Never Let Me Go Essay Revisions Day 1 Note: Book titles are always italicized

Goal Now that you have a rough draft, you can focus on making it the best draft possible. First you will revise your paper on your own, and Monday you will have peer editing, which will give you additional feedback on your writing. Remember: your final draft is due Tuesday, October 30 at 7:05 AM! No exceptions!

Writing

In order to meet expectations you need to… Follow grammar rules Do you capitalize proper nouns (names)? Do you put commas after introductory clauses? Write clearly Do you follow subject/verb agreement? Is there clear pronoun references? Are your sentences easy to follow/understand? Follow basic structure rules Do you have topic sentences that include the device, theme, and the central focus of that paragraph? Do you ICE (Introduce, Cite, Explain) your quotes? Do you use blended sentences when citing evidence? Do you use proper internal citations? (Ishiguro #). → note no commas!

Writing: Grammar Capitalization: Go through your essay; are these things capitalized? Names: of characters (Ruth, Tommy, Kathy, etc.) and of places (Hailsham, Norfolk, the Cottages, etc.) Note: If the author capitalizes it in the story, you need to capitalize it in your writing. Use commas Introductory clauses: Remember grammar notes Combining sentences: before FANBOYS Use colons/semicolons correctly

More on Introductory Clauses

More on FANBOYS

Writing: Write clearly Do you follow subject/verb agreement? See the photo to the side for a guide Are there clear pronoun references? When discussing both Kathy and Ruth, is who she is clear? Are your sentences easy to follow/understand? Are you missing any articles (the, a/an, etc.) or words? Is it clear what you’re trying to say? Read your sentences out loud to check

Writing: Basic structure rules Do you have topic sentences that include the device, theme, and the central focus of that paragraph? What is the focus of your paragraph? The Norfolk trip? Ruth’s behavior as a friend? Set this up for your reader Do you ICE (Introduce, Cite, Explain) your quotes? Do you use blended sentences when citing evidence? Do you use proper internal citations? (Ishiguro #). → note no commas!

Writing: Avoid 1st/2nd person pronouns Formal writing is strongest when it avoids 1st person (we, us, etc.) and 2nd person (you, your, etc.) pronouns. Go through your essay and remove references to these pronouns, and replace them with third person pronouns Ex: “when you feel emotions” → “when a person feels emotions” Ex: “we struggle to understand” → “individuals struggle to understand” Life hack → use “CTRL + F” to seek and find every “you” in your essay (just make sure you don’t replace it if it’s in cited evidence)

Replacing 1st and 2nd Person Pronouns Possible replacement words for 1st and 2nd person pronouns: citizens individuals many children students families few community people one men nation society some women population public humans humanity several

To meet expectations, make sure you have made the previous revisions. STAR revisions will help you to exceed expectations

Analysis

In order to meet expectations you need to… Do you identify and analyze the device from your claim? Highlight your device analysis in yellow Underline when you use the device by name Do you connect the use of this device to your theme? Highlight your theme analysis in green

Do you use the device by name? Analyzing the device Do you use the device by name? Ex: [Character] is characterized as [insert specific trait] Do you clearly connect the device to your evidence? Reference the specific detail in your evidence directly for the strongest analysis Remember: Avoid this shows that! What is this? Specify! Ex: Ruth’s actions, Kathy’s understanding, etc.

Struggling to analyze device? For characterization: [Character] is characterized as ___[character trait] _____ because he/she does/says _____________________________________. Example: Amanda is characterized as an overbearing mother because she repeatedly criticizes Tom for no reason. For conflict: [The specific problem] is a conflict because ____________________. Amanda and Tom’s constant fighting is a conflict because it leads to tension and a negative atmosphere in their home and family. [Character] must overcome ___[problem]____ by doing ____ in order to _______. Laura must overcome her crippling shyness by talking with Jim in order to grow as an individual and assert herself.

Do you specifically connect your identified device to the theme? Analyzing the theme Do you specifically connect your identified device to the theme? Do you explain why this is important? Remember, specifics are important!

Remember! Analysis is the most important part of your essay! If you do not identify your device by name OR specifically explain your theme, you cannot meet expectations In other words, if you don’t do these things, the highest you can score on analysis is 6/10

Reading

In order to meet expectations you need to… Do you have accurate context? Reread the pages around your evidence; are you accurately relating everything? Are you specific? If you have vague context, you will only meet (7/10) expectations. Ex: Ruth and Kathy fight about stuff → Kathy confronts Ruth about the pencil case, and Ruth begins to cry.

If you want to exceed Monday we will peer edit (so you can receive feedback on your writing) and will have opportunities to further revise: Use more complex sentences Use stronger word choices Elaborate further