1 CONFLICT RESOLUTION Raising the level of understanding and acceptance regarding zoning issues among residents. 15

2 Trust is the glue of life. Its the most essential ingredient in effective communication. Its the foundational principle that holds all relationships. Stephen Covey Trust is the glue of life. Its the most essential ingredient in effective communication. Its the foundational principle that holds all relationships. Stephen Covey

3 IMPROVING COMMUNICATION THE POWER OF LISTENING 4

4 Dont prepare your answer 5 Stages of Listening: Empathetic Listening Empathetic Listening Attentive Listening Attentive Listening Selective Listening Selective Listening Pretend Listening Pretend Listening Ignoring Ignoring Dont prepare your answer 5 Stages of Listening: Empathetic Listening Empathetic Listening Attentive Listening Attentive Listening Selective Listening Selective Listening Pretend Listening Pretend Listening Ignoring Ignoring

5 Seek to understand before being understood. Stephen Covey Seek to understand before being understood. Stephen Covey 5

6 IMPROVING COMMUNICATION USE POSITIVE BODY LANGUAGE 4

7 POSITIVE BODY LANGUAGE Show interest in what they are saying Maintain eye contact Have a respectful expression on your face. Keep your arms open Be in body alignment with this person Show interest in what they are saying Maintain eye contact Have a respectful expression on your face. Keep your arms open Be in body alignment with this person 5

8 BACK TO BACK Discuss one the greatest achievements of your life (high performance experience). Tell your story in detail. Describe what happened, how it made you feel, etc. 7

9 IMPROVING COMMUNICATION BE AN ACTIVE LISTENER 14

10 ACTIVE LISTENING Be fully present Clarify what they are saying and asking So I hear you saying... PAUSE, BE CALM, MODEL THE BEHAVIOR... Show you understand with non-verbals Acknowledge and affirm - not their actions, but their character. Show understanding. Id like to address your concerns. Is that okay? Educate and answer questions. Ask for buy in. Proceed and repeat. Be fully present Clarify what they are saying and asking So I hear you saying... PAUSE, BE CALM, MODEL THE BEHAVIOR... Show you understand with non-verbals Acknowledge and affirm - not their actions, but their character. Show understanding. Id like to address your concerns. Is that okay? Educate and answer questions. Ask for buy in. Proceed and repeat.

11 ACTIVE LISTENING 1: You feel like you are being singled out, being treated unfairly, and you are very angry. 2: Your job is to exhibit excellent listening skills. Be an active and a focused listener, use good body language, clarify, acknowledge, etc. 1: Your land has been in your family a long time and you are devastated. You are very upset. 2: Your job is to exhibit excellent listening skills. Be an active and a focused listener, use good body language, clarify, acknowledge, etc. 1: You feel like you are being singled out, being treated unfairly, and you are very angry. 2: Your job is to exhibit excellent listening skills. Be an active and a focused listener, use good body language, clarify, acknowledge, etc. 1: Your land has been in your family a long time and you are devastated. You are very upset. 2: Your job is to exhibit excellent listening skills. Be an active and a focused listener, use good body language, clarify, acknowledge, etc. 7

SPEAKING Be clear Use words that encourage communication SPEAKING Be clear Use words that encourage communication IMPROVING COMMUNICATION 11

13 DOLPHINS AND KILLER WHALES 18

14 You must do this... You will do your... In your shoes... I think I understand your viewpoint... You better... If you dont... You ought to... Its your responsibility... Thats a valid point... Let me see if I understand what youre saying... Sounds as though you feel demeaned... You must do this... You will do your... In your shoes... I think I understand your viewpoint... You better... If you dont... You ought to... Its your responsibility... Thats a valid point... Let me see if I understand what youre saying... Sounds as though you feel demeaned... 20

15 IMPROVING COMMUNICATION SPEAKING Use Intentional Language Use I Statements SPEAKING Use Intentional Language Use I Statements 20

