ACT IV, Sc. i Can this GET any more complicated???? UGH!!! Get AWAY from me you toad! If I have to consort with you, I’d rather end my life. Can this GET any more complicated???? Okay, Juliet, ready to get hitched? She doesn’t seem too happy about it, what with my looks and all…no matter, soon I shall inherit her wealth. Yeah, I guess…

ACT IV, Sc. i HOLD IT, SISTER!!!!!! I GOT A PLAN!!!!!!! ROMEO BANISHED AND I DISOWNED BY MY FAMILY FOR REFUSING TO EVEN CONSIDER MARRIAGE TO THIS GOLD-BRICKING LOSER! THIS IS IT!!! DEATH TAKE ME NOW!!!! HOLD IT, SISTER!!!!!! I GOT A PLAN!!!!!!!

ACT IV, Sc. i If you’re strong enough to kill yourself, then you’re strong enough to fake it! Go home, put on your “happy” mask, agree to marry Paris, go to bed alone, drink this potion. Your pulse will slow down to undetectable levels, your breathing will barely be noticeable, you will go pale all over, and you won’t even budge, not even your eyes. You’ll stay like this for 42 hours…… I like this already….anything to avoid marrying that weasel who passes himself off as “nice” and honorable…

…and I’m never helping crazy, young people ever again!!! ACT IV, Sc. i Then on your upcoming wedding day to Paris, everyone will discover you dead and then bury you in your family tomb where all your ancestors lie. Meanwhile, I’ll send Friar John to Mantua to seek out Romeo to tell him our plan. When you wake from this coma, you’ll see Romeo and I waiting for you to wake up, then you and Romeo can go live happily ever after in Mantua…… Ah, this is most wonderful news, indeed!!! There is HOPE! For my true love—ANYTHING!!! …and I’m never helping crazy, young people ever again!!!

Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll do whatever you say. I’ll marry Paris. ACT IV, Sc. ii Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll do whatever you say. I’ll marry Paris. AH! That’s more like it! Obedient, submissive, passive and compliant, just like her mother! I’m so happy, I’ll move the wedding day up to tomorrow!

ACT IV, Sc. iii What if this potion doesn’t work? What will I do? Luckily, I put my dagger near me just in case. But what if the Friar intended to poison me with this because he married Romeo and I? He would find himself in really deep if people found out. God, I’m so scared! What if I wake up before Romeo shows up? It’ll be pitch black, there’s no fresh air so I’d suffocate, Tybalt’s corpse is decomposing with all the other rotted skulls and bones, it’ll smell horrid and what if I see ghosts??? I’d rather have this happen than marry Paris. Come what will!!!

Okay, Romeo, here I come! Friar, I hope you know what you’re doing….. ACT IV, Sc. iii Okay, Romeo, here I come! Friar, I hope you know what you’re doing…..

ACT IV, Sc. v My daughter, rue the day!!! Gimme a break, people!!! Why are you crying to begin with? What a crock!!! All you wanted was to further your own designs and interests for her instead of listening to what SHE wanted. And because of it, she’s taken her life. How selfish of you people! C’mon, let’s take her to the Capulet tomb, get this over with. My daughter, rue the day!!! Oh my, this actually might work!!! My daughter!!! now who will preserve my money and the Capulet name??? Oh, my lil’ babe that I nursed!!!