“Between You and Him Alone” Matthew 18:15-17 Title Slide: “Between You and Him Alone” (Matt.18:15-17) Warning in Jam.3:5. Divine instructions for settling problems. “Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles!” {James 3:5}

How to Handle It When Someone Sins Against You Deal with it privately. If unsuccessful, involve others. Involve the church if the first two steps don’t succeed. How to Handle It When Someone Sins Against You. (Matt.18:15-17) Deal with it privately—first. If unsuccessful, involve others. Choose these witnesses carefully, without prejudice. Just establish the facts and problems. Only involve the church if the first two steps don’t succeed. Only in matters that will result in sin for one or both parties.

Prohibits an Indirect Approach Third parties usually make the problem worse, not better. “He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a dog by the ears.” {Proverbs 26:17} Prohibits an Indirect Approach. (Matt.18:15-17) (1) Third parties usually make the problem worse, not better. (Prov.26:17) The less people involved the better. Problems are must easier to work out when there are fewer opinions about what should be done!

Prohibits an Indirect Approach Negatives become exaggerated when heard out of context. “If a ruler pays attention to lies, all his servants become wicked.” {Proverbs 29:12} Prohibits an Indirect Approach. (Matt.18:15-17) (1) Negatives become exaggerated when heard out of context. (Prov.29:12) If any of the facts of the situation are altered or considered in a different context, it only adds to the problem and makes it more difficult to correct a mistake or misunderstanding. THERE’S NO RIGHT WAY TO DO THE WRONG THING!

Prevent Gossip Gossip is enticing (and hurtful). “The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, and they go down into the inmost body.” {Proverbs 18:8} Prevent Gossip. (Matt.18:15-17) (1) Gossip is enticing (and can be very hurtful). {Prov.18:8} Sadly, it seems that people are tempted to repeat every matter—especially when it places someone else in an unfavorable light. How many times do you hear people say commendable things about others?

Prevent Gossip Failure to take a direct approach provides a forum for gossip and encourages it. “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.” {Proverbs 26:20} Prevent Gossip. (Matt.18:15-17) (1) Provides a forum for gossip and encourages it. {Prov.26:20} Failure to take a direct approach, confronting the other party involved, always open up doors for a small problem to become larger. The more people you tell, the more difficult it becomes to arrive at a resolution. WARNING: Not only is the one gossiping wrong, so is the one who listens! No audience—no gossip can be passed!

Prevent Gossip Negatives (even if they are true) are often better left concealed. “A prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims foolishness.” {Proverbs 12:23} Prevent Gossip. (Matt.1t8:15-17) (1) Negatives, (even if they are true) are often better left concealed.. {Prov.12:23} The only one who needs to know the negative is one who needs to correct it. How is spreading the knowledge of a brother’s fault going to help him correct the behavior. Why are we so quick to advertise other people’s faults and yet so cautious about commending their good works?

Promote Reconciliation We should desire solutions—not audiences! “A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends.” {Proverbs 16:28} Promote Reconciliation. (Matt.18:15-17) We should desire solutions—not audiences! {Prov.16:28} Why do we need an audience to fix a problem between two brethren? The fewer people who know about the problem, the easier it will be to solve it and find a good ending.

Promote Reconciliation We should desire solutions—not audiences! Any solution that avoids bringing the two estranged parties together, face to face, is unscriptural and cannot possibly succeed! “Then you will understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God.” {Proverbs 2:5} Promote Reconciliation. (Matt.18:15-17) We should desire solutions—not audiences! Any solution that avoids bringing the two estranged parties together, face to face, is unscriptural and cannot possibly succeed! {Prov.2:5} A problem cannot be corrected unless both PARTIES KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM!

What to Do If Someone Tells You About Problems With a Third Party Advise them to go to the person instead. If they don’t want to do that… Advise them not to speak of it again. If they continue to bring it up… Tell them you won’t be a party to gossip, and warn them against backbiting and sowing discord among brethren. Proverbs 6:19 What to Do If Someone Tells You About Problems With a Third PARTY… Advise them to go to that person instead. If they don’t want to do that… Advise them not to speak of it again. If they continue to bring it up… Tell them you won’t be a party to gossip, and warn them against backbiting and sowing discord among brethren. (Prov.6:19) Determine that if someone is going to take the wrong course in correcting a problem, you will not make it easy for them by taking part and doing wrong yourself!

What to Do If Someone Tells You About Problems With a Third Party Here’s a novel ideal—ask if they’ve prayed about the matter. Ask if they’ve prayed for wisdom on how to approach the other party. Ask if the person truly loves his brother—the solution will then become crystal clear! James 1:5; 1 John 4:20,21 What to Do If Someone Tells You About Problems With a Third PARTY… Here’s a novel ideal—ask if they’ve prayed about the matter. Ask if they’ve prayed for wisdom on how to approach the other party. Ask if the person truly loves his brother—the solution will then become crystal clear! (Jam.1:5; 1 Jno. 4:20,21)

Practice Self-Control Over Your Tongue “Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles!” {James 3:5} Practice Self-Control Over Your Tongue (Jam.3:5) If we don’t bridle our OWN tongues, we have unprofitable religion (Jam.1:26).

The Lord’s Invitation Why not begin using God’s truths today! “…In an acceptable time I have heard you, And in the day of salvation I have helped you. Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.” (2 Corinthians 6:2) Conclusion and Invitation: