Faithfulness & fecundity Conversations on Sex

The Bible is a big, messy, complicated, sometimes contradictory library accumulated across cultures and centuries. (Therefore it’s not easy to read as a guidebook on sexual ethics.) The Bible on sex

But, some safe conclusions Sex is a good gift from God (and it matters, it means something) Sex that harms (oneself or others) or exploits is not good Relationships are central and important – sex is one reminder of this Committed, stable relationships that are supported by the community are the best place for sex (and for children and economic order) There is lots of sexual wounding and woundedness; God cares more about mercy, forgiveness and healing than judgement But, some safe conclusions

Contemporary culture is a big, messy, complicated, often contradictory mix of messages across cultures and values. (Therefore it’s not easy to read culture as a guidebook on sexual ethics.) Culture on sex

Example of mixed messages (in today’s culture) 1. You should take many years before entering into committed partnerships. 2. You should enjoy wild, adventurous, and pleasure-seeking sex (and often mix this with alcohol and/or drugs). 3. Be careful when you talk about how incredibly messy and hurtful this is and how often it inevitably leads to problems with consent and exploitation and fractured community (because it might sound like you’re not in favour of #1 and #2 – and therefore uncool and judgemental) 4. You are pretty much on your own with the consequences of this. Example of mixed messages (in today’s culture)

Conservative version: Women should attract the sexual attention of one man as a life partner and look generally happy and attractive to other men in order to do well in business. But they should not look too attractive or it’s their fault when men can’t control their sexual responses. Liberal version: Women should embrace their sexuality and flaunt it as freely as they like and should ignore the complication that this makes them vulnerable to the exploitation of men (and consumerism). More Mixed messages

One outcome – misplaced shame Many people feel unnecessary sexual shame about things like desires, reactions of arousal, temptations/fantasies, curiosity, masturbation Many people are shameless in their sexually harmful and exploitative behaviours (objectifying women or men, indiscriminate recreational sex) Irony – often those used by the shameless feel the burden of the shame One outcome – misplaced shame

Conservative churches have rigid, out-of-date rules that are patriarchal and exclusive and hypocritical Liberal churches believe that anything goes and they don’t provide any guidance (as long as you use the right gender pronouns) False dichotomies

A couple negative principles 1. Let’s be diligent about resisting and avoiding harm to others and ourselves through our sexual behaviour. 2. Let’s be diligent about naming and calling out exploitation in sexual relationships – even when it is mutual. (e.g. two people using each other for self-interested sex with no thought to giving to or nurturing the other) A couple negative principles

A couple of positive principles 1. Healthy sexuality expresses and embodies faithfulness. 2. Healthy sexuality enables and encourages fecundity – i.e. it is creative (or procreative) and promotes the growth of relationships and healthy individuality A couple of positive principles

Community conversation on healthy sexuality What do we need to do better in regard to living healthy sexual lives? How do we help each other prevent harm and exploitation? How do we encourage sexual faithfulness? What helps nurture sexual fecundity (creativity and growth)? Community conversation on healthy sexuality

You find out that a couple of guys in your social group speak openly and disparagingly about women they’ve used or harassed (or speak crassly about viewing porn) when they are alone (and drinking). Case studies