Marriage Rites and Expectations

What is Marriage? Various Definitions from Dictionary.com - a social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc. - the state, condition, or relationship of being married - a relationship in which two people have pledged themselves to each other in the manner of a husband and wife, without legal sanction (ex: trial marriage, homosexual marriage) -any close or intimate association or union

Question # 1 What is each religions idea of why a man and woman should get married?

Overview Views of Marriage Wedding Ceremony Role of Husband Role of Wife Divorce/Remarriage Mixed/Interfaith Marriages

Marriage (Nisu'in) A conjugal union between man and woman that is willed by God (Gen 2:21-24) –Polygamy: one man with many wives –Same-sex marriages prohibited (Lev 18:22) An indissoluble covenant of dutiful love and mutual obligations (Hos 2:21-25) –God likens His covenant with His people to marriage Brings happiness (Prov18:22) –Emphasizes that love grows from marriage

Marriage Union between a man and woman that portrays the divine romance between Christ and the Church (Eph 5:23-32) Main purpose is to portray the divine relationship between Christ and the Church Divorce is considered sin: Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. (Matt 19:6) Homosexuality not allowed (union between a man and man) in most branches; some branches allow (Methodist, Episcopal, etc.) Married should not seek a divorce, but the unmarried should remain that way if possible (1Cor 7:8-9) No direct reference to polygamy

Marriage (nikah) In Arabic, marriage / wedding is nikah, meaning contract There are 2 main purposes to marriage in Islam In Islam, marriage is a spiritual requirement (Sur 13:38) Divorce is permitted up to three times (Sur 2: ) Homosexuality is not allowed (Sur 7:81, 26: )

Wedding Ceremony (Kinyan) Kiddushin (Betrothal Ceremony) –A man would give a bride price to her father (Gen 29:15-20) –Tenaim: Couples parents draw up marriage contract, concerning financial arrangements (JLC: M) –The man and woman accepts each other –Would be sanctified as husband and wife, but not allowed to have relations until day of wedding ceremony (JLC:M) Kinyan (Wedding Ceremony)- Ritual act of acquisition –Happens 1 year after betrothal ceremony (JLC: M) –Ktubah (marriage contract)- husband's property bestowed to his wife in case of his death or their divorce (JLC: M) –Takes place under a chupah (wedding canopy) –Bride is veiled when brought to groom (Gen 24:65) –Bridal week: 7 days of festivities and feasting (Gen 29:27) –Yichid: alone time for the couple so that they may consummate their marriage

Wedding Ceremony Pre-wedding Ceremony: Wedding pictures, wedding party gets dressed and ready, short musical pieces, solos, etc. Wedding Ceremony: Seating of Guests of Honor, Entrance of minister, groom, groomsmen, bridesmaids, flower girl, ring bearer, etc.; Entrance of bride, Opening Prayer, Call to Worship, Pledge, Wedding Vows, Exchanging of Rings, Pronouncement, Holy Communion, Closing Prayer Post-wedding Ceremony: Reception No rules/regulations found in NT; based on modern traditions

Wedding Ceremony The Qur'an does not explicitly give instructions on weddings, these facts are from the ISNA handbook of marriage –The wedding ceremony includes: Mutual agreement between husband and wife The mahr (dowry) The sermon And the walima (wedding banquet)

Role of Husband Master to wife, he is responsible for her well-being (Gen 3:16) –Provides food, clothing, shelter and her conjugal rights Be able to provide all his wives this security and protection (Exod 21:10) Love wife and show her mercy (Hos 2:21)

Role of Husband Head of the household (Eph 5:23) Love his wife as his own body (Eph 5:28) Love his wife as Christ loved the Church (Eph 5:25) Must not divorce his wife (1Cor 7:11) Body belongs not only to him, but to the wife also (1Cor 7:4)

Role of Husband Husbands are to be God conscious and treat their wives with the respect and dignity they deserve because God is watching over them (Sur 4:1) They should be God fearing (Sur 3:102, 33:70) Must be committed to his wife and to provide for the family The groom also expresses qubul

Role of Wife A suitable partner to her husband, his help and support (Tob 8:5-7) –To share his concerns and troubles (Prov 5:18-20) A good/ideal wife is a gift from God to man –She brings happiness and peace to her husband (Sir 26:1-4) –Her true charm is her religious spirit, for she fears the Lord (Prov 30:10-31)

Role of Wife Submit to her husbands (Eph 5:22) Respect and love her husband (Eph 5:33) Body does not belong only to her but also to her husband (1Cor 7:4) Must not separate from her husband (1Cor 7:10)

Role of Wife The wife is to be obedient, pleasant to be around, and when the husband is not around, she is to safeguard herself as well as his belongings (Sur 25:74) Marriage is to be a source of comfort for both husband and wife, so both should make the home environment pleasant (Sur 30:21) During the wedding, the bride expresses ijab, the willing consent to enter into marriage under the terms stated.

