LOVING & LIKING

THEORIES OF LOVE l STYLES OF LOVE (Lee) –Primary Styles Love of Beauty Playful Love Companionate Love

l OTHER STYLES WHICH COMBINE PRIMARY STYLES –Obsessive Love –Realistic Love l IS IT REALLY A LOVE STYLE OR AN IDEAL? –Altruistic Love

TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (Sternberg)

l TRIANGULAR THEORY COMPONENTS: –Intimacy –Passion –Commitment

DISTINGUISHING LIKING AND LOVING l PASSION VS. REWARDS (Berscheid & Walster) l FRIENDSHIP VS. LOVE (Davis & Todd) l LIKE, LOVE, IN LOVE (Lamm & Wiesmann)

CLOSENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS l FEHRS RESEARCH –Trust –Caring –Honesty –Friendship –Respect

l MAXWELLS RESEARCH –Separation Distress –Sharing of Attitudes, Values, Interests –Naturalness –Similarity –Following (Seeking out and spending time with) –Giving and Receiving Help –Communicating About Important Issues

ATTACHMENT STYLES l SECURE l AVOIDANT l ANXIOUS/AMBIVALENT

CONCLUSIONS FROM STUDIES OF LIKING & LOVING l LIKING AND LOVING DIFFER –In Degree - Shared Characteristics Vary In Intensity –In Kind - Have Different Characteristics –Over Time l EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IS USUALLY GREATER FOR LOVE RELATIONSHIPS --ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE PERCEIVED THREATS TO THE RELATIONSHIP

l PASSION & PHYSIOLOGICAL AROUSAL IS A PRIMARY DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTIC OF EARLY ROMANTIC LOVE l LIKING & LOVING SOMETIMES OVERLAP (E.g. Friendship Component of Love) BUT MAY NOT l LONG LASTING ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS LIKELY TO HAVE A STRONG FRIENDSHIP COMPONENT TO THEM

l CHARACTERISTICS OF CLOSENESS ARE MORE LIKELY TO CUT ACROSS MANY TYPES OF LIKING AND LOVING RELATIONSHIPS

COMMUNICATING CLOSENESS l DIFFICULTY NOT SURPRISING –Overlap of features in various types of intimate relationships –Multiplicity of terms used –Potentially ambiguous referents l AMBIGUITY INHERENT IN DIALOGUE ABOUT INTIMACY CAN BE USEFUL OR PROBLEMATIC

l SOMETIMES PEOPLE ASSOCIATE DIFFERENT TYPES OF BEHAVIOR WITH PARTICULAR TYPES OF INTIMACY--E.g., –Husband: I work late because I love you. –Wife: You work late because you dont care about our relationship.

l SOMETIMES PEOPLE AGREE ON THE TYPE OF BEHAVIOR WHICH CHARACTERIZES A CLOSE RELTIONSHIP, BUT THAT BEHAVIOR IS DESTRUCTIVE--E.g., –Husband: You make and serve me a lot of rich food because you love me. –Wife: I agree.