‘It’s our game, not yours’ Promoting Positive Parental/Spectator Behaviour This is part of a toolkit developed by CPSU in conjunction with sports organisations. The toolkit is designed to support sports bodies in promoting positive parental behaviour. This template presentation is designed to be amended, expanded, re-ordered or branded as required by the organisation. It may be used as the basis of a workshop, or within a presentation or meeting (eg children and parents induction event; management meeting; coaches meeting; Welfare Officers update). The presentation should be used by those with an understanding of safeguarding, a commitment to children’s rights, and a grasp of the particular issues raised by poor parental behaviour. Facilitators should identify and prepare sport or organisation-specific cases and examples to be used. Content and exercises are optional. The My Magic Sport Kit film can be used to enhance and focus many of the points in the presentation. Facilitators will decide where the film should be used within the event.

Aims: to identify the benefits of parents’ involvement in sport to identify the nature and extent of the problem of poor parental behaviour to consider the impact of poor behaviour, especially on young people to identify how to avoid, reduce or deal with incidents. Overall aims may be amended as appropriate to the type of event, sports context and audience. The term Parent is used to mean parents or carers of children or young people participating in sport..

“We just want to have fun, learn new skills and make new friends...”

Parents play a vital role in encouraging, enabling, and supporting children’s participation in their chosen sport - at every level and in every sport

(Optional) Exercise: Identify ways parents can: support, encourage and motivate children and young people who participate in sport make positive contributions to sports clubs This exercise may be undertaken in pairs, small groups or by the whole group. When taking feedback include ‘real’ examples relevant to the sport, club or organisation.

1 Positive Parents may: share their enthusiasm for participation in sport encourage their child/ren to take up, enjoy and achieve in their sport provide transport, equipment, or finances support in a positive and fair way promote respect for the sport’s rules, officials, their child’s team-mates and opponents

2 Positive Parents may: model and reinforce positive attitudes help out with club activities become coaches or volunteers act as welfare officers or committee members contribute to fundraising initiatives support their child/the team at matches provide refreshments or transport

However many sports are also struggling to address the challenges presented by a minority of parents whose behaviour has a negative impact on their own and other children, and other people involved in the club.

(Optional) Exercise Identify Different examples of negative parental/spectator behaviour at all levels in sport This exercise may be undertaken in pairs, small groups or by the whole group. When taking feedback refer to ‘real’ (anonymised) examples relevant to the sport, club or organisation. The generic scenarios and examples can also be used to bring feedback to life.

1 Negative Parental/Spectator Behaviour Abusive parents verbal aggression towards own child, officials, other children/supporters/coaches teasing/mocking of young people threats and fights with other adults and/or young people intimidation of officials – including young officials some behaviours constitute criminal offences and/or child abuse

“My friend decided he didn't want to play any more, not after his dad was asked to leave the match. It must have been so embarrassing for him”.

2 Negative Parental/Spectator Behaviour Challenging parents contradict coaches’ advice/instructions constant criticism of own/other children ‘Win at all costs’ mentality encourage rule-breaking challenge club re selection, training, sanctions or ethos

“Winning at all costs – is that our dream or yours?”

3 Negative Parental/Spectator Behaviour Pushy Parents unreasonable/unrealistic expectations of their child only acknowledge winning, not child’s effort, progress or enjoyment live through their child’s activities Impose their aspirations on their child do not accept club sanctions for poor behaviour accept poor coaching practice for results The motivation of some parents displaying these behaviours may not be negative. They may be unaware of the impact or implications of their actions or how they are received and perceived. Never the less these behaviours are damaging – particularly to their child and to other children.

“My mum was always supportive of me in my training but when it came to competitions she always compared me to everyone else, even when I'd done better than ever before. Unless I won it wasn't good enough.”

What do children tell us…..? Video: The Magic Sports Kit

(Optional) Exercise Identify the ways that poor parental/spectator behaviour impact on children and young people If shown after the video this exercise emphasises messages from young people featured. Working in pairs, small groups or the whole group encourage participants to imagine these experiences through the eyes of their child or children generally. Link to experiences they may have had in sport as young people.

The impact of poor parental/spectator behaviour on children and young people Fear Demotivation Anxiety Confusion about tactics/team role Loss of fun and enjoyment Lack of confidence Worry about how parent will behave This is what children and young people consistently tell us.

The impact of poor parental/spectator behaviour on children and young people Distraction from playing sport Embarrassment Undermined authority (young officials) Sanctions imposed by club Being asked to leave the team or club Leaving the sport altogether It isn’t possible to concentrate on, succeed in,or enjoy sport if a young person is experiencing these feelings.

Officials (including young officials) Other parents/supporters (Optional) Exercise Consider the potential impact of poor parental/spectator behaviour on the following: The sport Clubs Coaches Officials (including young officials) Other parents/supporters

Wider impact of poor parental/spectator behaviour Negative image of the sport Poor reputation for club – puts off potential players Additional stress for coaches/officials Fear of, or actual, assaults Officials (particularly young officials) may leave the sport Parents and players may move to other clubs Club faces investigations and sanctions

Sideline Bad Behaviour: Research Children 1st (Scotland) survey in 2012 Studied impact on children and young people u12 to 16+ Involved 154 children and 340 parents 34 sports covered Outcomes supported earlier studies

Key findings: Children & young people Almost half (43%) had experienced this behaviour Half (47%) had witnessed behaviour towards another child Swearing/name-calling most common All felt threatened Physical abuse included pushing, kicking, hitting & spitting (included under 12s) 20% experience negatively affected their performance or made them want to quit For half it continued after sports activity ended

Key findings: Parents & carers Half said their child had mentioned spectator behaviour 43% parents had witnessed bad behaviour Commonly swearing at children, name-calling and making fun of them 68% reported that someone challenged the behaviour A quarter would not know what to do

Scenarios Consider the example scenarios (appropriate to the sport, club or audience) 1. How/by whom should this situation be managed and responded to? What policies and processes will apply? 2. What steps could have been taken (at club, county, region or sport governing body levels) to reduce the likelihood of this situation arising Where possible use sport or context-specific examples that will resonate with the audience..

(Optional) Exercise Identify practical steps that clubs and sports organisations can (or do) take to prevent, reduce and manage poor parental behaviour.

Practical steps to address the problem Adopt a whole club/sport/organisation approach, supported by management Arrangements need to be in place to clarify, publicise and promote expectations of side-line behaviour: eg Code of Conduct introductory packs and/or parent/participants meetings registration forms posters or leaflets use of websites of club notice boards

Practical steps to address the problem Widely publicised procedures to encourage reporting and responding to alleged poor behaviour in a fair and transparent way Recording systems to capture, monitor and map developing concerns Support to individuals (adults or young people) raising concerns

Practical steps to address the problem Reporting to/support from sports governing body to club A range of clear sanctions for poor behaviour Increased monitoring, support and ‘policing’ of individuals or groups identified as representing a problem Wherever possible, actions taken should not impact on the ability of a young person to continue to participate

Reporting concerns Concerns about the behaviour of parents or spectators should be reported to: XXX Club details XXX NGB details Include relevant contact details (telephone, email, website).

Next steps: (Optional) Exercises Identify the core elements of a parent/spectator code of conduct? or Describe how young people could be involved in the process of developing a code of conduct What do you/your club/sport need to do next?

Young people tell us they want….. their voices to be heard a focus on enjoyment rather than winning parents and coaches to have clear roles and behaviour guidelines there to be mutually agreed expectations and aspirations celebration of their successes - wider than simply winning (eg learning a new skill, playing well, trying hard)

Remember: ‘It’s our game not yours’