Getting Out the Door Alive! Making mornings easier

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We are real life parents With real husbands Raising sons and daughters We are real chauffeurs – our kids play hockey, dance, play piano, guitar, skate, play tennis, have friends, do homework, argue, complain, whine, sulk... REAL LIFE – we lose it, feel frustrated, feel shameful, we’ve been there.

This is for you if... You feel like you have to do everything: get the kids up, dressed, get breakfast on the table, feed them, wash hands/face, get coats and boots on get them into the car You know that you will intervene on 3 separate fights tomorrow morning, go back to the house for the lunch kit and the fieldtrip permission form that will be signed at the red light.

This is for you if... You keep living the same disasters every day, just hoping they will change You can’t understand why your kids don’t “get it” because you tell them the same stuff all the time You are feeling so burned out by the time the kids are at school that you don’t know how to get through the rest of your day.

Here’s what’s possible We’re going to take that disaster morning that keeps repeating itself and change it into a morning plan that works We’re going to have you doing less and your kids doing more We’re going to have them feeling great about taking more responsibility so that everybody wins

We’re going to cover How to decrease your guilt How to manage morning, mealtime and bedtime hassles How to increase respectful communication in your family How to set clear expectations How to validate feelings How to get your kids involved in solutions

Family Stressors Feeling Guilty Poor Childcare Not understanding why children misbehave Pampering Lack of Effective Parenting Skills Lack of Social and Life Skill training Lack of Organization Neglecting Children Workaholism

Family Related Stressors Feeling Guilty Pampering Lack of Effective Parenting Skills

GUILT!

(Guilt-Anger-Remorse Cycle) Because… With guilt comes PAMPERING PARENTING (Guilt-Anger-Remorse Cycle)

Step One Become Aware

HASSLES Morning Hassles Bedtime Hassles Homework Hassles Chore Hassles

Invitations we can do without Giving orders invites rebellion Blame invites defensiveness and deaf ears Rewards invite manipulation Punishment invites the revenge cycle

Step Two Parenting with a Plan

Parenting with a Plan Awareness Structure and Consistency Emotions Problem-Solving and Autonomy Language of Encouragement Values/Vision – what are our goals for our children?

R.S.V.P. R. Respectful and Positive Communication

We need to stop… Guilting Insults Threats Orders Sermons Poor Me Billy’s Better Uncompliment Forecasting

M.O.D.E.L. M. Message O. One Word D. Describe the Problem E. Express Feelings L. Lead Problem-Solving

R.S.V.P. S. Set Expectations

Family Habits Permissive Habit Punitive Habit Model Habit

Child learns to put up with nagging and chatter to have own way. Permissive Habit Parent’s Behaviour Child’s Behaviour Reprimand, shout at child Wishes, shoulds Beg, remind, nag Frustrated, upset Yells, more frustration Ignores Behaviour Ignore Ignore or stops then starts Behaviour continues Child learns to put up with nagging and chatter to have own way.

Child learns to ignore parent until parent hurts or scares child. Punitive Habit Parent’s Behaviour Child’s Behaviour Reprimand, yell at child Threaten Become angry/embarassed Grab child, blame, scold Punish child Ignore, start to take notice Stop behaviour temporarily, then starts again Child is scared Behaviour stops for a short time. Child learns to ignore parent until parent hurts or scares child.

Your New Habit Parent’s Behaviour Child’s Behaviour Go to child and get child’s attention Acknowledge feelings if nec. I saw, I heard (talk about behaviour calmly) Give child a choice Follow through on consequence Child is with parent and not distracted Child works through feelings and moves to calm Child states choices and chooses Behaviour stops or consequence is applied Child learns that behaviours have positive /negative consequences

Positive Parenting If you say it, mean it. If you mean it, follow through.

R.S.V.P. V. Validate Feelings

Express Your Feelings When… I feel… because…

R.S.V.P. P. Plan with your children - Take time to teach

Family Power Hour Give your children opportunities to learn the skills they will need to be successful people in life. “Tell me – I forget Teach me – I remember Involve me – I understand” With understanding comes cooperation Impossible to teach during conflict

Morning Routine Get Dressed Eat Breakfast Brush Teeth Put on Shoes

We are going to get out of the house alive! R. Respectful and Positive Communication

Respectful Communication “ I need your help…” “ I expect you to…” “ I expect you to cooperate” “ I have faith in you to handle this problem in a way that is helpful to you and me.” “ When, then… not If, then…” “ I know you can” “ What is next on the routine chart?” “ Thanks for your patience.” “ Thanks for your cooperation”

We are going to get out of the house alive! R. Respectful and Positive Communication S. Set Expectations V. Validate Feelings P. Plan (with your children)

Parenting Power We help you to find your right way to parent!