Change your Life without Changing your Life Heather K. Hubeny, LMSW, CEAP Employee Assistance Program Coordinator

Relationships Positive psychology advocates Ed Diener and Martin Seligman cite studies demonstrating that “of 24 character strengths, those that best predict life satisfaction are the interpersonal ones.” Other studies show that if you have 5 or more friends with whom you can discuss an important matter, you are far more likely to describe yourself as “very happy”. One study showed that whether you are exercising, commuting or doing housework, everything is more fun in company. And this was found to be true for both extroverts and introverts. In fact, researchers found that of 15 daily activities, the only one that people preferred doing alone was praying. Having strong relationships not only make you happier, the research shows that having positive relationships with others lengthens your life span even more than quitting smoking does, boosts your immunity and cuts your risk of depression.

Relationships Social experiment where two total strangers are asked to take a seat & make a friend http://www.upworthy.com/you-ll-never-believe-what-these-adults-found-in-this-ball-pit-2 (4:35) Shows how having meaningful connections with others can increase our happiness.

Relationships Marriage Stop nagging Don’t expect appreciation or praise Fight right Accept differences Show how much you care One rather alarming fact jumps out when you review the research about happiness and marriage: marital satisfaction drops substantially after a first child arrives. On a happier note (pun intended), many studies show that a good relationship with a significant other is one of the factors most strongly associated with happiness. One study showed that a 30% increase in one spouse’s happiness boosts the other spouse’s happiness, while a drop in one spouse’s happiness drags the other down. Some of the happiness resolutions Gretchen Rubin tried for this theme included: a resolution to “Stop nagging” Studies show the quality of a couple’s friendship determines in large part whether or not they feel satisfied with their marriage and nothing kills the feeling of friendship more than nagging. Don’t expect appreciation or praise Gretchen talks a lot about needing to be recognized – getting a gold star – when you do something nice for someone else. Hawthorne effect = tendency of some people to work harder and perform better when they are given attention . This effect was first discovered and named by researchers at Harvard University who were studying the relationship between productivity and work environment. Researchers conducted these experiments at the Hawthorne Works plant of Western Electric. The study was originally commissioned to determine if increasing or decreasing the amount of light workers received increased or decreased worker productivity. The researchers found that productivity increased due to attention from the research team and not because of changes to the experimental variable. Fight right based on a German research study that showed how a couple fights matters more than how much they fight Accept differences One study details that there is a big difference in what men and women see as intimacy. Women’s idea of an intimate moment is a face-to-face conversation. Men feel close when they work or play sitting near someone – no talking needed. Show your feelings through your actions

Relationships Coping with Negative Relationships limit your time with negative people if you have to be around negativity Say nothing Make a non-committal response Change the subject Validate the feeling behind the negativity and be direct about how it affects you Negativity, whether it comes from ourselves or others, has a tremendous impact on our health as well as our happiness. One research study followed almost 7,000 adults throughout the span of 40 years. The ones who scored as the most optimistic in their youth, based on a standard personality test, had a lower risk of dying during that 40 year period. The pessimistic people were 42% more likely to die during that same time period. When we are surrounded with pessimistic people, the ones who always talk about problems but never do anything about them, those negative thoughts enter our own subconscious and whatever enters can affect our beliefs about things in our life. Pretty soon we start acting upon these beliefs. Some of the happiness strategies for coping with negative relationships were: limit your time with negative people If you have to be around negativity, Say nothing – this discourages the conversation from continuing Make a non-committal response like “You may be right” - you haven’t disagreed, you haven’t agreed but you’ve responded Change the subject “Oh, that reminds me...” Validate the feeling behind the negativity and be direct about how it affects you “You sound so angry and frustrated. It makes me feel helpless.”