The Green Eyed-Monster Coping with Jealousy PAGE October 15, 2010 CAG Communicator Summer 2010

Envy or Jealousy? Envy Jealousy The desire for something that belongs to someone else. You just don’t want the other person to have what we don’t have. Material things A feeling of resentment that someone else got something that you feel YOU deserved. Wants what someone else has. Toward attention, recognition, status or affection.

Envy Usually directed toward those we don’t’ know well.

Jealousy Usually directed toward persons who are close to us. Inner Circle

What are the signs? Stop communicating with you Maybe stop saying hello Exclusion Cold shoulder or silent treatment

...How do we expect our friends to react to our good fortune? Why? Too painful for them to hang out with you It hurts to be the target of jealousy- especially by those who are close to you ...How do we expect our friends to react to our good fortune?

Hallmarks of jealousy Verbal aggression Gossip Criticize Slander Say mean things to our face or behind our backs Can begin aggressively competing with us Look for ways to spend more time with us One–upmanship Imitation- can be flattering or seem aggressive

When to be concerned Sabotage Physical aggression Cyber bullying Photoshop Sabotage Physical aggression Cyber bullying harassment Social networking Phoebe Prince

Cultural and Gender Differences Culture Girls tend to react supportively to friends who have disappointments. Girls report they are jealous of friends’ successes much more than boys do. Girls need to be taught how to cheer on others Be modest about their own success. Collectivist cultures see individual success as something to admire and emulate or as honoring the group. “You made us all look good.”

Coping Help them to shift their focus to what they can do about themselves (SMART goals) Target one change to make Honest self- appraisal Set clear limits on aggressive behavior Help them to build their own confidence

Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic Timely