Funerals

What to know before going to the funeral.

Funerals are for the living! People don’t travel to see the deceased They come to show they care They come to comfort the family They come to see family and friends They come to be “part of the show” To see “the show” Even though they will hate “the show”

How to dress Come dressed in your “better” clothes Remember people cannot hide poverty Shorts are NOT appropriate Black is the usual attire

Be Yourself Your behavior should be natural But coupled with good sense Don’t “pretend” sadness for the deceased Saying things like below could be hurtful: They are now in a better place They aren’t hurting anymore

Family The family usually is together Most will stand in a line So you can “meet” with them before the service So you can “meet” with them after the service Please be respectful of their needs Are usually in various states of grief

Stages of Grief Denial or Numbness – not believe it Emotional Release - crying Anger – feelings of powerless, lash out Bargaining – promises to change Depression – isolation, alienation, hopelessness Remorse – what could have done Acceptance – facing reality Hope – remembering is less painful, can look ahead

An easier way to understand the grieving process:

Actions of attendees Somber behavior Keep jokes to a minimum Keep mouth closed Keep your chin down Keep jokes to a minimum Can be a natural escape mechanism for some Crying – Be prepared with tissues with other items gum hard candy

More Actions Support Concern for the family is natural Be sure to show concern with Service Symbol of concern Flowers Card If you genuinely care – go a week or more after the funeral to provide some symbol of service

Do’s and Don’ts Don’t avoid the bereaved Don’t offer an embrace unless it is wanted Allow others to grieve in their own ways Keep jokes outside Don’t “run the chapel down” while you’re there – belittle the building Wait until you get home to belittle anyone

What usually occurs during the funeral.

The Wake This is usually before the funeral service Might be the night before You don’t have to stay an inordinate amount of time Might be open casket or closed casket or the deceased may have been cremated If you wish to go to the casket You may touch the deceased You may leave something, but don’t take anything It is appropriate to offer a prayer at the casket

The Funeral Is the actual service It could be at a church, funeral home, or at the cemetery. Please be respectful of religions

The eulogy Usually given by family or friends or both A spoken or written laudation (praise) of a person’s life or character. Usually given by family or friends or both Displays of the person’s life Reciting of accomplishments Memories of the person’s life

Going to the Cemetery The family usually rides in the “limo” Friends and family members follow the hearse Be sure to turn on headlights Signs and signals Only the first must obey All the rest follow along – like tied together with a “string”

At the Cemetery Park vehicle along “roads” Go to the grave site immediately Don’t stand on tombstones After service it is appropriate to visit other gravesites

The meal after the service The family usually eats first Wait for prayer to be said Don’t plan on this being your only meal Try to keep conversations light Again you don’t have to stay a long time

Above all else: Be Respectful!