PARENTS EXPERIENCES OF LIVING WITH AN ADOLESCENT WITH A DRUG USE PROBLEM: A CALL FOR COPING SUPPORT Candice Groenewald, PhD Senior Research Specialist Human Sciences Research Council cgroenewald@hsrc.ac.za November, 2018

Adolescents, substances and parents Recent headlines in South African media have been intrigued by the latest release motion film release the ‘Ellen Pakkies story’. Real-life story of a South African mother who murdered her drug addicted son in 2007 after suffering several forms of abuse at the hands of her son while he was addicted to crystal methamphetamine. Another example of this form of violence was more recently reported when a 62 year old man murdered his son (28) who had been addicted to drugs for approximately 13 years. In a print media interview, Mr Abrahams described his experience of living with his son as “hell”, but maintained that he had not meant to kill him While this act of violence was perhaps not premeditated, the frustration, anger and hopelessness that Mr Abrahams described, resembles that of Ms Pakkies and of the parents that participated in my study. Movie trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wyHS7UEdTM

Parents responses – A pilot study A total of 15 parents interviewed to date- Cape Flats community Community high levels of SA and drug-related crime and violence Recruited through local community leaders 10 mothers, 5 fathers- fathers extremely difficult to find

Key findings Physical violence was present in 8 of the parents narratives- both mothers and fathers Enactments of violence and aggression involved physical conflict between the parent and the child. “I will hit him with anything in that house […] I will just hit him with the fist! […] I kick him!” (Father, 1) “When it comes tot that then it becomes serious, then I rather give up because I don’t want to hurt him. I am scared that this hitting can kill him, and then I stop it rather” (Father, 4) “This morning we argued, so I threw a brick at him= on his back because I was upset! He ran outside and then he saw a chance to throw stones at me” (Mother, 7) “I will smack them, because sometimes, I feel sometimes so angry! […] because you see, I stand up 5 o’clock in the morning and I must go work and I come home late sometimes, and then I work hard for the things that I have. And then just, they just take the stuff!” (Mother, 8) I just fear one day I will lose myself because I am so angry. I choked him before! I realised then and there that I needed to get help before I murder him. I know I would not kill my child intentionally. Therefore, I decided that I am not going to hit him anymore (Mother, 9). For most parents, this did not occur often; rather it happened when they felt provoked by-, or a heightened sense of frustration with, the adolescents’ behaviors. Parents generally tried to avoid violence (or engaging with the adolescent) All parents who had reported that they have responded with violence also described withdrawn parent-adolescent relationships Limited to support to adolescent Limited interest in getting support for themselves

Two points for further discussion “there is a need for programmes that will help parents” (Hank) Best practice approaches in coping support directed specifically at parents of adolescents Best practice approaches to creating awareness, acknowledgement and recognition that parents needs support

Acknowledgments The support of the DST-NRF Centre of Excellence (CoE) in Human Development at the University of the Witwatersrand, Johannesburg, in the Republic of South Africa is hereby acknowledged. Opinions expressed and conclusions arrived at are those of the authors and are not to be attributed to the CoE in Human Development.