Center for Conflict Resolution Serving the Kansas City area since 1999

Mediations help families, neighborhoods and businesses solve conflict.

Interactive whole classroom workshops on Conflict Resolution teach students skills for problem solving

Teachers and administrators model positive relationships with students through Restorative Discipline

Community members are trained in Restorative Justice to include everyone affected by harm in finding solutions

Trauma Awareness and Resilience workshops explore the inter-relatedness of justice, peace, mercy and truth

FIVE STEPS TO CONFLICT TRANSFORMATION

Dignity: It’s Essential Role in Resolving Conflict Donna Hicks Ph.D. We are social beings, hardwired to react to the way others treat us, and we are all vulnerable. Dignity is an internal state of peace that comes with the recognition and acceptance of the value and vulnerability of all living things.

Ten Essential Elements of Dignity Acceptance of Identity 6. Fairness Inclusion 7. Benefit of the Doubt Safety 8. Understanding Acknowledgment 9. Independence Recognition 10. Accountability

Temptations to Violate Dignity Taking the Bait 6. Avoiding Conflict Saving Face 7. Being the Victim Shirking Responsibility 8. Resisting Feedback Seeking False Dignity 9. Blaming to Deflect Seeking False Security 10. Engaging in Gossip

Without using any words - Draw a picture of CONFLICT

When we think of Conflict………… Anger Frustrated Fight Argue Anxious Win/lose Helpless Unhappy Confused Exhausted Uncomfortable Hostile

If we think of Conflict as an opportunity, what are some words that come to mind?

Conflict as an Opportunity………… Growth Creativity Improved relationships Satisfaction Understanding Empathy Expanded view Solutions that last Hope Confidence Inspiration Gratifying

Position vs. Interest Position Interest Non-negotiable Win/lose___________ Interest What about that is important to you? What is the underlying need? Allows possibility for shared goals.

Non-anxious Presence (NAP) Family Systems Theory – Murry Bowen M.D. A non-anxious presence will modify the anxiety of everyone. To the extent that we can recognize and contain our own anxiety, then we function as step-down transformers, or perhaps circuit breakers.

We can either be…

CURIOUS

or RIGHT

We can either…

LEARN

or PROTECT

Listen to Understand and Show you are Listening With a non-anxious presence, say what you heard. Notice - FEELINGS and CONTENT Example: “It sounds like you feel worried because the cost of your health insurance may go up.”

PRACTICE Find a partner - Decide who is ‘A’ and who is ‘B’ “You feel___________ because_________________”

FIVE STEPS TO CONFLICT TRANSFORMATION

RESOLVE TO UPHOLD YOUR OWN AND OTHER’S DIGNITY #1 RESOLVE TO UPHOLD YOUR OWN AND OTHER’S DIGNITY

MOVE TOWARD THE CONFLICT, SEEING IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY #2 MOVE TOWARD THE CONFLICT, SEEING IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY

FOCUS ON INTERESTS INSTEAD OF POSITIONS #3 FOCUS ON INTERESTS INSTEAD OF POSITIONS

WITH A NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE, SHOW YOU ARE LISTENING… #4 WITH A NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE, SHOW YOU ARE LISTENING… “You feel_______because___________.”

CURIOUS or RIGHT LEARN or PROTECT #5 CURIOUS or RIGHT LEARN or PROTECT

Act as an informal facilitator (it may help you to be less emotional about the topic) and guide conversations in a FAIR and EVENHANDED way – Upholding your own and other’s dignity.

THANK YOU and GOOD LUCK!