2009 ELO Promising Practices- Proven Strategies Conference Strategies for Success: Discipline with Love and Logic Presented by Cindy Renehan Presented by Cindy Renehan Created by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, MD, Golden, Colorado Created by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, MD, Golden, Coloradowww.loveandlogic.com

The Love and Logic Process – Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows them to live with consequences of their choices.

Clock Buddies Image source: SMART Notebook

Elbow Partners Happy - Happy - Bashful – Bashful – Sleepy – Sleepy – Grumpy - Grumpy -

The Rules of Love & Logic Rule #1: Adults set firm limits in loving ways Adults set firm limits in loving ways without anger, lecture or threats. without anger, lecture or threats. Rule #2: When a child causes a problem, the When a child causes a problem, the adult hands it back in loving ways. adult hands it back in loving ways. Heres how well do it…. 1. Shared control 2. Shared thinking and decision-making 3. Equal shares of consequences with empathy 3. Equal shares of consequences with empathy 4. Maintain the childs self-concept

Shared Control Shared control: Gain control by giving away the control you dont need by using these strategies: Ask questions Ask questions Share control on the adults terms Share control on the adults terms Smile and Whisper Smile and Whisper Use enforceable statements Use enforceable statements Use the broken record technique Use the broken record technique

Shared Thinking and Decision Making Shared thinking and decision-making: Provide opportunities for the child to do the greatest amount of thinking and decision-making. Use thinking words versus fighting words. Use thinking words versus fighting words. Implement a predictable routine. Implement a predictable routine. Allow children to live with the consequences of their decisions. Allow children to live with the consequences of their decisions.

Equal Balance of Consequences and Empathy Equal shares of consequences with empathy: An absence of anger causes a child to think and learn from his or her mistakes. Use the Uh Oh Song Use the Uh Oh Song Lead with an empathetic response Lead with an empathetic response Delay consequences until the child is in the thinking state Delay consequences until the child is in the thinking state

Maintain Self-Concept Increased self-concept leads to improved behavior and improved achievement. Ask questions Ask questions Use Attribution Theory Use Attribution Theory Child makes the decision and lives with the consequences of the decision Child makes the decision and lives with the consequences of the decision Neutralize arguments Neutralize arguments I care enough about you to help you to listen. I care enough about you to help you to listen. I love you too much to argue. I love you too much to argue.

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You cannot make a child do what he or she chooses not to do! The Importance of Shared Control Image source:

The Importance of Shared Control Lack of Control: Lack of Control: Look at you like they dont understand Look at you like they dont understand Move v e r y slowly Move v e r y slowly Say Yes and do the opposite Say Yes and do the opposite Forget what to do Forget what to do Pretend not to hear you Pretend not to hear you Argue, complain, and make the adult angry Argue, complain, and make the adult angry Feeling in Control: Feeling in Control: Demonstrate improved self-control Demonstrate improved self-control Make better decisions Make better decisions Are generally more cooperative Are generally more cooperative

Delivering Empathetic Responses Benefits of delivering consequences with empathy. Benefits of delivering consequences with empathy. Examples of empathetic responses: Examples of empathetic responses: This must really hurt and ________ (Fill in consequences) This must really hurt and ________ (Fill in consequences) This so sad, and ___________. This so sad, and ___________. Oh Im so sorry, and ___________. Oh Im so sorry, and ___________. Keep your empathy simple and repetitive. Keep your empathy simple and repetitive. Try to find a response you already know. Try to find a response you already know. Remember the power of nonverbal communication… the 90% rule! Remember the power of nonverbal communication… the 90% rule!

The Art of Enforceable Statements Ineffective Technique Love & Logic Technique Pick up those toys now. And I mean it! Everyone who picks up toys welcome to join us outside. If you cant remember your pencil, youre just going to have to do without. Feel free to borrow from anyone but me. Quit breaking the rules of the game Those who can follow the rules are welcome to play the game.

Maintaining Authority in the Adult/Child Relationship How to erode authority in the classroom: Common statements that erode teacher authority (Threats) Common statements that erode teacher authority (Threats) Wise teachers never tell kids what to do. Instead, they tell them what they will do. Wise teachers never tell kids what to do. Instead, they tell them what they will do.

Maintaining Authority in the Adult/Child Relationship Statements that maintain authority (Enforceable Statements) Statements that maintain authority (Enforceable Statements) 1. Ill listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine 2. I respect you too much to argue. 3. I take quiet groups to recess. 4. I give directions when I see that youre ready. 5. I feel really sad for students who arent prepared with their materials. 6. I allow students to stay in my group when they arent causing a problem for anybody else. 7. I listen to children with their hands raised.

Skills I Know And Want To Practice Identify three students with whom you will practice your new skills. Identify three students with whom you will practice your new skills. List the students names on the top of the chart. List the students names on the top of the chart. Check off the skill you will practice with each child. Check off the skill you will practice with each child. Remember to be patient with yourself! Your skills will grow as you practice. Remember to be patient with yourself! Your skills will grow as you practice.

Walking In Rhythm Identify 3 new understandings as a result of this session. Identify 3 new understandings as a result of this session. List 2 strategies to address specific repeated or expected behaviors. List 2 strategies to address specific repeated or expected behaviors. Write one question for further discussion. Write one question for further discussion. Be prepared to share your responses as we play Walking In Rhythm! Be prepared to share your responses as we play Walking In Rhythm! Enjoy your newly found skills!!!!! Enjoy your newly found skills!!!!!

Model for children how a well-put-together adults handles him or herself.