Question # 2 Based on the primary readings, how is divorce viewed in each religion?

Divorce and Remarriage Men would divorce out of displeasure with their wives with bill of divorce (Deut 24:1-2) –Men could not divorce women who they had dishonored Wives cannot divorce their husbands Divorce was allowed, but greatly discouraged –It violates the covenant that God had willed (Mal 2:13-16) A divorced woman was allowed to remarry Husband may take pity and take back the wife he had abandoned (Isaiah 54:5) Divorce of foreign/pagan wives was approved (Neh 13:23-30) One of the Hebrew and Arabic fragments of a bill of divorce found among some manuscripts donated to Cambridge University Library

Divorce and Remarriage Jesus commands Christians not to divorce (Mark 10:7-9) Results in the sin of adultery (Mark 10:11-12) Divorce and/or Remarriage allowed only when : –the husband or wife dies (Rom 7:2-3) – unbelieving husband or wife leaves a believing husband or wife (1Cor 7:13-15) –Husband or wife engages in marital unfaithfulness Husband and wife who are separate must be reconciled or remain unmarried (1Cor 7:1-12)

Divorce and Remarriage Man may not divorce a woman during menstruation (Sur 65:1) Man may not ill treat wife to force a divorce for her to return the mahr, unless she has committed adultery (Sur 4:19) Husband cannot take anything back from the wife because he wants to marry a different woman (Sur 4:20-21) During the divorce, the woman must remain in the same house as the man during the waiting period – not permissible for her to move out or for the man to evict her (Sur 65:1, 2:229, 241) –After the waiting period, the man can either return to the woman honorably or separate kindly w/o harsh words or feelings towards each other (Sur 2:231) Woman, if she cannot bear to live with the man, has the right to free herself, but she must return the mahr (Sur 4:19) Man is only allowed to divorce 3 times, but can only do so if the woman is still pure during the marriage

Mixed/Interfaith Marriages Not allowed A violation of the covenant –unbelievers may influence Gods people to take on their own pagan/sinful customs and religion, turning them away from God (Neh 13:23-27)

Mixed/Interfaith Marriages Not justified in the New Testament Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. (2 Cor 6:14) Compared to the relationship between light and darkness If an inter-religious marriage already exists: –Husband may not leave the wife if she is willing to remain married and vice versa –Children of a believer and unbeliever considered holy as long parents remain married (1 Cor 7:14)

Mixed/Interfaith Marriages Women are not allowed to marry an non-Muslim man (Sur 2:221) –Men are the leader of the household, therefore women would be under the authority of an non-Muslim man Men are allowed to marry certain non-Muslim women –They are only allowed to marry Jewish and Christian women –They must be practicing their own religion at the time of marriage, if not, it is considered a sin to marry that woman –Children of the couple are considered Muslim

Summary Judaism –Marriage is a permanent union willed by God, a portrayal of Gods covenant with His people –Betrothal; then Wedding Ceremony that lasted 7 days –Husband must love his wife, provide for her well-being; wife must be obedient and faithful –Adultery is a sin against God; Divorce is very much discouraged but understood as a fact of life; Remarriage is allowed –Mixed/Interfaith Marriage: not allowed, considered sinful Christianity –Marriage is a portrayal of the relationship between Christ and the Church –Wedding ceremony not explained in the Bible; based on traditions –Husband is the head of the household; Wife must be respectful and submit to husband –Divorce not allowed; Remarriage allowed under certain conditions, otherwise results in adultery –Mixed/Interfaith marriages not allowed Islam –Marriage is spiritual requirement and is a contract between husband and wife –Wedding ceremony based on traditions, no instructions given in the Quran –Husband is the leader of the family and is to be God-conscious by respecting the wife; Wife must guard herself and the possessions of the family, must show dignity –Divorce is allowed up to 3 times, Remarriage allowed only if husband and wife are still pure –Mixed/Interfaith are allowed with Christians and Jews, otherwise considered sinful

Open for Discussion After reading the scriptures from the primary readings, which religion's view of marriage best supports your own views and why?