LANGUAGES OF LOVE

This talk is about how to help your partner to meet their needs for love and acceptance, for self worth and to belong. languages of love

Dont assume that the way you show love to your partner is the way they feel most loved. You may think, for example, that they appreciate gifts. But they may feel most loved if you spend time with them, or carry out some task they ask you to do. Please keep this in mind in the rest of this presentation. languages of love

This is a useful acronym... languages of love

Accept that whatever your failings, you have many good qualities that need to be recognized and developed. Value each other Affirm and praise each other Share every aspect of your life together Touch to demonstrate your affection * languages of love

= Valuing VALUE yourself and show you value your partner. Acceptance of self is essential for building relationship. I cannot love you if I do not love myself! languages of love

Spend some time looking at your good qualities What I think or feel about myself affects all my other relationships languages of love

But NOT to do so leads to loneliness and feelings of being taken for granted. Its easy to share what is going on inside you when you have good feelings. When you feel bruised or foolish it is not so easy. languages of love

It shows a lack of trust in the goodness of your partner. It shows you judge your partner cannot understand or accept you when you are down. This can lead to taking each other for granted …unless each of you is AWARE of this danger and takes positive steps to avoid it languages of love

These are the times when you most need the love and support of your partner so that you can feel accepted and VALUED Tell your partner how much they mean to you, to your life, to your happiness: how much you VALUE all they do to show their love and concern for you, how much poorer you would find life without them languages of love

As time goes by, you become accustomed to each others ways. You also become more aware of minor irritations… languages of love

The danger is you start concentrating on these minor irritations and negative feelings begin to dominate your attitude to your partner Then you cease to value the other person and the affection they give you hours on the phone… shoes… laundry… always late for appointments… too long at the shops… languages of love

…and make REAL efforts to demonstrate this. So…TELL you partner often how much you love and VALUE them… languages of love

Most people are very aware of their faults, and as a result suffer in various ways from a lack of self-esteem. = Affirmation (and praise) languages of love

But your partner chose to marry you because they saw a lot of good qualities and attributes in you. languages of love

PRAISE is more concerned with TALENTS AND ACHIEVEMENTS e.g. cooking, sport, diy… Its important to help your partner recognise his or her good qualities. You can do this in two ways: by AFFIRMATION and by PRAISE AFFIRMATION means reminding your partner of their GOOD QUALITIES e.g generosity, reliability, courage, patience. languages of love

In company, praise your partner, and let other people know how much you VALUE them languages of love

Its important to bridge the separateness that can so easily happen because of our busy lives. = Sharing We need to make time for each other in small ways to show our desire to be together. languages of love

Make a date in your diary, time for a romantic evening, a theatre trip, a quiet drink or a walk. Have fun together. This builds and cements your relationship. Above all make time EACH DAY to share those thoughts, feelings, and experiences that are of most concern to you at that time, as well as sharing your deepest cares and best moments. languages of love

= Touching We are not talking here about sex – which we will talk about later, but about the normal physical contact that shows you value each other and are special to each other. languages of love

Hugs, kisses, any sign of love demonstrated by physical touching. Some people are not touchy people and some find it difficult to hug or kiss, or to be hugged or kissed. Practice makes perfect. languages of love

Touch is very important to most women...though sometimes they may be wondering what might be coming next!!! Oh no: NOT AGAIN! languages of love

At Mass, kiss at the sign of peace. At a social function SIT CLOSE! When watching the TV or a film – STAY TOGETHER! languages of love

RECOGNISE YOUR GOODNESS Remember: God doesnt make rubbish Sadly we often rubbish ourselves and rubbish others. You are Good and Loveable because God made you and… languages of love God doesnt make rubbish

St. Paul gives some tips on what helps and what hinders growth in relationship. This is a favourite reading with couples for their wedding service. (1 Cor. 13 v 4-7) languages of love

Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; it is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offence, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other peoples sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end. Relationships need to grow, otherwise they wither and die. If we are to develop an intimate relationship it is important to know each others desires. If we are to love each other it is important to know each others wants. languages of love

MARRIED COUPLES SHARING LANGUAGES OF LOVE QUESTIONNAIRE languages of love