Marriage Week 14 God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage … and the two shall become one flesh Gen. 2:18-24

Biblical Counseling Basics 2012 - 2013 Faith Baptist Church of Palm Bay Biblical Counseling Basics 2012 - 2013

Biblical Counseling Basics Set #2 NOVEMBER / JANUARY 2013 (allowing for holidays) 11/14/2012 – Idols of the Heart 11/28/2012 – Video Example of Counseling 12/05/2012 – Counseling Video Discussion 12/12/2012 – Video Example of Counseling 2 12/19/2012 – Counseling Video Discussion 2 01/09/2012 – The Purpose for Marriage 01/16/2012 - The Role of the Husband 01/30/2012 – The Role of the Wife

Genesis 2:18-24 18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. Marriage

Genesis 2:18-24 20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. 21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; Marriage

Genesis 2:18-24 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Marriage

Genesis 2:18-24 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage A few years ago we would have passed over this text by saying, “It is self-explanatory, already understood and accepted.” TV Shows: The Waltons: Decent family, but region was good for Women and the children, but dad didn’t Cosby Show: No presence of God. Vanessa (Middle Child) picked on for being rich. “Your father and I are rich, you have nothing.” Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Today's staggering divorce statistics suggest six in 10 marriages in the United States will fail, most within the first few years. . . . . The rate of cohabitation is up 700 percent since 1970, as a divorce-shy generation looks unsuccessfully for the way back to the stability their grandparents enjoyed but their parents left behind. More than half of all marriages in the United States are preceded by cohabitation, as couples "try to get to know each other first." Yet those who live together before marriage increase their odds of divorce by 50 percent. In fact, fewer people than ever bother to marry today and three-fifths of America's children will grow up in single-parent homes. . . . . . "All of this in a nation where 74 percent of marriages still occur in church," A Smart Plan to Save Marriages Insight Mag, March 1999

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Divorce Rate in America First marriage is 41% Second marriage is 60% Third marriage is 73% Children Couples with children – 40% Couples without children – 66% Statistics from www.divorcestatistics.org

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage A few years ago we would have passed over this text by saying, “It is self-explanatory, already understood and accepted.” Since then, we can see that our Corinthian-like society has permeated the thinking of many. We live in a different day, and the world is saying, "We have outrun the usefulness of marriage and the family unit." Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage “I always try to counsel people to put it back together, but it’s getting harder and harder to persuade them.” – Author of the Illinois State Divorce Law

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage However, our text tells us that "marriage is of God"; therefore, it does not need a mandate from the majority in order to make it work. The problem is not that it cannot work but that we have listened to the counsel of the ungodly and Ignored God's basic truths. (Psalm 1) Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage: Given By God (Gen. 2:18) “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage: Given By God (Gen. 2:18) Man’s ideas are wrong Started by Cave Men For Western Culture No Longer Useful. “Marriage has outlived it’s usefulness. You can’t expect two people to meet each the meet the needs of another person for all those years. It just won’t work.” - Carl Rogers If it doesn’t Work “Ditch It” Og meets GLOB and wacks her with a club Bible Written for all people at all times Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage: Given By God (Gen. 2:18) God gave marriage, so God has answers for marriage! Some say – Don’t get involved unless invited Some say they’ve never seen anyone put it back together Must be a conviction of a Biblical Counselor Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage: Very Good (Gen. 1:31) “And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.”

