying, as well as their emotional response to what they are describing. It is unnecessary for the listener to agree with the speaker. Instead, the point is to show whether the listener understands what the speaker wants to convey. If the listener did not understand, the speaker can continue to explain. Listening is distinctly different than counseling. (Source: University of Colorado)

Active Listening Barriers to effective listening Being preoccupied – looking away, glancing at your watch, or being distracted by other people in the room, etc. Fearing silence – filling all the empty silent space with questions or chatter. Interrupting or listening mainly to find an opening to get the floor. Rehearsing what you will say next while the person is still talking. Mind reading – assuming you know what the other person is going to say. Listening to your own personal beliefs about what is being said. Filtering out what you do not want to hear. Advising the other person what to do all the time. Bombarding with questions that overwhelm the other person. Comparing the person to someone else, either verbally or in your own mind. Remember ever person is different! Judging the other person. Be aware of the value differences that may occur in the mentoring relationship. Not asking for clarification when you know that you do not understand. (Source: Living Waters Volunteer Training)

Active Listening As a volunteer, a best practice of building a relationship is grounded in listening and asking questions. Disclosing information about yourself and drawing attention to your own life is discouraged. Confidentiality on both sides is key to professional boundaries - remember Brighter Days policy regarding what personal information about yourself or a guest may be shared, when, and with whom. As an active listener, you will begin to understand not only a guest’s spoken needs, but begin to understand other needs that may not be spoken. These needs may be communicated to Brighter Days staff and help build a greater understanding of how the guest’s case manager may best service the guest.

Activity – (group training) Break up into pairs. Discuss your fears and hopes for volunteering with Brighter Days while practicing active listening, giving each partner a turn in the role of speaker. Consider: How did it feel to be listened to? What felt natural/unnatural? What did you learn about the other person? Other thoughts and feelings? (Source: Living Waters Volunteer Training)

10 Warning Signs That A Volunteer May Be Crossing A Boundary You consistently spend more time with one client than others You spend time with a client when you are “off duty,” such as lunch, after work, or on weekends The guest stays up late or wants to stay at Brighter Days during your afternoon shift in order be around while you are volunteering You feel that you are the only person who really understands the client You ignore other volunteers or staff when your relationship is questioned

10 Warning Signs That A Volunteer May Be Crossing A Boundary You keep secrets with the guest or do not report sensitive information to staff Your communication with a guest has become overly familiar or flirtatious You think a lot about a particular guest when you are not at Brighter Days You begin to view the guest as your “favorite”, other volunteers respond by directing the guest to you. You participate in criticism of other volunteers or staff with the guest

What to do if a boundary is crossed? If you think you have crossed a boundary or are in danger of doing so, share with Brighter Days staff. If you notice another volunteer who may be crossing a boundary, share concern with Brighter Days staff. REMEMBER: Many examples of crossing boundaries may seem harmless, but often result in patterns that lead to a deterioration of respect for and understanding of Brighter Days policies and procedures. Most importantly it generally not the best for those that are being provided services.

Building the Relationship The guidelines shared in this may, at first glance, seem to prevent building a worthwhile relationship with a guest. The concerns shared in this training are designed to help volunteers understand how to serve guests in a friendly way, without building friendships that establish a relationship outside of Brighter Days. However, when appropriate, developing a friendship with a client may necessitate stepping away from a volunteer role at Brighter Days in favor of building relationships with the guests outside of the institutional setting of Brighter Days.

Highly Trained Volunteers (HTVs) For those volunteers who want to begin to develop relationships with guests outside of Brighter Days, there will be future training opportunities to learn the more nuanced policies and procedures required to professionally engage and support guests in the community. These volunteer roles are not currently available, but will be developed as Brighter Days staff learn what is the most helpful way to maintain volunteer contact throughout the day. Keep in mind, these roles will be the only roles that allow volunteers to develop intentional relationships beyond the walls of the Brighter Days Housing Facility

Talking about boundaries with guests In this training, you have learned many details about boundaries. As a volunteer, you will be in situations where these boundaries are challenged by guests. When these situations arise, it is appropriate to explicitly tell the guest that there is a “boundary” that you can not cross as a volunteer. This is an excellent opportunity to explain the boundary as a way of educating the client and, when appropriate, to direct the guest to the appropriate staff or stakeholder.

Questions? Please feel free to email any questions or concerns you have regarding the overview above to lovechapeldirector@columbuslovechapel.com