Attraction vs. Infatuation Lesson Three Attraction vs. Infatuation

Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False? Complete quiz in your notebook! There is probably only one person meant for you. Breaking up should be done slowly so you do not hurt the other person too much. If you feel the “chemistry” it is probably love. If you find the right person you will be happy. Opposites attract. Happy couples have fewer differences and argue less than unhappy couples. On average, people have one serious romance before they find someone they want to marry. Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce your chances of divorce in the future.

Testing Your Love Smarts –The Answers… There is probably only one person meant for you. FALSE: While you are not attracted to just anyone, you potentially will be attracted to more than one person.

Testing Your Love Smarts –The Answers… 2. Breaking up should be done slowly so you do not hurt the other person too much. FALSE: To go slowly only drags out the pain. It is better to be honest and make a clean break than to give a person false hope. However, this does not mean you have to be cruel.

Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False? 3. If you feel the "chemistry," (i.e., intense attraction), it is probably love. FALSE: Chemistry may get love started. But real love is based on more than just a physical attraction.

Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False? 4. If you find the right person you will be happy. TRUE & FALSE: True that most people feel that a large part of human happiness is about finding someone to love and to make a life with. However, beware the idea that if you find Mr. or Ms. Right all your problems or troubles will vanish is false. Ultimately no one else can “make” you happy. No one can give you an identity, a sense of worth, or a purpose. You have to gain these qualities yourself. Being happy and having good relationships has a lot to do with how developed and healthy you are.

Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False? 5. Opposites attract. TRUE & FALSE: True great relationships are built on common ground— where two people are compatible and share a lot of the same interests, values, and goals. But it is also quite common that personality styles will be different between two people in a relationship. In other words there should be things that you both like and enjoy doing together, and things that you can do as individuals.

Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False? 6. Happy couples have fewer differences and argue less than unhappy couples. FALSE: Research on adult couples show that happy couples fight just as much as unhappy couples. It is how these couples fight that matters. Often happy couples have learned how to handle their differences and conflicts constructively, not destructively. CAUTION : Your romantic relationships should be mostly fun. If there is more fighting, sadness, and problems than fun, take it as a sign that this relationship is not worth continuing.  

Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False? 7. On average people have one serious romance before they find someone they want to marry. FALSE: On average, people have 6-7 romances before marriage.

Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False? 8. Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce your chances of divorce later on. FALSE: Data shows that non-engaged couples who cohabit before marriage actually have higher rates of divorce than those that have never cohabited before marriage.

In your notebook, create a list Ingredients for a Good Relationship. What Makes a Great Relationship ? In your notebook, create a list Ingredients for a Good Relationship. What does it start with? How does it develop into more?

Relationship Pyramid Where do the ingredients that you listed fit in? Mature Love What qualities would you want in a relationship that might last a lifetime? Deepening & Developing Relationship How do you learn about someone’s true character? What words describe a deepening & developing relationship? What qualities are important at this stage? Positive Starters What brings two people together? How can you tell if it is someone you want to develop a relationship with? What lays a basis for the start of a healthy relationship?

Inverted Relationship Pyramid Jealousy, lack of trust. NO COMMITMENT, NO TRUST! Doesn’t Feel Like a Friend Lacking support. Not able to be the real you. Few Common Interests; Time Together Not Much Fun Different interests, values, priorities, and goals. Lack of honesty, not feeling comfortable to share thoughts & feelings. Difficulty talking about important things. Communication Not Great One-Sided Relationship One person may be more invested in the relation ship than the other. SEX Happens early in the relationship, before either person really knows the other. There are no positive starters to build a strong foundation.

Information All Teens Should Know: Most first-time sexual relationships are romantic but short-lived. 8 out of 10 first-time sexual relationships last six months or less. ¼ are one time occurrences. Surveys of sexually active teens reveal that the majority wish they’d waited. More than 7 out of 10 girls and more than 5 out of 10 boys surveyed say this. The Centers for Disease Control collects data on teens every two years on sexual and other behaviors. 47% percent of 15 to 19-year-old teens report they have had sexual intercourse. These are averages and obviously there are significant differences among different teens. More than half of all teens (ages 15-19 years) have NOT had sexual intercourse, and of the half that have, most wish they had waited.  

Information All Teens Should Know: Unfortunately, the half who have not had sexual intercourse sometimes think they are out of it because they believe “everybody’s doing it.” In reality, “everybody is not doing it.” Moreover, some teens—especially boys because of social pressures—lie about having had sex. Even those who brag about how many people they have had sex with often are not having sex at all. We also know from surveys that boys show significant respect—though often unspoken—for girls who resist pressure to have sex and remain virgins. And, girls have respect for guys who are not “players.”

Information All Teens Should Know:  Many teens believe it is okay for a couple to have sex if they feel they are in love. The problem here is that the “feelings” of love may not yet be real love. The “love chemicals” could be surging, it could be more about lust and less about love. Further, one could have an unrealistic concept of what real love really is.

Attraction & Infatuation- The Chemistry Behind It Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.  

The Brain Chemistry of Love Slide 3.21 The Brain Chemistry of Love The Love Chemicals: Oxytocin- linked to happiness and willingness to take risks Serotonin- triggers feelings of happiness Dopamine- natural simulant For weeks or months you get a big shot of the “love chemicals.” Those chemicals make it easy to slide into risky or poor relationship choices.

The Brain Chemistry of Love The part of the brain that is stimulated during these intense feelings is the same part of the brain that is stimulated when taking drugs. You are “high on love!” People can become addicted to these feelings. Patients in recovery programs are advised to what at least 1 year before entering into a romantic relationship.

It’s a lot like seeing a puppy. It looks so adorable and sweet.

But in reality you don’t know this puppy…. If you get too close, you may get hurt.

You cannot think about anyone or anything else. Is it LOVE or is it … I N F A T U A T I O N? The heart becomes FAT and overwhelmed with emotions and intense feelings. You cannot think about anyone or anything else. Tip: Enjoy the great feelings….but remember you won’t see clearly until those chemicals settle down a bit. Make the focus be on getting to know the person, having fun. Go slow—go smart!

Infatuation vs. Love Table Activity Love cards are one color, infatuation cards are another. Each card has a match that deals with the same topic or theme. Working with your tablemates, read your cards and pair them together. When you have your matches all paired raise your hand and I will come by and check them!