Being a Perfectly Imperfect Parent Mitsiko Miller coach and trainer

To get the most from the presentation: 1) Please turn off your mobile. 2) This presentation gives you an overview of the topic and an opportunity to reflect. 3) Please save your questions for the Q&A period. Art by Leah Marie Dorion

Source image : Sweet Moon Photography 1) How many times have you noticed your qualities this week? 2) And those of your children? Source image : Sweet Moon Photography

Source image : Sweet Moon Photography Have you expressed your thankfulness or appreciation for your child this week? Source image : Sweet Moon Photography

To your partner?

To yourself?

2) How many times have you noticed your inadequacies in the last hour? And those of your children?

Source image : Sweet Moon Photography What kind of relationship do you want to have with your child? Source image : Sweet Moon Photography

TOP 5 regrets OF THE DYING 1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” 2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” 3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.” 4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” 5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

pressure ON parents “Achieving a work- family balance is harder because of the race to perform and be perfect.” Guylaine Deschênes, L’Art de concilier le travail et la vie personnelle

pressure ON parents “You want to do everything and do it right without breaking a sweat.” Guylaine Deschênes, L’Art de concilier le travail et la vie personnelle

AND THE impact ON THE family? “You just ran a half marathon, are on the parents committee, and know how to cook quinoa 15 different ways…" Guylaine Deschênes, L’Art de concilier le travail et la vie personnelle

pressure ON parents “You just accepted a promotion and you regularly do things for your aging mother…" Guylaine Deschênes, L’Art de concilier le travail et la vie personnelle

pressure ON parents “and… of course, you set aside a little time for your partner because it is so important.” Guylaine Deschênes, L’Art de concilier le travail et la vie personnelle

pressure ON mothers According to Statistics Canada, women with young children spend 67.5 hours a week on child care, and men, half this number (30.2 hours). Statistics Canada: Families, Living Arrangements and Unpaid Work by Anne Milan, Leslie-Anne Keown and Covadonga Robles Urquijo, December 2011

Our usual pattern 1- We usually notice what doesn’t work and the negative side of things. 2- We want immediate results. We are frustrated if things don’t work on the first try (or close to it). 3- We criticize ourselves for not being competent enough…

Our usual pattern Does it make you want to try something else?

“Children do not benefit from having perfect or pretentious parents “Children do not benefit from having perfect or pretentious parents. They are happiest with parents who are authentic, who do not know everything and who want to constantly grow." - Jesper Juul

“I don’t believe in perfectionism because it is impossible to be perfect. You would be unhappy if you tried to expect this ideal. You would stop living!" - T, age 12

“I don’t want a perfect parent “I don’t want a perfect parent. I want a parent who respects me and who loves me for who I am. A parent I can talk to and spend time with. And especially a parent who understands me." - H, age 14

Otherwise she is more interested in her work and seeing her friends." “I would rather be with my friends because they are interested in what I say. My mom only yells at me to do my homework. Otherwise she is more interested in her work and seeing her friends." - S, age 13

3 keys to positive parenting 1- The oxygen mask… 2- Mistakes are part of the process. How can we see them as learning opportunities? 3- We do the best we can with what we have. It is our job to develop constructive tools. Leading the Horses by Leah Marie Dorion

If you are angry, the conversation will definitely be counter productive!

Sacred Spiral by Helen R. Keblesadel The individuation process is ongoing. We continue to develop and mature throughout our lives. Sacred Spiral by Helen R. Keblesadel

Being a parent is learning by trial and error: “What did I learn today?” “What can I do differently next time?”

Like our kids…

Feedback to make adjustments and repairs 3 essential tools: Connection Feedback to make adjustments and repairs Prevention measures to create the right environment Art by Jerry Whitehead

Breath of Life by Leah Marie Dorion Question period Breath of Life by Leah Marie Dorion