Living in the Light, Loving through the hurts

What came into being    through the Word was life,    and the life was the Light for all people. The Light shines in the darkness,    and the darkness doesn’t extinguish the Light. The true Light that shines on all people    was coming into the world. The Light was in the world,    and the world came into being through the Light,        but the world didn’t recognize the Light. The Light came to his own people,    and his own people didn’t welcome him. But those who did welcome him,        those who believed in his name,    he authorized to become God’s children, John 1:3b-5, 9-12a(CEB with NASB capitalization)

This is the message that we have heard from him and announce to you: “God is light and there is no darkness in him at all.” If we claim, “We have fellowship with him,” and live in the darkness, we are lying and do not act truthfully. But if we live in the light in the same way as he is in the light, we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from every sin. If we claim, “We don’t have any sin,” we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. But if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from everything we’ve done wrong. If we claim, “We have never sinned,” we make him a liar and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:5-10 (CEB)

Genuine remorse (not “I don’t remember it that way” but “I am truly, wholeheartedly sorry.”) The expectation of unpleasant but entirely deserved consequences A resolution not to commit the same error again (not “I’m not as bad as some of these stories suggest” but “I’m much worse than I ever imagined, and I plan to devote the rest of my life to making amends.”) A sincere effort to avoid the circumstances that led to the error in the first place Margaret Renkl, NY Times, 6/4/18

Rationalizations. When ‘but’ is tagged on to an apology, it counters the sincerity of the original message. The best apologies are short and don’t include explanations that can undo them. A request for forgiveness. The offended party may accept a sincere apology but still be unready to forgive the transgression. Forgiveness, should it come, may depend on a demonstration going forward that the offense will not be repeated. A focus on the person’s reaction to what we did or said. Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” shifts the focus away from the person who is supposedly apologizing and turns “I’m sorry” into “I’m not really sorry at all.” Interruptions, arguments, refutations, fact corrections, our own criticisms and complaints. Dr. Harriet Lerner in the NY Times 1/30/17 by Jane E. Brody

Even when the offended party is largely at fault, Dr. Lerner suggests apologizing for one’s own part in the incident, however small it may be.

My little children, I’m writing these things to you so that you don’t sin. But if you do sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous one. He is God’s way of dealing with our sins, not only ours but the sins of the whole world. This is how we know that we know him: if we keep his commandments. The one who claims, “I know him,” while not keeping his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in this person. But the love of God is truly perfected in whoever keeps his word. This is how we know we are in him. The one who claims to remain in him ought to live in the same way as he lived. 1 John 2:1-6 (CEB)

The one who claims to be in the light while hating a brother or sister is in the darkness even now. The person loving a brother and sister stays in the light, and there is nothing in the light that causes a person to stumble. But the person who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and lives in the darkness, and doesn’t know where to go because the darkness blinds the eyes. 1 John 2:9-11(CEB)

Living in the Light, Loving through the hurts

The Lord’s Table