Birth Relative Support (Birth Connections) St. Francis’ Children’s Society October 2018 CVAA Practice Workshop

Who we are St. Francis’ Children’s Society (SFCS) is a children’s charity based in Milton Keynes. We are also an independent adoption agency. We welcome all kinds of adopters for all kinds of children, regardless of age, race, cultural background, religion, marital status or sexual orientation. SFCS delivers a comprehensive range of high quality professional services, both pre- and post- adoption, to families and children. Our main focus is on providing secure and sustainable adoptive placements for vulnerable children through the Adoption Connections service.

Who we are… continued We also provide counselling, advice and support as appropriate through the Birth Connections and Building Connections services to those whose lives have been affected by adoption or other permanent placements. SFCS is an organisation committed to providing a service to all those involved in adoption. We recognise losing a child to adoption can be shattering. We offer support services to birth families at an incredibly difficult time in their lives.

Why we work with Birth Relatives - The Law The Adoption and Children Act 2002 (Sections 3 & 4) in England and Wales, and the Adoption and Children Act 2007 (Sections 3–5) in Scotland stress the importance of providing independent support to birth parents and birth families both during and after the adoption process.

(Department of Health, 2001, p. 23) The National Minimum Standards for adoption that accompany the Act state that: Birth parents and birth families… are entitled to services that recognise the lifelong implications of adoption. They will be treated fairly, openly and with respect throughout the adoption process. (Department of Health, 2001, p. 23)

Birth Connections A very distinct model that SFCS calls Birth Connections has developed over time. The process - very clear and always the same. Referral Face-to-face sessions Feed into groups, where appropriate

Birth Connections At the point of Adoption becoming the plan in the Local Authority – child’s Social Worker refers birth relative to the Adoption Team. Relatives can be birth mother, birth father, birth siblings, birth grandparents or any other relative deemed to have a significant relationship to the child/ren Referral must include a risk assessment Referral approved by a manager and forwarded to us at SFCS

Face to face support - What is it and why it works We can support birth relatives in the following ways: One to one meetings can take place at home, neutral venue / café, or even via email or phone Support at the ‘wish you well’ contact Support to meet the adopters Being available within the chaos – sticking with it Delivery is person centred – client led – the service user identifies how they would like to use the sessions. Non judgmental / nurturing Focusses upon grief, sadness and loss Problems frequently multi-faceted leading to referral to other services Fed into groups Brief solutions therapy

Face to face support feedback “Without Kate I would not have got through this, I can talk to her about anything and she does not judge me”. “Kate was wonderful and helped breakdown the process of adoption so I could understand it. She also helped me understand how my children were. I would tell others to take up the service as it would really help them. ” “I like working with you as you explain everything very simply, in ways I can understand”.

Birth Mothers group Offer a place and time where birth mothers can share experiences and offer support to one another. To facilitate discussion, and to suggest discussion topics. Use an independent venue, make refreshments available. Advice on resources available in the local. Speakers and sessions based on the premise that the people who most understand what it feels like to lose children to adoption are other people who have experienced the same thing. The hope is that the birth mothers who attend will also feel that they are being heard by the facilitators, who, where appropriate can feed back to Social Service any issues that may improve the service for future service users.

Birth Mothers group – why does it work? Consistency of workers Consistency of venues Consistency of timings Welcoming environment Christmas meal Summer picnic Mothers Day celebration Same pattern each month

Birth Mothers group feedback “It is great to get both the support of other people who are going through the same as me” “I really like it when new people come along as I feel I can help them as I went through it some years ago” “You can meet new people and gain support” “This is my only support – my family are not there for me” “This group has shown me things can change… it isn’t easy… but they can”

Drop-in Offers peer support to all affected by loss of children to adoption > Just fancy a chat about how you are coping? > Need advice on letter box contact or help with writing your letter? > Need help and advice on face to face contact? > Children welcome Also offers help with other areas > counselling > housing problems > writing a CV > getting back into work

Drop-in feedback “You’re not going through it on your own” “You have all these people that can give advice, help and help you move forward” “We can talk about our children” “I didn't realise how many people were going through it until I came to the group” “I used to think ‘why me?’ But now coming to a group like this I know its not just me” “I come here to get my annual letters. I would not feel able to reply if I didn’t come here and get support”

Impact we have seen Birth mothers choosing not to have additional children Engagement in letter box contact Birth mother left violent partner Chosen to have additional children and work with Social service Move into employment Birth mother has become a panel member at SFCS Been to parliament to inform politician's about their needs Attended adoption support coffee morning Been to talk to social work students at local university

Conclusions This model provides birth parents with access to independent support Long-term investment Better placements - where children are able to settle knowing their birth parents are being supported Birth relatives can gain a greater understanding of their child in placement. Increase in more productive and meaningful Letterbox contact Enables birth parents to be “held” longer and helping them engage with their children in a more positive way post-18 Supports adopters understanding of the relatives’ perspective and it enables positive meeting between birth family and adopters as well as sustained letterbox contact

We are working with the sometimes forgotten service users within the adoption story It’s our passion and responsibility to not let them be forgotten but to… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIBPDdwHWEM

Thank you