TRIP T- Topic R- Relationship I- Identity/Facework P- Process Types of Goals TRIP T- Topic R- Relationship I- Identity/Facework P- Process

Topic Two types of Topic struggles (also known as content struggles): 1) People want the same thing: Two people want the same job, same romantic partner etc. 2) People want different things: money for a car, time spent together etc. Loaning $, a promotion, a clean apartment, etc.

Relational Goals The key question is: “Who are we in relation to each other during the interaction?” “I thought we were friends/colleagues/exclusive?” Relational goals are at the heart of all conflict interactions, but are difficult to specify from the outside. Each person translates the conflict into their own relational meaning.

Who are you? Make a list of identity characteristics, for example, “I am an honest person.” Which characteristic(s) do you find yourself defending the most? Why? How do you face save? (What do you say or do, to try to keep the characteristic as part of your identity?)

Identity Goals “How may my self identity be protected, or repaired in this particular conflict.?” “I am a straight A student!” When a B paper was just received. “I am an independent person.” When a friend points out that her parents pay for rent and tuition. Simply listing the answers to “who I am?” will be a good start for identifying your identity goals.

Process Goals “Which communication process would work best?” In a romantic relationship: “We don’t go to bed angry.” In the workplace: “We decide by consensus.” In a family: “Children have no vote.”

Goal Clarity Solutions go unrecognized if you don’t know what you want. Only clear goals can be shared. “I want to argue better.” Clear goals can be altered more easily than vague goals. “I don’t want either of us to name call when we argue.” Clear goals are reached more often than unclear goals. Self knowledge is important! I want to feel respected, even if we are arguing

Goals Change in Interaction Prospective Goals: The goals that are indicated before one engages in a conflict. “ I want to understand what you mean by “taking a break.” Transactive Goals: One discovered during the conflict itself. “Given this discussion, I would rather just be friends.” Retrospective Goals: Emerge after the conflict is over. “All along I was just wondering if it could be the way it use to be (monogamous)because I miss you.” (Monday morning quarterbacking)

TRIP exercise Read dialogue and answer questions. There are two useful exercises for TRIP

Content-Relational Dimensions Content: The topic being discussed. “I need to wash my hair.” Relationship: How you feel about the other person. “I am not attracted to you.”

Restoring lost face Help others increase their sense of self-esteem.pg 81 Avoid giving directives. Listen carefully to others and take their concerns into account. Ask questions so the other person can examine his or her own goals.