Self-Control Career Management Obj. 1.02

Self-control (discipline): Training of oneself; correction or regulation of oneself for improvement Self-observation: Awareness of one’s own personality, skills, and traits Reward Technique: Something desirable given in return for what somebody has done Punishment Technique: A penalty that is imposed on somebody for wrongdoing

Extinction: The process of eliminating or reducing a conditioned response by not reinforcing it Alternate Behavior: A technique used to reduce or eliminate undesirable behaviors by substituting them with desirable behaviors Stimulus Control: Is said to occur when an organism behaves in one way in the presence of a given stimulus and another way in its absence.

Self-Control and Communication "[Speak when you are] angry, [and] you will make the best speech you will ever regret.“ --Ambrose Bierce One of the greatest powers in negotiation is the power of not reacting. Human beings are reaction machines. We often do that, whether it's in the boardroom or at the office cooler. We lose it. And in negotiation in particular, where we're trying to advance our interests, the single biggest barrier isn't the other side; it turns out to be us. It's our own natural human reactions, which is why it's so important not to react. I like to use a metaphor of going to the balcony. In other words, take a step back from the situation. Imagine you're negotiating on a stage, and part of your mind goes up to a mental balcony, someplace overlooking the stage, a place where you can get some perspective. You can see what's really going on; you can keep your eyes on the prize. Ask, "What are my real objectives in this negotiation?" Whether I'm negotiating with a tough client, or tough boss, or tough colleague, I ask, "What are my real objectives here, and how can I best advance them?" Keep your eyes on the prize so you don't get mad. You don't get even, but you get what you want.

Developing Self-Control The Mischel Experiments AROUND 1970, psychologist Walter Mischel launched a classic experiment. He left a succession of 4-year-olds in a room with a bell and a marshmallow. If they rang the bell, he would come back and they could eat the marshmallow. If, however, they didn't ring the bell and waited for him to come back on his own, they could then have two marshmallows. In videos of the experiment, you can see the children squirming, kicking, hiding their eyes -- desperately trying to exercise self-control so they can wait and get two marshmallows. Their performance varied widely. Some broke down and rang the bell within a minute. Others lasted 15 minutes. The children who waited longer went on to get higher SAT scores. They got into better colleges and had, on average, better adult outcomes. The children who rang the bell quickest were more likely to become bullies. They received worse teacher and parental evaluations 10 years later and were more likely to have drug problems at age 32. The Mischel experiments, along with everyday experience, tell us that self-control is essential. Young people who can delay gratification can sit through sometimes boring classes to get a degree. They can perform rote tasks in order to, say, master a language. They can avoid drugs and alcohol. For people without self-control skills, however, school is a series of failed ordeals. No wonder they drop out. Life is a parade of foolish decisions: teenage pregnancy, drug use, gambling, truancy and crime.

Developing Self-Control Self-control can be improved but: It takes time! It takes a conscious decision every time a situation arises to exhibit self-control. Reward technique. Punishment technique. Extinction. Alternate behavior. Stimulus control. All ways that we can consciously decide to practice self- control in a necessary situation. The good news is that while differences in the ability to delay gratification emerge early and persist, that ability can be improved with conscious effort. Moral lectures don't work. Sheer willpower doesn't seem to work either. The children who resisted eating the marshmallow didn't stare directly at it and exercise iron discipline. On the contrary, they were able to resist their appetites because they were able to think about other things.