No matter what, the husband is commanded to love his wife. This is a command given exclusively to the husband. In Titus where wives are to love their husbands, the term is not agape but phileo = a responsive love. Darken the screen and tell this story: A rare thing happened, a husband went for maritial counseling. While there he complained, “I can’t love my wife anymore.” “Why not?” asked the counselor. “She’s no longer the woman I married. She’s more against me than for me. She’s been running all over town slandering my name, abusing our credit card, and just yesterday she told me that she hates me more than Satan hates God.” “Wow,” said the counselor, “I guess there’s only one thing left for you to do.” “Yes,” said the husband, “I hate to but I guess I’ll have to divorce her.” “No, no. There’s only one thing left for you to do. You must now choose love your enemy.” At the end of this story click in the concluding statement in white.

Matthew 5:44 44 “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use and persecute you.”

This is when he is most like God. The supreme responsibility of the husband is to love his wife. A husband is most like God when he loves his wife, because, not only does God love; God is love. In marriage the Bible focuses much more on the husband loving his wife than the wife loving her husband.

Ephesians 5:25, 28 5.2 Let us read together: 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5:29, 33 Let us read together: 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the Church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

What does it mean to love? Let us read together: Colossians 3:19 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. What does it mean to love?

a powerful analogy Ephesians 5:25, 28 Let us revisit Ephesians: If we were as selfless toward our wives as we are selfish for ourselves we would have fewer divorces. Ephesians 5:25, 28 a powerful analogy 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife as he loves himself. limitless “as he” is added by context. “limitless” = Christ sacrificed all. He made the church more important than Himself. The husband should do the same with reference to his wife. “indulgent” = Husbands love their bodies feeding, toning, exercising and flaunting it. Do the same for the wife. “insatiable” = When you think you have loved sufficiently remind yourself you have just begun to love. indulgent insatiable

What does it mean to love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. Read the passage then ask the wives to share the item from the biblical list which best represents their husband and how it is true. Then ask which one their husband has done the worst at fulfilling. Interrupt the process so that no wife tells on her husband, and then share where I had failed Mary the most. Click in the red text.

Love that is Unconditional 5.3 Love that is Unconditional God loves the unlovable and undeserving. 16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16 The term agape is used here of God’s love for us, and is the imperative verb used in Ephesians and Colossians for husbands to love their wives.

Daily Walk Bible, Walk Thru the Bible It is NOT an “if” love. I love you if you please me…if you don’t hurt me…if you measure up to my expectations. It IS a “constant” love. I love you, period. No conditions, no “fine print,” no time table. It is the same kind of love God commands that we have for an enemy. (You don’t have to “like” what your enemy does, but we are committed to their welfare at all times. If our love is unconditional, we can not treat them disrespectfully, unkindly, nor do anything that isn’t for the express purpose of their good.) Daily Walk Bible, Walk Thru the Bible How do we husbands know when we are loving our wives properly, biblically? It’s when we love them unconditionally. What does that mean? It is NOT a “because” love. I love you because you are beautiful…because you are talented…because you make me feel special. It is NOT a “when” love. I love you when you are good…when you are faithful…when you are obedient.

Love that is Sacrificial To be genuine love must cost me something. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. John 15:13 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 We know that God loves us because He sacrificed for us. Same with a husband, so let me ask, “Gentlemen, when was the last time you sacrificed something for your wife, what did it cost you, and if I ask your wife would she agree it was a sacrifice. The truth is very few husbands sacrifice for their wives. I once asked my students, “How do you know your parents love you? They sacrifice for you by working to feed you, clothe you, house you, and raise without a comparable return from you.

A successful marriage requires falling in love again and again and again with the same woman, with no hints of disloyalty. Love that is Loyal 24 No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. Matthew 6:24 One groom-to-be said to the premarital counselor that right after the honeymoon he wanted to have all his former girlfriends over to their apartment for a party. The counselor turned to his fiancee; “What do you think about that?” She dropped her head and began to cry.

5.3

1. Love your wife because God commands you to _______. AGAPE A. Present tense – I am to love _______________. CONTINUALLY After “agape” stress that this means unconditional love. Not here and there – all the time…

1. Love your wife because God commands you to _______. AGAPE A. Present tense – I am to love _______________. CONTINUALLY B. Active voice – I am to love ___________. ACTIVELY

One must get intentional. True love is WORK! One must get intentional.

