When Mr. Goodenwell saw his baby boy Vince for the first time, he swore that he'd do anything to protect the little guy. This was easy at first, when.

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Presentation transcript:

When Mr. Goodenwell saw his baby boy Vince for the first time, he swore that he'd do anything to protect the little guy. This was easy at first, when all Vince did was lie in a pillow and drink milk. But as little Vince grew bigger, he started walking. And once he started walking, he got into everything. He was becoming a serious threat to himself when Mr. Goodenwell, making good on his vow to protect his son, went to the store and bought $150 worth of equipment to childproof his home. He put covers on the outlets, bumpers on the table corners, and a sliding lock on the toilet lid. But right as Mr. Goodenwell was adjusting the covers on the door knobs, Vince pulled the cap off an outlet and choked on it. Mr. Goodenwell found him just in time. WHAT TYPE OF IRONY IS THIS? EXPLAIN YOUR ANSWER….

One bright and warm Easter morning, Timmy Holloway woke up to the smell of eggs, but not breakfast eggs, Easter eggs. That's right Timmy had a craving for Easter eggs, and today was the day to get them boy howdy. There was only one thing standing in his way, well two really: the Solomon brothers. The Solomon brothers got more eggs than Timmy every year because there were two of them and they counted their eggs as one. Timmy suspected that this was cheating but he couldn't articulate the notion. When Timmy got to the fair grounds, he clutched his Easter egg sack behind his back and approached the Solomon brothers. The taller one distracted Timmy while the shorter one snuck behind him, clipping the corner of Timmy's egg sack and making quite a big hole. Unfortunately, Timmy failed to notice this. When the whistle blew, Timmy was off. He was surprised to see the Solomon brothers behind him, since he was much faster than they, but he didn't mind. Timmy beat them to every egg, and raced on to the next, never noticing that his sack wasn't getting heavier. As he approached the end of the course, Timmy was elated that he was the first to finish. The Solomon brothers were right behind him. "Maybe next year, loser twins," Timmy chuckled, right before he noticed that his sack was empty.

Making friends isn't easy Making friends isn't easy. Ask Juan Guerrero, who moved to New High School High three months ago but still eats lunch by himself. Nobody picks on him really, but they pretty much ignore him completely, at least since the incident. You see, Juan had his chance. We almost adopted him into our crew, the skaters, after Juan said he could skate. "Oh yeah?" asked my boy Romeo, "well, where's your board?" Juan replied shakily, "Uh, my mom ran over it with her car, but I do flips and grinds and all that stuff." Romeo didn't believe him. "Why don't you use my board? Show me one of those flips," Romeo challenged. Juan gulped and grabbed the board. "Uh… Ok," he replied. When you see a good skater on TV or in a video game, skateboarding may look easy, but just moving properly, let alone doing any tricks, takes a lot of practice. Because of this, I was not the least bit surprised when Juan landed flat on his can before he even made it across a single sidewalk square. "Wow! What an awesome flip, Tony Hawk. You'll have to teach me that," Romeo sneered. Now Juan eats lunch alone.

"Wow, a sweater. Thanks Bobby," said Janet after opening the present "Wow, a sweater! Thanks Bobby," said Janet after opening the present. Janet thought the sweater was hideous, but she appreciated her boyfriend's effort. But since Janet had seen the sweater before at a store in the mall, she exchanged it for some boots at the first chance she got. A week later, however, Bobby made reservations for two at the fanciest restaurant in town "Janet, I want to take you somewhere special. I have good news to tell you. Wear that sweater that I got you," Bobby told her. Janet didn't know how to react, "Um… that sweater doesn't quite match these boots I want to wear. Is it cool if I just wear it another time?" Bobby huffed, "You know, Janet, this meal is going to be expensive. The least you could do is act like you appreciate my gift." Janet paused to think.

As the holiday season ended, Bertha Berger struggled to put on her blue jeans. They seemed much tighter than usual, so she stepped on the bathroom scale and received the bad news. She had never seen such a high number on the little scale, so she resolved to change. That day she threw out all of the junk food in her fridge and went grocery shopping. She was determined to lose weight, so she bought low-fat and reduced calorie versions of all of her favorite foods. When she got home she had a low-sodium bacon sandwich and a diet soda. For dinner she had two turkey burgers with reduced fat cheese and half-fat mayonnaise, along with two low-calorie ice-cream sandwiches for dessert. Before she went to bed, she ate a bag of baked potato chips, which are healthier than normal chips, and dipped them into low-fat cream cheese. When Bertha woke up the next morning, she was pleased with how well her diet was going, but when she stepped on to the scale, she saw that she had gained a pound.