16 4 TYPES OF I MESSAGES Declarative: Statements that simply express your needs. I Feel, I Believe, I Like, I need. Responsive: Use these when someone asks something of you, especially when your answer is no. State your answer, plus your reason. I am unable to meet with you on Friday, because I have already scheduled a meeting. Declarative: Statements that simply express your needs. I Feel, I Believe, I Like, I need. Responsive: Use these when someone asks something of you, especially when your answer is no. State your answer, plus your reason. I am unable to meet with you on Friday, because I have already scheduled a meeting. 12

17 4 TYPES OF I MESSAGES Preventive: You want to avoid a problem from occurring or happening again in the future. State your need, plus your reason for it. I really need for you to speak calmly because I am not able to help solve your issues when you are upset. Preventive: You want to avoid a problem from occurring or happening again in the future. State your need, plus your reason for it. I really need for you to speak calmly because I am not able to help solve your issues when you are upset. 13

18 4 TYPES OF I MESSAGES Confrontive: Use this when a problem has occurred (perhaps repeatedly). State your feelings, the behavior you have issue with, how it has impacted you. I hear you and understand this must be difficult. However, I am bothered by the fact that you are raising your voice, because it seems that you are personally blaming me; and, I cant accomplish what you need when emotions are high. Confrontive: Use this when a problem has occurred (perhaps repeatedly). State your feelings, the behavior you have issue with, how it has impacted you. I hear you and understand this must be difficult. However, I am bothered by the fact that you are raising your voice, because it seems that you are personally blaming me; and, I cant accomplish what you need when emotions are high. 14

19 COMMUNICATE Communicate in a positive manner even when there is change (not in your control) or conflict. 9

20 HANDLING CONFLICT IN COMMUNICATION Stop/Breathe/Think Stop/Breathe/Think Acknowledge the conflict Acknowledge the conflict Use active listening skills Use active listening skills Use I Messages Use I Messages Be specific and descriptive Be specific and descriptive Pause and check for understanding Pause and check for understanding Be respectful Be respectful State intentions State intentions Stop/Breathe/Think Stop/Breathe/Think Acknowledge the conflict Acknowledge the conflict Use active listening skills Use active listening skills Use I Messages Use I Messages Be specific and descriptive Be specific and descriptive Pause and check for understanding Pause and check for understanding Be respectful Be respectful State intentions State intentions 11

21 COACHING PROCESS Define the GOAL: What would like to discuss? What is your goal? REALITY: Whats been happening? What have you tried so far? What else? What are the obstacles? Is the goal still realistic? EDUCATE AND PRESENT OPTIONS: I would like to answer your questions and concerns now. Is that okay? Id also like to explain the process and some options? Is that okay. Proceed Challenge and request: Do you understand? Is there anything else I can do for you? What are your next steps? Define the GOAL: What would like to discuss? What is your goal? REALITY: Whats been happening? What have you tried so far? What else? What are the obstacles? Is the goal still realistic? EDUCATE AND PRESENT OPTIONS: I would like to answer your questions and concerns now. Is that okay? Id also like to explain the process and some options? Is that okay. Proceed Challenge and request: Do you understand? Is there anything else I can do for you? What are your next steps? 12

EDUCATION Tell people what they need to know 1,000 different times, 1000 different times. John Maxwell Complete honesty: Over-communicate Use different forms of communication media and outlets. EDUCATION Tell people what they need to know 1,000 different times, 1000 different times. John Maxwell Complete honesty: Over-communicate Use different forms of communication media and outlets. IMPROVING COMMUNICATION 11

23 Presentations: (Tell people what you are going to say, tell them, tell them what you said.) Introduce yourself and your reason for being there Explain the what and the whys. Educate and inform. Who are you, what is your purpose, who do you serve, etc. Include stories, not just facts (personalize it) Include audience interaction Ask the three questions: What worked about this presentation, where did you get stuck, what could we do differently? Presentations: (Tell people what you are going to say, tell them, tell them what you said.) Introduce yourself and your reason for being there Explain the what and the whys. Educate and inform. Who are you, what is your purpose, who do you serve, etc. Include stories, not just facts (personalize it) Include audience interaction Ask the three questions: What worked about this presentation, where did you get stuck, what could we do differently? 32

