Managing Work and Your Partner If you have a partner, this relationship is probably one of your most important ones. Our partners are usually the people we spend the most time with outside of work. For this reason, partner relationships are among the most vulnerable to work-life stress. There is an old saying that familiarity breeds contempt… Many people recognize that it is all too easy to take out frustrations on the person we love most. How can we avoid this? How can we balance work and partner relationships? A first step can be to recognize that intimacy is central to being human… we all need it.  

Being close is important Most couples equate happiness with being close… Being close = feeling understood When I say “feeling close”… what comes to mind for you? Some people use different words like connection, intimacy, being understood, cuddling… * Workbook page 2: What does “close” mean to me?   Most of us can agree that intimacy, however we define it, is connected to happiness. Without it, you are not likely to be “happy” or satisfied with your partner relationship. It is important to remember though that intimacy is not the same for everyone. Research has shown that even very young babies need emotional and physical closeness to be psychologically healthy. Adults are the same. One general definition of intimacy = feelings of closeness and being understood.

Being Close While Working Being close takes time and energy Keeping your relationship fresh and alive takes time, energy, and constant thought. These may be in short supply especially when both partners work. This is one reason why dual earner relationships may need some extra attention. *Workbook page 3, Our Biggest Challenges as a Working Couple   Ask your audience to spend a few minutes thinking about the challenges they face in their relationship. They can jot down some thoughts without worrying about sharing with the large group.

Venus and Mars Woman and men may be different in some ways, but both need closeness Well, we all know all the jokes about men and women and their different understandings of the world… and being close. The truth is probably summed up in the bumper sticker that says “Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.”

Closeness Cartoon - “stop watching Oprah” Here’s is an example of one dual-earner couple’s struggle to agree on their needs for closeness.

Finding the Right Mix Partners may show affection differently of desire different amounts of expressions of closeness. Any time anyone gives you a formula for closeness or an easy answer, be suspicious. Partners may show their affection differently or desire different amounts or expressions of closeness. Finding what is right for your particular relationship is key. *Workbook page 3: I’d Rather…   Ask participants stand up and circulate around the room. Try to find one person who prefers each option and put their first name in the blank. Discuss how different we all are. Couples often have differences, too.