Forgiveness

Positive Affect Future: optimism, hope, faith, trust Present: joy, ecstasy, calm, zest, pleasure Past: satisfaction, contentment, fulfillment, pride, serenity

Past Revenge or avoidance requires a lot of energy Can affect current relationships Risk Trust Resentment

Forgiveness Easy Something that can or should be forced (choice) should not be treated as a duty or obligation Should not be something trivialized Something that can or should be forced (choice) Excuse the offense of offender or tolerate either Not require reconciliation Not dependent on the offender changing Not a guarantee that offender or others will not hurt again Not burying or denying or invalidating our pain Not forgetting

Forgiveness Protect us from further offense by trying to out harm the defender Surrender the right to get even For our protection Makes the offender responsible not us A process that takes time A choice

How to forgive Admit the offense Face the emotions connected to the offense Accept the responsibility for holding onto the offense and the pain Decide I want to let go/ heal Practice forgiveness Learn to forgive yourself

Past 1=strongly disagree, 2=disagree, 3=neutral, 4=agree, 5=strongly agree 1. I’ll make him/her pay 2. I am trying to keep as much distance between us as possible 3. I wish that something bad would happen to him/her 4. I am living as if he/she doesn’t exist, or isn’t around 5. I don’t trust him/her 6. I want him/her to get what he/she deserves 7. I am finding it difficult to act warmly toward him/her 8. I am avoiding him/her 9. I’m going to get even 10. I cut off the relationship with him/her 11. I want to see him/her hurt and miserable 12. I withdraw from him/her

Past Total your scores for items 2,4,5,7,8,10, and 12 Mean 12.6 17.6 and above in most avoidant third 22.8 and above in the most avoidant 10th Total your scores for 1,3,6,9, and 11 Around 7.7 average 11 and above most vengeful third 13.2 and above most vengeful tenth