What are things people do to attract others?

History of relationships research Early computer dating studies People say physical attractiveness isnt that important, but studies show its a major factor in attraction.

Predictors of attraction (target) Physical attractiveness (similar across cultures) Females: large lips, high cheekbones, big eyes, small nose Men: strong jaw, big eyes, large smile Facial symmetry

Averaged faces are more symmetrical age age Similarity to early hard to get researchwe like those that are hard for others to get, but easy for us to get!

And it doesnt just matter for romantic relationships Physically attractive children are punished less Physically attractive defendants get lighter sentences Plain people make 5-10% less than average-looking people, who make about 4% less than very physically attractive people (controlling for gender, education, occupation, etc.) Strong consensus across cultures Why?

What is beautiful is good stereotype Physically attractive seen as more SociableExtraverted HappyPopular FriendlyMature Sexually warmLikeable Well-adjustedPoised In US/Canada, also strong, assertive, and dominant In S. Korea, also sensitive, honest, empathic, trustworthy, generous

Other factors that increase attraction Waist-to-hip ratio of.7 for women,.1 for men Similarity Familiarity (mere exposure and propinquity) Misattribution of arousal Scent and fertility

Fertility effects on women Women prefer the smell of symmetrical and genetically dissimilar men when they are ovulating (and similar men otherwise) Women dress more fashionably They buy sexier clothing They make more money if they use attractiveness to make money They are attracted to more masculine men (e.g., strong jaw, deep voice, tall) They flirt more

Fertility effects on men When a mans partner is ovulating, he is More attentive More jealous Sees other men as more of a threat

American humor? ome/2012/12/1/t-rex-did-not-evolve-for- romance.html ome/2012/12/1/t-rex-did-not-evolve-for- romance.html

Evolutionary arguments for these effects Parental investment model For women, good genes and status should be important in a man For men, good genes, age, and fertility cues (e.g., waist-to-hip ratio) should be important Cultural/situational effects as well (in most cultures men have more resources and are the approachers in relationships

Come back to list Which of these are supported by research?

Jealousy effects Imagine your partner having sex with someone else. Imagine your partner sharing his/her deepest secrets with someone else. Which would bother you more?

Menmore sexual jealousy Womenmore emotional jealousy But: Does one imply the other? Are men just more affected by thinking about sex? Or are men just more avoidant? Hard to test in the real world

What is love? What does your group think? Cultural and time differences in our conceptions of romantic love Love (for North Americans at least) is like chocolate or cocaine: it activates the dopamine-rich pleasure centers of the brain

Passionate vs. companionate love Passionate: intense longing with arousal. I would feel deep despair if X left me. My thoughts are often on X. I would rather be with X than anyone else. X always seems to be on my mind. Companionate love: intimacy and affection. I have confidence in the stability of my relationship with X. I am committed to X. I expect my love for X to last the rest of my life.

Secure I find it relatively easy to get close to others an am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I dont often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close.

Avoidant I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others. I feel it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets close and often romantic partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.

Anxious I fin that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesnt really love me or wont stay with me. I want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.

Attachment theory (Bowlby, Hazen & Shaver) Our experiences with parents and later partners can affect how we view relationships

Avoidance: Amount of trust in other people; High avoidance believes that others cant be counted on, less likely to believe in romantic love, etc. Anxious: Fear that others will reject them Attachment styles can change Affect how we act in relationships, not necessarily whether we stay together

Predictors of relationship success Make a list

Investment Model (Rusbult) Commitment (whether you stay in a relationship) is predicted by Satisfaction Rewards – costs What you expect in a relationship Alternatives Investments

Investment model Predicts 50-90% of commitment in relationships of all types (dating, marriage, domestic abuse, homosexual, jobs) Predicts willingness to accommodate Predicts when people will derogate alternatives

How to have a good relationship Surprise as important (Berscheid, 1983) Novel, exciting activities (Aron) Positive attributions Assume they love you and make them feel loved (Murray) Remember the positive Think youre better than other couples Be accurate but positive (Fletcher) Others from the readings

Breakups Who falls in love first? Who says it first? Who does hearing it make happiest? Who falls out of love faster? Who initiates more breaksups? Who is more interested in staying friends?

Gottman research NcLIH0 NcLIH0 4 horsemen of the apocalypse Contempt Stonewalling Defensiveness Criticism fTAKtDB8fY fTAKtDB8fY

How interconnected are we? Six degrees of Kevin Bacon It also only takes about 6-7 steps to get to another person in the same country by mail Or to anyone among the millions of people on the internet ( study and Microsoft messenger project)

So can the internet help you find love? By 2005, 37% of single people who used the internet used it to date online (higher today) By , more relationships began online than any other method other than meeting through friends

Does it make for better relationships? Not necessarily. No evidence that match algorithms actually help ing for too long before meeting can be bad for the relationshipyou cant find out some important things online When people have more choices, they tend to make worse decisions People are often deceptive (height, weight, age) Pictures are often misleading (32% in one study, though they didnt realize it)

More deceptive ads Use fewer I and me Use more negative phrases (e.g., not judgmental instead of open-minded) Use fewer words overall

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Friends with benefits ome/2012/3/2/are-you-a-booty-call-or-a- friend-with-benefits.html ome/2012/3/2/are-you-a-booty-call-or-a- friend-with-benefits.html