Communication Myth Busters Dr. Julie Hayden, Psy.D.

Create a “Culture of Communication” in your family. End Goal Create a “Culture of Communication” in your family.

Myth #1: Truth = Good Communication They might not be ready to receive it Timing is important Many have used truth to harm others Tip: “Speak the truth in Love” = wisdom

Myth #2: If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all You may need to stand up for what is right What’s the cost for not saying something? Even if something causes conflict, the result may be worth it Authenticity and Intimacy

Myth #3: The Message sent is the Message Received Once you’ve communicated, the job not is done. If you really want something to be heard, one time may not be enough. Any message needs a drum beat and patience. The responsibility of getting your message across is on you.

Tip: How to get your message across Priming Repetition Timing Environment / Mood Personality Know when you are talking to yourself

Myth #4: Words are the best way to communicate Body mannerism, Facial cues, and Behaviors, all communicate loudly

The Four Horsemen of Communication Criticism: attacking the whole person ”you always” ”I feel” when you… Contempt: moral superiority (cynicism, name calling, mockery) Appreciation and Gratefulness Defensiveness: righteous indignation or innocent victimhood Take Responsibility Stonewalling: completely withdrawing Breaks *taken from Gottman Marriage Clinic

Myth #4: If he/she loved me, he/she would already know this. We are different and communicate differently We have different backgrounds that create communication barriers There are no mind readers

Types Communication Passive Aggressive Passive-Aggressive Assertive

A Culture of Communication People can share what their needs and wants freely Not everyone has to accept or do something about the needs and wants Specific times and the environment are set for communicating difficult topics Boundaries and roles are still in tact with good communication The relationship is secure during communication Be Flexible and adjust when needed