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage: Very Good (Gen. 1:31) Man’s Alternatives Polygamy (5 Wife Liberian Story – Goode and Smith) Homosexuality Not an alternate lifestyle, it’s sin Jonah vs. the Cross Pornography God’s view of the body from Gen. 1-3) Only one way to be naked with others and not ashamed Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage: Very Good (Gen. 1:31) God’s Plan is Very Good Not a passing fad Hold True for all cultures Covenant relationship Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage fills basic need or purpose (Gen. 2:18) “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage fills basic need or purpose (Gen. 2:18) Secular Views are Wrong Not based on love. (17 year-old couple story) Adam and Eve didn’t fall in love God fashioned Eve for Adam Commands to love, wife, neighbor, sister in Christ, enemy (LEARN to love) Love is important part 17 year-old couple (known 3 weeks, haven’t had time to tell parents, haven’t talked about spiritual things, looking for job, $2500 car, 36 more $130/month) – We’re in Loooooove. 6-12 months later: want easy divorce, disagree on everything, but we Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage fills basic need or purpose (Gen. 2:18) Secular Views are Wrong Not based on sex. Not to participate is sin One time permitted to be “drunk” Prov. 5:18-19 - … rejoice with the wife of thy youth. … and be thou intoxicated always with her love. Shoebox on the bed analogy Pregnancy does not mean marriage Catholic view of “consumation” Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage fills basic need or purpose (Gen. 2:18) God Tells Basic Purpose Aloneness, to provide companionship Gen. 2:18 - And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Older couples modeling If saved: Service Joshua 24:15 - but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. This starts in courtship or dating Pre-marriage counseling (spiritual, solve problems, growing) 17 year-old couple (known 3 weeks, haven’t had time to tell parents, haven’t talked about spiritual things, looking for job, $2500 car, 36 more $130/month) – We’re in Loooooove. 6-12 months later: want easy divorce, disagree on everything, but we Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage is a growing Relationship (Gen. 2:24) “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage is a growing Relationship (Gen. 2:24) Involves Leaving Abandon: Must be balanced with Deut. 4:9 “… but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons” Grandparents spoil grandchildren ... and 1 Tim 5:18 “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage is a growing Relationship (Gen. 2:24) Involves Leaving More than geographical leaving (home is where the spouse is) Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage is a growing Relationship (Gen. 2:24) Involves Leaving Means Four Principles T.P.T. Temporary (Dad, Mom, Johnny) Permanent (Johnny, Susie) Temporary (Johnny, Susie, Johnny Jr.) Settle Past Conflicts Not slavishly dependent In-laws big gift example Mate’s concerns first (in-laws advise) Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage is a growing Relationship (Gen. 2:24) Marriage Involves Cleaving “Welding Together” “Learning to Love” Investing in each other’s bank accounts Not feeling loved? Look in the mirror. Self-sacrifice, even when not treated well. Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage is a growing Relationship (Gen. 2:24) Marriage Involves Cleaving Commitment to Christ => Commitment to Each Other Not But Blind Chance Deliberate Choice Convenience Obedience   How Cards Fall Covenant Relationship Compatibility 2 sinners Welding Together Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage is a growing Relationship (Gen. 2:24) Marriage Involves Weaving Standard set by Word of God, not parental examples Finances - $16K wife debt story Vacation Holidays Children Finances you can’t afford Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage is a picture (Ephesians 5:31-32) “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Marriage is a picture (Ephesians 5:31-32) Of a Marriage in Heaven. Rev. 19 Of how the Church should obey God Eph 5:22-24 Of the Way Christ Loves the Church Eph. 5:25, 26 Marriage

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Closing Story I remembered the words of Dr. Robertson McQuilken, the beloved former president of Columbia Bible College. He faced a major decision a number of years ago when his wife Muriel entered the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s disease. He was urged to continue with his “more important” duties. But in March of 1990, Dr. McQuilken announced his resignation with the following letter:

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Closing Story “My dear wife, Muriel, has been in failing mental health for about eight years. So far I have been able to carry both her ever-growing needs and my leadership responsibilities at Columbia Bible College. But recently it has become apparent that Muriel is contented most of the time she is with me and almost none of the time I am away from her. It is not just “discontent”. She is filled with fear-even terror-that she has lost me and always goes in search of me when I leave home. It is clear to me that she needs me now full-time.

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Closing Story The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago, when I promised to care for Muriel “in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” So as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of debt. Duty, however, can be grim and stoic. But there is more; I love Muriel.

God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Week 14 Marriage God's Basic Truths Concerning Marriage Closing Story She is a delight to me, her warm love, occasional flashes of that wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough resilience in the face of her continual distressing frustration. I do not have to care for her. I GET TO! It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person.”

Questions

Biblical Counseling Basics Set #2 NOVEMBER / JANUARY 2013 (allowing for holidays) 11/14/2012 – Idols of the Heart 11/28/2012 – Video Example of Counseling 12/05/2012 – Counseling Video Discussion 12/12/2012 – Video Example of Counseling 2 12/19/2012 – Counseling Video Discussion 2 01/09/2012 – The Purpose for Marriage 01/16/2012 - The Role of the Husband 01/30/2012 – The Role of the Wife

Biblical Counseling Basics 2012 Faith Baptist Church of Palm Bay Biblical Counseling Basics 2012