Key #6 : Motivation- Punishments & Rewards Parents Must Motivate Child to Obey Principles of Rewards and Punishments are Useful and Scriptural Corporal Punishment for disobedience

Rewards as a Form of Control Rewards for Our Service are Part of Life God Rewards People for Service Hebrews 11:6 “rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” Bible Example of Parental Rewards- Luke 15:20-24

Other Useful Methods of Control Acceptable Substitutes- God does not just Forbid Sin, but tells us GOOD we should replace it with. Ephesians 4:22-32 – “put off the old man” “put on the new man” Withholding Privileges- Most effective if connection between punishment and “crime” is fairly obvious

Other Useful Methods of Control Apology- Matthew 5:23,24; Luke 17:3,4 Natural Consequences- Some acts naturally lead to unpleasant consequences Luke 15:14-17 – Prodigal son suffered consequences of doing wrong – reached bottom – nobody bailed him out! “Came to himself” and repented

Other Useful Methods of Control Natural Consequences- IF they make a foolish debt, make them pay it off IF they misbehave at school, don’t take their part against the teacher or school authorities – let them punish them IF they misbehave toward a neighbor, make them face the neighbor and make restitution

Other Useful Methods of Control Natural Consequences- IF they break a law and the judge fines them, make them work to pay the fine “Bailing out” children when they get in trouble does not allow them to learn to be responsible and to avoid such foolish conduct Don’t protect them from the natural consequences.

Other Useful Methods of Control Logical Consequences- Punishment that is logically associated with the wrong deed. Accident does not call for spanking Misbehaves with toy, put it away for a specified time Mistreats other family members, isolate from family for a time Squabble with other children, separate from each other

Other Useful Methods of Control Divine Corrections For Sin- Use God’s Word to instruct & rebuke – 2 Timothy 3:16,17 Show where wrong & warn of eternal consequences of such conduct Make Clear you are acting for the child’s good Show them this is God’s Will & they Must Obey God

Other Useful Methods of Control Divine Corrections For Sin- Cooperate with Other Christians & the Church when they rebuke them Galatians 6:1 - Do not become defensive & try to protect them 2 Thessalonians 3:6,14,15 IF child is a Christian & the church exercises discipline we must cooperate (Deuteronomy 21:18-21; 13:6-11; Zechariah 13:3)

Other Useful Methods of Control Divine Corrections For Sin- If we defend them in opposition to those who Scripturally reprove them, we become a partaker of their evil deeds – 2 John 10,11 Pray for them to do Right- James 5:16 If they are Christians, disobedience to you is sin against God – Acts 8:22; Matthew 6:12; 21:28-32; 2Corinthians 7:10; 1John 1:8-10

Guidelines for Using Rewards & Punishment Never Inflict Lasting Damage to a Child – not an act of love – Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21 Control Children by Prompt Action, not just by words “This is the last time I’m going to tell you that this is the last time I’m going to tell you!”

Guidelines for Using Rewards & Punishment Getting loud or long lectures is a mistake They learn to gauge how loud, how angry, how long you threaten & scold before you do anything –push to the limit! Verbal barrage often results in a return barrage – everyone becomes angry, frustrated & upset Proverbs 13:24; Hebrews 12:5-11

Guidelines for Using Rewards & Punishment Use Action to Motivate Talk plainly make sure they understand what is expected IF old enough, explain our reasons If they disobey, explain a second time to sure they understand IF they understand what we want & do not want to obey – time for actions, not words

Guidelines for Using Rewards & Punishment Discipline “promptly” won’t have to argue with them They will know that you back up your words with action Disciplining “promptly” means disciplining less, eventually You have a much more peaceful home Arguing begets Arguing – Action begets Action

Guidelines for Using Rewards & Punishment Always Control Yourself When Disciplining Ephesians 4:26 – “angry & sin not” How? Take action early Obtain action from child by taking action yourself Don’t keep postponing the action Warn calmly – not obey, punish

Guidelines for Using Rewards & Punishment Measure Effectiveness of your methods by Child’s Obedience Ephesians 6:1 “Children obey your parents” Don’t judge by crying, fussing or fits thrown. Some crying a form of rebellion, protest or expression of anger Determine the methods you use by what WORKS

Guidelines for Using Rewards & Punishment Do Not Automatically Resort to Spanking Learn what works best with each child under various circumstances Use what produces the desired obedience Never let the child win a battle of wills- It is a principle of Authority for Everyone’s Good

Guidelines for Using Rewards & Punishment Consider Reasons Why Child Acts as They Do Ephesians 6:4 - Do not Provoke to anger When a child is rebellious, self- willed, stubborn & does not want to do what you want them to do, they must be punished to motivate them to obey

Guidelines for Using Rewards & Punishment How can we determine a Child’s Motives? Put yourself in the child’s place – Matthew 7:12 Consider how they would act if they WANTED to do a thing IF they are capable of understanding, remembering & accomplishing what you ask of them, your job is to give them sufficient reason to want to!

Guidelines for Using Rewards & Punishment Generally Children Should Be Disciplined in Private Call child to you & inform them privately what you want them to do IF firmer measures are needed, find private room. Discipline as you would at home IF old enough to understand, tell him you will discipline when you get home.

Guidelines for Using Rewards & Punishment Never Offer a Child a Reward to Stop Misbehaving- You are rewarding and reinforcing misbehavior Offer reward before child has done anything wrong, while you are asking them to do something good Talk to the Child Before & After You Punish Them

Romans 11:22 God of Rewards & Punishments Our Example of a Good Father