1. Love your wife because God commands you to _______. AGAPE A. Present tense – I am to love _______________. CONTINUALLY B. Active voice – I am to love ___________. ACTIVELY C. Imperative mood – I am to love by my ________. CHOICE

Choose to make love emerge. A couple about to be married were out for an evening stroll. The bride turned to her finacee saying, “In a couple of days we’ll be married and we don’t know where the road of marriage will take us.” You’re right,” said her husband-to-be, “in a few days we will be married and we don’t know where the road of marriage will take us, but - - - let’s go there together!”

2. Love your wife as Christ “loved the church” and give yourself ________________. SACRIFICIALLY

Exploding the Myths That Could Destroy America, Erwin Lutzer The husband is responsible for putting (his wife’s) needs above his own. In practical terms this means if there is enough money for only one suit of clothes, his wife should be preferred. If his job requires that he be separated from his family more often than his wife can tolerate, he should trust God for a different vocation. His goal should not be to make himself successful but rather to make his wife satisfied. Optional slide.

2. Love your wife as Christ “loved the church” and give yourself ________________. SACRIFICIALLY A. Sacrifice means to give up something I ______ for something she ________. WANT An old friend, a barber, asked another old friend why he wore a tuft of hair over his ears. “O, when I was courting my wife, Matilda, she didn’t like the way my ears stuck out. So, I let that little bit of hair cover up what she doesn’t like.” “But that was over 50 years ago, Charlie; way back when you were courting her.” “That’s right,” responded Charlie, “and I still am.” WANTS

2. Love your wife as Christ “loved the church” and give yourself ________________. SACRIFICIALLY A. Sacrifice means to give up something I ______ for something she ________. WANT WANTS B. Christ loved His church enough to make the ultimate ____________. SACRIFICE SACRIFICE

Husbands, what was the last sacrifice you made for your wife; what was it and if I asked her would your wife agree it was a sacrifice? Married to a sports fanatic 17 years who attended all games no matter what the sport, a frustrated wife exclaimed, “Frank, you’d miss my funeral to attend some game some place.” “Roberta, what makes you think I’d schedule your funeral on the day of a game!”

3. Love your wife and do not become ________ toward her. BITTER

A husband loves his wife not for who she is, but for who he is. This special warning concerns a foul blot in married life, when the husband as head . . . either shows bitterness in word or deed, or in tone, to the wife . . . Or treats her with indifference, neglect, or harshness. Karl Braune

3. Love your wife and do not become ________ toward her. BITTER A. Bitter means to be sharp, cutting, _______. HARSH B. Never an unkind tone of voice, but always _________. TENDER So often Mary has said, “Jim, it’s not what you say. It’s how you say it.” Several years ago I made a vow to myself that I would never again raise my voice to my wife. C. Never a harsh or demeaning manner, but always _________. GENTLE D. Never tearing down, but always ______________. BUILDING-UP

What’s the most common excuse for a divorce? God says, ‘There was a time you chose to love her. Then you chose not to, now you can choose to love her again.’ Colossians 3:19 This verse shows how to know when you are NOT loving your wife. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. The most common reason for a divorce is, “We don’t love each other any more.” In all the Scriptures about a husband loving his wife, this is the only NEGATIVE command.

3. Love your wife and do not become ________ toward her. BITTER E. Never controlling, but always _______________. EMPOWERING So often Mary has said, “Jim, it’s not what you say. It’s how you say it.” Several years ago I made a vow to myself that I would never again raise my voice to my wife.

Does your wife have have your support for hobbies and outside activities as avidly as you pursue them?

4. Love your wife and purposefully “nourish and _________” her. CHERISH A. Nourish means to provide what is necessary for __________. GROWTH B. Cherish means to treasure and treat with ______________. TENDERNESS

“I am convinced that nine out of Paul Tournier “I am convinced that nine out of ten persons seeing a psychiatrist do not need one. They need somebody who will love them with God’s love, and they will get well.”

The seminar’s best quote.

5. Love your wife fervently and never allow your love to grow _______. COLD Agape Love includes both our actions and _____________. B. Agape Love chooses to care deeply and lavish AFFECTION. C. Agape Love never fails and guards against unforgiveness and APATHY.

Ephesians 5:28-29 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the Church.

1. Stop whatever you do that disappoints, frustrates, or angers your wife. 2. Repeat the “first works” of your early courtship.

3. Demonstrate your love so your wife actually feels loved. 4. Receive God’s love today by believing in the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Savior. (John 1:12; 3:16)

John 3:16 16 For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Romans 5:8 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

John 1:12 12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 4 Love is patient and is kind; love does not envy; does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.