24 SELF CARE Breathing Breathing Meditation Meditation Visualizations Visualizations Exercise/Food/Sleep Exercise/Food/Sleep Breathing Breathing Meditation Meditation Visualizations Visualizations Exercise/Food/Sleep Exercise/Food/Sleep 42

25 IMPROVING COMMUNICATION USING COACHING LANGUAGE WHAT COACHES DO: Coaches ask powerful, open- ended questions, help you clarify your goals, and provide feedback. Coaches make requests and challenge you to put new skills into practice. Coaches help you find direction, motivate and encourage you, and give you insight and techniques by which you can position yourself for success. THE PROCESS: Ask powerful questions, clarify, articulate, use intuition, reframe, request, challenge SAMPLE QUESTIONS: What do you truly want; Whats next? What are the possibilities of that? Whats holding you back? What are the costs of that? USING COACHING LANGUAGE WHAT COACHES DO: Coaches ask powerful, open- ended questions, help you clarify your goals, and provide feedback. Coaches make requests and challenge you to put new skills into practice. Coaches help you find direction, motivate and encourage you, and give you insight and techniques by which you can position yourself for success. THE PROCESS: Ask powerful questions, clarify, articulate, use intuition, reframe, request, challenge SAMPLE QUESTIONS: What do you truly want; Whats next? What are the possibilities of that? Whats holding you back? What are the costs of that? 37

26 Take turns being coached on a real issue you are experiencing at work.

27 HANDLING THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATION Prepare for the conversation Prepare for the conversation Check your language Check your language Prepare for the conversation Prepare for the conversation Check your language Check your language 44

28 HANDLING THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATION EXPLAIN YOUR GOAL: There is something I want to run by you. OR I have something Id really like your help with. Can we discuss it now? If not, when? EXPLAIN YOUR GOAL: There is something I want to run by you. OR I have something Id really like your help with. Can we discuss it now? If not, when? SHARE YOUR INTENTIONS: Id like to share how this appears to me and I want to understand how it appears to you. If I am accurate, I want to see how we can change things. If I am wrong, Id like for you to help me understand things better. SHARE YOUR INTENTIONS: Id like to share how this appears to me and I want to understand how it appears to you. If I am accurate, I want to see how we can change things. If I am wrong, Id like for you to help me understand things better. EXPLAIN YOUR GOAL: There is something I want to run by you. OR I have something Id really like your help with. Can we discuss it now? If not, when? EXPLAIN YOUR GOAL: There is something I want to run by you. OR I have something Id really like your help with. Can we discuss it now? If not, when? SHARE YOUR INTENTIONS: Id like to share how this appears to me and I want to understand how it appears to you. If I am accurate, I want to see how we can change things. If I am wrong, Id like for you to help me understand things better. SHARE YOUR INTENTIONS: Id like to share how this appears to me and I want to understand how it appears to you. If I am accurate, I want to see how we can change things. If I am wrong, Id like for you to help me understand things better.

29 HANDLING THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATION ASK FOR BUY IN: I am trying to resolve this in the most positive way possible for both of us. ASK FOR BUY IN: I am trying to resolve this in the most positive way possible for both of us. DEMONSTRATE UNDERSTANDING: So what youre saying is... What youre feeling is... Have I understood you correctly? DEMONSTRATE UNDERSTANDING: So what youre saying is... What youre feeling is... Have I understood you correctly? SHARE YOUR REALITY: This is my perception. SHARE YOUR REALITY: This is my perception. SHIFT TO THE COACHING PROCESS SHIFT TO THE COACHING PROCESS ASK FOR BUY IN: I am trying to resolve this in the most positive way possible for both of us. ASK FOR BUY IN: I am trying to resolve this in the most positive way possible for both of us. DEMONSTRATE UNDERSTANDING: So what youre saying is... What youre feeling is... Have I understood you correctly? DEMONSTRATE UNDERSTANDING: So what youre saying is... What youre feeling is... Have I understood you correctly? SHARE YOUR REALITY: This is my perception. SHARE YOUR REALITY: This is my perception. SHIFT TO THE COACHING PROCESS SHIFT TO THE COACHING PROCESS

30 12 T he miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it. Mother Teresa It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters. Mother Teresa